Love Help for Valentine's Day: Romantic Ideas on How to Fix a Relationship
Anxious about Valentine's Day because your mate is still mad at you? Certainly, you are not alone in that boat. Many couples are probably having a "lovers' quarrel" at this time. However, instead of worrying, why not do something to resolve the problem?
Here are some romantic ideas to help you rekindle your intimate bond for Valentine's Day:
1. Write a Love Poem, a Love Song or a Love Letter
Other people may have already used a text message, a Facebook shout out, or a Twitter message to break up with someone, but when you want to fix a relationship, it is best to set aside social media or anything that has to do with the Internet or computers. Get down to the basics. Write with a pen!
Compose a poem, a song, or a letter to your significant other. If you do not know how, then research for materials on creative writing. You can use either online or library resources for this purpose. Perhaps, through this self-help crash course, you would know what to write in the end.
Be original though. Do not even attempt to change the lyrics of a current pop song. Just be you and pour out on those sheets what you want to happen. Be honest with your feelings. Shun away your pride and tell your mate that you still want to be with her or him in spite of what happened.
When you are done with your poem, you can record your own voice as you recite it. It can be part of the surprises that you can do (Read #2). If this is a new experience for you, you will most likely be nervous about doing it. However, Dirk Cysarz et al. (2004) report that reciting poetry has healthy benefits. While you rehearse, visualize your mate smiling as she or he hears your voice.
Doing something creative is worth the try. Love, after all, enables us to do crazy things.
Express Love in Written Words the Traditional Way
Sweet Romance - Excerpts from Love Letters of Historical Men and Women
Emperor Marcus Aurelius Antoninus to his teacher Marcus Cornelius Fronto:
If any sleep comes back to you after the wakeful nights of which you complain, I beseech you write to me and, above all, I beseech you take care of your health. Then hide somewhere and bury that "axe of Tenedos" [proverb for unflinching justice], which you hold over us, and do not, whatever you do, give up your intention of pleading cases, or along with yours let all lips be dumb...
Farewell, breath of my life. Should I not burn with love of you, who have written to me as you have! What shall I do? I cannot cease. Last year it befell me in this very place, and at this very time, to be consumed with a passionate longing for my mother. This year you inflame that my longing. My Lady greets you.
Young samurai Mashida Toyonoshin to older samurai Moriwaki Gonkuro:
From the very beginning, when I first said, "this body is no longer my own," I understood that I would have to die if the nature of our relationship were ever revealed. Now that this situation has come about I feel no particular sorrow. Tonight, I shall fight to the finish at a mountain temple.
In view of our years of intimacy, I am deeply hurt that you should hesitate to die with me. Lest it prove to be a barrier to my salvation in the next life, I decided to include in this final testament all of the grudges against you that have accumulated in me since we first met...
Though I hold this and that grudge against you, the fact that I cannot bring myself to stop loving you must be the work of some strange fate. To weep is my only comfort. For the sake of our friendship up to now, I ask you to pray, even if but once, for my rebirth in paradise.
Abigail Adams to friend/husband Second US President John Adams:
I look back to the early days of our acquaintance and friendship as to the days of love and innocence...I have seen near a score of years roll over our heads with an affection heightened and improved by time, nor have the dreary years of absence in the smallest degree efface from my mind the image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my heart.
Napoleon Bonaporte's letters to fiancée/wife/annulled and deceased partner Josephine:
I wake filled with thoughts of you...My soul aches with sorrow, and there can be no rest for you lover, but is there still more in sotred for me when...I draw from your lips, from your heart a love which consumes me with fire?...Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.
I am well. I love you and want you…there is only one woman in the world for me.
Don’t listen to the gossips of Paris; they are good-for-nothings who are far from knowing the real facts. My sentiments for you are unchangeable and I am anxious to hear that you are happy and contented.
Good-bye...learn resignation as I have learned it, and never banish from your memory the one who has never forgotten, never will forget you.
Ludwig van Beethoven's letters to his unnamed Immortal Beloved:
Why this deep sorrow where necessity speaks -- can our love endure except through sacrifices -- except through not demanding everything -- can you change it that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine?...Oh, God! look out into the beauties of nature and comfort yourself with that which must be -- love demands everything and that very justly -- that it is with me so far as you are concerned, and you with me. If we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I!...My heart is full of many things to say to you...remain my true, only treasure, my all as I am yours; the gods must send us the rest that which shall be best for us.
Where I am, you are with me, with me and you, I shall arrange that I may live with you. What a life!...I weep when I think you will probably only receive on Saturday the first news from me — as you too love — yet I love you stronger — but never hide yourself from me... Oh God — so near! so far! Is it not a real building of heaven, our Love — but as firm, too, as the citadel of heaven.
Even in bed my ideas yearn towards you, my Immortal Beloved, here and there joyfully, then again sadly, awaiting from Fate, whether it will listen to us. I can only live, either altogether with you or not at all...You will get over it all the more as you know my faithfulness to you; never another one can own my heart, never — never! O God, why must one go away from what one loves so...Your love made me the happiest and unhappiest at the same time... Angel, I just hear that the post goes out every day — and must close therefore, so that you get the L. at once. Be calm — love me — today — yesterday.
Victor Hugo to (1) Juliette Drouet and (2) Adele Foucher:
(1) ...If I needed love, you brought it to me, bless you! When, in my hiding places, always dangerous, after a night of waiting, I heard the key of my door trembling in your fingers, peril and darkness were no longer round me--what entered then was light!
We must never forget those terrible, but so sweet, hours when you were close to me in the intervals of fighting. Let us remember all our lives... our sweet converse, your caresses, your anxieties, your devotion. You were surprised to find me calm and serene. Do you know whence came both calmness and serenity? From you...
(2) This union is love, true love, ... a religion, which deifies the loved one, whose life comes from devotion and passion, and for which the greatest sacrifices are the sweetest delights.
This is the love which you inspire in me...Your soul is made to love with the purity and passion of angels; but perhaps it can only love another angel, in which case I must tremble with apprehension.
Karl Marx's messages to his childhood sweetheart and then wife Johanna Bertha Julie Jenny von Westphalen:
The moment you are absent, my love for you shows itself to what it is, a giant, in which are crowded together all the energy of my spirit and all the character of my heart...
But love - not love for the Feurebach type of man, not for the metabolism, not for the proletariat - but love for the beloved and particularly for you, makes a man again a man.
Even my endless pains, my irreplaceable losses I read in your sweet countenance and I kiss away the pain and I kiss your sweet face.
Jenny Marx's replies to her husband Karl Marx:
I can feel no regret. When I shut my eyes very tightly, I can see your blessed smiling eyes...Oh Karl...I am happy and overjoyed...Each happy hour I lived through again.
Do not suppose that I am bowed down by these petty sufferings...I am among the happiest and most favored few in that my beloved husband, the mainstay of my life, is still at my side.
Leo Tolstoy in his letter to fiancée Valeria Arsenev:
Believe me, nothing on earth is given without labour, even love, the most beautiful and natural of feelings.
Lewis Caroll to his lover Gertrude:
You will be sorry, and surprised, and puzzled, to hear what a queer illness I have had ever since you went. I sent for the doctor, and said, "Give me some medicine. for I'm tired."
...Then he looked very grave indeed, and said, "I think you must have been giving too many kisses." "Well," I said, "I did give one kiss to a baby child, a little friend of mine."
...Then I remembered a little box...Tell me if they come safe or if any are lost on the way.
Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens) to Olivia Langdon:
Out of the depths of my happy heart wells a great tide of love and prayer for this priceless treasure that is confided to my life-long keeping.
You cannot see its intangible waves as they flow towards you, darling, but in these lines you will hear, as it were, the distant beating of the surf.
Civil War soldier Maj. Sullivan Ballou to Sarah Shumway a week before his death at the First Battle of Bull Run in 1861:
But, my dear wife...is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?
...Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.
The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me - perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar -- that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.
Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftentimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more...
Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again...
Winston Churchill to wife Clementine:
In your letter...you wrote some words very dear to me, about my having enriched your life. I cannot tell you what pleasure this gave me...What it has been to me to live all these years in your heart and companionship no phrases can convey.
Time passes swiftly, but is it not joyous to see how great and growing is the treasure we have gathered together...?
Franz Kafka to Felice Bauer:
Write to me only once a week, so that your letter arrives on Sunday -- for I cannot endure your daily letters, I am incapable of enduring them. For instance, I answer one of your letters, then lie in bed in apparent calm, but my heart beats through my entire body and is conscious only of you. I belong to you; there is really no other way of expressing it, and that is not strong enough. But for this very reason I don't want to know what you are wearing; it confuses me so much that I cannot deal with life; and that's why I don't want to know that you are fond of me. If I did, how could I, fool that I am, go on sitting in my office, or here at home, instead of leaping onto a train with my eyes shut and opening them only when I am with you? Oh, there is a sad, sad reason for not doing so. To make it short: My health is only just good enough for myself alone, not good enough for marriage, let alone fatherhood. Yet when I read your letter, I feel I could overlook even what cannot possibly be overlooked.
Poet Angelina Weld Grimké to Mamie Burrell:
Oh Mamie if you only knew how my heart beats when I think of you and it yearns and pants to gaze, if only for one second upon your lovely face.
Frida Kahlo to husband Diego Rivera:
Remember that once you finish the fresco we will be together forever once and for all, without arguments or anything, only to love one another...
I adore you more than ever.
Novelist, poet and landscape designer Vita Sackville-West to writer Virginia Woolf:
I am reduced to a thing that wants Virginia. I composed a beautiful letter to you in the sleepless nightmare hours of the night, and it has all gone: I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way...I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal. So this letter is really just a squeal of pain. It is incredible how essential to me you have become...You have no idea how stand-offish I can be with people I don’t love. I have brought it to a fine art. But you have broken down my defenses. And I don’t really resent it.
38th US President Gerald Ford to his cancer-stricken wife Elizabeth Anne (Betty):
No written words can adequately express our deep, deep love. We know how great you are and we, the children and Dad, will try to be as strong as you.
Our Faith in you and God will sustain us. Our total love for you is everlasting.
We will be at your side with our love for a wonderful Mom.
Love in Words
2. Give Thoughtful, Sweet, and Romantic Surprises
Have you ever thought of sending your mate a bunch of flowers with a fruit basket or a stuff toy or a box of chocolates or a singing telegram? You can even hire a musician or a choir to serenade your special someone. You can also re-enact a scene from her or his favorite romantic movie to make her or him smile somehow. If you are in a long distance relationship, you might want to send a care package with a love letter instead.
According to Modern Mom, "The element of surprise helps keep a relationship fresh" (2007). Regardless of your gender and sexual orientation, surprises composed of either unusual but pleasant presents or one's favorite things can help make things better. You may also do things for her/him that you know would make her or him happy. These may include:
- cooking her/his favorite dish(es)
- cleaning the house
- posting love quotes or original love notes on anything that your mate regularly uses so s/he can read them
- buying her/him a pet or a book of her/his favorite author
- treating her/him to a fancy restaurant (or even giving her/him a piece of jewelry)
- arranging for an out-of-town or out-of-the country weekend trip
- singing and recording your "relationship anthem", together with a video or slide presentation of your moments together (No indecent videos please.)
- getting involved in her/his favorite charitable cause
Unless your partner has already decided to break up with you, doing any of these surprises may inspire your partner to spare time to talk to you and hopefully settle your issues.
3. Ask Other People to Help You
You have probably heard of marriage proposals done in concerts, TV shows, baseball games, or theme parks where so many people witnessed such a special moment. You may choose to do the same or to do it in private instead.
Try to coordinate with the manager of your lover's favorite actor, singer, or whoever else he or she likes. You can then ask that person to call and tell your partner how sorry you are and that you want a second chance. If you are already married, perhaps a marriage counselor or a priest or a close family friend can arrange for a couple's retreat for you. Indeed, it is another form of surprise but this time, you are asking other people to help you deliver the message.
Rekindling Your Romance through Short Films About Love
Random Thoughts - Quotes about Love, Romance and Relationships
One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. ~ Sophocles
I know of only one duty, and that is to love. ~ Albert Camus
How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? ~ Albert Einstein
Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. ~ Mark Twain
Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination. ~ Voltaire
Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Love is an act of endless forgiveness. A tender look which becomes a habit. ~ Peter Ustinov
Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart. ~ Washington Irving
The best feelings are those that have no words to describe them. ~ Michelle Hammersley
When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out. ~ Elizabeth Bowen
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. ~ Oscar Wilde
Experts on romance say for a happy marriage there has to be more than a passionate love. For a lasting union, they insist, there must be a genuine liking for each other. Which, in my book, is a good definition for friendship. ~ Marilyn Monroe
What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined...to strengthen each other...to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories. ~ George Eliot
Lust is temporary, romance can be nice, but love is the most important thing of all. Because without love, lust and romance will always be short-lived. ~ Danielle Steel
Too many women throw themselves into romance because they're afraid of being single, then start making compromises and losing their identity. I won't do that. ~ Julie Delpy
In a world where there is so much sadness and so much to be afraid of, good things do happen to people. Romance is still something we can find even if we're not consciously looking for it. ~ Kathleen Quinlan
I think great romance needs great obstacles and textures. ~ Ang Lee
We go on dates thinking that person is our future husband or wife, without getting to know them, as we live in a fantasy and an illusion of romance. ~ Patti Stanger
Romance is loving someone with a blindfold. Marriage is working at loving and romancing someone without a blindfold. ~ Leann Zarah
Forgiveness: Loving Yourself and Reparing a Relationship
In The New Freedom of Forgiveness (2000), David Augsburger cites five R-steps to mend a broken relationship:
- Restoring the attitude of love - emphasizes the importance of accepting one's mate as a whole or "to see that person as full of worth and precious regardless of any wrongdoing."
- Releasing the painful past - involves regaining one's freedom from the past and "to accept the past as past". It is best to "accept another...as the person she (or he) really is".
- Reconstructing the relationship - underlines the need to "recognize the genuineness of each other's intentions". This stage recognizes as well the need to experience "anger and pain in reciprocal trusting and risking". Forgiveness should be given when it is sought.
- Reopening the future - entails embracing what may or may not happen. Forgiveness pertains to "the mutual recognition that repentance is genuine and that right relationships have either been restored or are now achieved." Sincere regret is a key element in forgiving a loved one.
- Reaffirming the relationship - highlights the beginning of "a new meaning" to one's relationship as a result of releasing one's pain.
Fixing a Relationship with Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Forgive and Forget - Not Just Because It's Valentine's Day
Making a relationship work is not easy. It goes beyond physical attraction and being together only when the sail is going smoothly. If you are serious with your relationship, you will do what it takes to strengthen it. You will also respect personal boundaries and non-negotiable values that your partner holds.
Depending on the nature of your mistakes or whatever it is that has caused a deep misunderstanding between you and your lover, it is best to assess the situation first, reflect on your own, and decide what you want to happen with your relationship.
If you really love your partner, learn to forgive and forget more than 70 x 7. Otherwise, set the record straight instead of leaving in silence.
Not being able to fix a relationship does not mean that you are a bad person. Failure to achieve that should not define who you are. However ironic it sounds, letting go can be another way of fixing a relationship and expressing your love even if it hurts.
A broken relationship somehow gives one the opportunity to embark on introspection and self-healing. You may want to fix your relationship with yourself first before doing so with your (ex-)partner.
Adams, Abigail. 1778. Letter to John Adams. Teachingamericanhistory.org. March 31.
Bhattarai, Gaurav. 2012. Stock Quotes. The Himalayan.
Civil War Trust. n.d. Sullivan Ballou Letter.
Dindragoste.unica.ro. Famous Love Letters.
Engl, Rachel. 2010. Napoleon's Josephine: He Loves Her Not, He Loves Her. St. Bonaventure University.
Jochnowitz, George. 2000. Excuses, Excuses: A Book Review of Karl Marx: A Life by Francis Wheen. Midstream.
Labarre, Suzanne. n.d. 12 Hand-Written Love Letters From Famous People, From Henry VIII To Michael Jordan. Fastcodesign.com. February 14.
Norton, Rictor. 1998. My Dear Boy: Gay Love Letters through the Centuries.
Sebag Motefiore, Simon. 2011. At Home With Karl Marx. The New York Times. September 23.
To Inspire Your Love Moments. 2011. Romantic Quotes and Romance Quotes.
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