Halloween Advice – How to Use Charms, Amulets and Protections Against Spooky Things
Protect Youself from Goulies and Ghosties
Well, I warned you, didn’t I? Last Halloween didn't I give you all the tips you would need to protect yourself from Witches, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies and Ghosts? But did you pay attention? NO! Now Halloween is rolling around again, and here you are, a potential vampire victim up a tree without a garlic clove.
Listen up this time!
Take my advice, just forget about that Halloween candy corn and the corn stalks for your front porch. You need to stock up on horseshoes, holy water, wooden stakes and brass bells, amulets and silver charms. Oh, and don't forget the rattlesnake skin! (See last year's Halloween Safety Tips). You just never know which one of these basic protective charms and amulets you'll need on Halloween or even tonight!
Don’t tell me you forgot your basic Halloween survival! I just don’t have time to go through the whole spiel with you again, but I’ll do you a favor and give you the five most important tips for protecting yourself on Halloween:
Things That Go Bump In the Night
From goulies and ghosties
and long-leggedy beasties
And things that go bump in the night
Good Lord, deliver us!
Although first recorded in The Cornish and West Country Litany, 1926, this prayer of protection may go back centuries.
Five Important Tips To Protect Yourself from Vampires, Witches, Ghosts, Werewolves and Zombies
- Vampires Wear a garlic necklace and carry a wooden stake in case you encounter a vampire. No, you moron, the wooden stake is not to keep the garlic from falling over – drive it through the vampire heart! Sigh…
- Witches Nail a horseshoe over your door pointing down to keep witches away. For added protection, be sure to sleep with a piece of sliver under your pillow and gather together some hazel nuts, witch hazel or hazel wood to place around the house. And for heaven’s sake, don’t go spending that silver on some fool piece of junk at the Dollar Store! Just leave it under your pillow. If you have to go out, turning your pockets inside out will not only discourage witches, but pick-pockets won’t be interested, either!
- Ghosts are abundant on Halloween, and just because the kid next door comes over wearing a sheet, don’t think that every shapeless white apparition you see is harmless! Protect yourself from real ghosts by wearing silver and keeping a bit of salt in your pockets. Also, be sure to carry a brass bell and ring it often. That should repel ghosts and a few of the neighbors, too. Better safe than sorry. Don’t forget the 9 times trick. If a ghost does come close to you, walk around it nine times and it will go away. In fact, if you start circling anyone you don’t want near you, they’ll probably go away, too. Fast!
- Zombies. I know what you’re thinking, “What about Zombies? They’re coming, too, aren’t they?” Well, you should definitely be prepared for zombies, that’s for sure! They’re not only disgustingly decayed, but they are hungry for some of your tasty human brains. (Little do they know how few brains are stored in that big head of yours.) Unfortunately, zombies are a little more difficult to deal with than witches and ghosts and vampires. You can wear amulets of chalcedony, black saphires or silver to repel zombies, but if a zombie does find you, there’s no getting out of it. You’re going to have to kill him. It’s a dirty job, but somebody has to do it before the zombies overrun the world. Just be sure you knock him in the head because that’s the only way to be sure.
- Werewolves. Now werewolves are another story altogether. They can sneak up on you because during the day, they can be someone familiar and harmless looking while at night they turn into frightening werewolves. The most humane thing to do is to throw water on the werewolf which will turn it back into human form. A water pistol might not do the trick, but you can probably get one of those big soaker water guns that will just about wash that werewolf away. Try to do this outside, as it really messes up the living room.
The Alien Fossil at Halloween
Keep These Halloween Safety Tips Handy
Just think of this as a Halloween Guide for Dummies. Now, print it out and put it in a safe place so that you can refer to it often in the next few weeks. These tips will give you basic protection from just about all of the Halloween supernatural characters, and they are so easy that even you should be able to follow the instructions. But then, I suppose if you can’t follow these simple guidelines for Halloween protections, at least I won’t have to go over it all again next year.
Now, excuse me, but I have to go pick up some holy water and nail up some horseshoes…
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