I’m Not Sending Christmas Cards This Year

 

There are people, and surely you know some,

Who have told you already, this year,

That they won’t be sending out C cards

The ones full of Greetings and Cheer

 

They say that their reasons are simple

They say that their motives are clean

They just think the whole thing’s expensive

And the whole Christmas Card thing’s obscene.

 

So this year they’re saving the money

From postage and cards, as I said,

And giving all that as donations

To projects that they like instead.

 

For example, homes and vacations

For retired Greyhounds and Donkeys,

Or nearly (if not) extinct species

Of Apes, Gorillas and Monkeys.

Kitty undergoing an Identity Crisis
Kitty undergoing an Identity Crisis

 

And crèches for hard working Gerbils,

And apartments for Squirrels and Bats.

And Awaydays for Camels at seasides,

And counselling for Bunnies and Cats.

And Wildebeest sanctuaries set up,

In Surrey or Kent or a zoo.

For there’s no beast alive, I can think of,

Deserves more than the unfortunate Gnu.

 

 

No wonder they always look fed up!

No wonder they always look glum!

If they manage to survive trampling or drowning,

They end up in some fierce Big Cat’s tum.

No wonder they always look fed up.
No wonder they always look fed up.

 

But I don’t think I really care that much

About any high minded attempt

To save anything much at the moment,

But please don’t look on me with contempt.

I'm not sending any, so don't bother sending to me.
I'm not sending any, so don't bother sending to me.


So I’m also not sending a card, dear,

And as this “poem” reaches its ending,

I think it is time to inform you........

This is the card I’m not sending.



More by this Author


Comments 25 comments

Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 5 years ago from St. Louis

Ha! Loved the clever turn at the end, and as always, an enjoyable, funny read! You're showing signs of being the Adult's Dr. Suess!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

As I said, Christoph, I have never read any Dr Suess, but thanks for reading it and the comment. Maybe I'd better become a little more serious... I can write real stuff, you know.


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 5 years ago

Lol - very witty and well written. I wish I could write like you. You write so well! Thanks for sharing this delightful hub :)


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you, Shil, for your kind comments.

I've just been reading your very interesting article on clogged arteries and the results. Excellent. I usually find that sort of thing very tedious, but you write so well; I am caught by the first sentence and read all the way through. Thank you.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 5 years ago from St. Louis

Yes, as your #1 fan, I am well aware that you can write "real stuff." A little levity and lightness never hurt anyone though. In fact, it demonstrates your versatility, and sense of fun.


Makingsense 5 years ago

Nicely done hub. Ditto on the Christmas cards.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Blush! Thanks Christoph. (Hides face in grateful embarrassment)


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Makingsense, thank you. And thank you for taking the time and trouble to read it.


robie2 profile image

robie2 5 years ago from Central New Jersey

Delightful-- I'm not sending a card either but I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and a Hub-Happy New Year:-)


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you Robie. And thank you for the word, "Delightful". You're welcome any day.


Candie V profile image

Candie V 5 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

Well now.. this is a first! A not-a-Christmas-card-Christmas-card-hub! I'll stop looking in my mail box. I was just sure.....


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Don't stop looking, Candie. I didn't say I wasn't sending ANYTHING!

For you, I would make an exception. You did say you liked 'Chanel Number 5', didn't you?


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

This is great - loved it.


Candie V profile image

Candie V 5 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

I shall keep looking! Chanel No.5 is fantastic! My ex took my bottle and gave it to his girlfriend.. so I could use some more! Nice!!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Candie, you have suffered... suffered so much I was going to send a tiny bottle; just a token. I'm now sending a litre bottle.

By the way. I use Chanel Pour l'Homme sometimes, and when it's been on me for a while, it starts to smell like Number 5. Maybe I should be bottled.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Acaetnna, thank you. I can never work out whether I should be serious or flippant. I've only been on hubpages for a little over three weeks, and am still swimming at the shallow end. You're welcome to return any time.


shogan profile image

shogan 5 years ago from New England

TL--I'm beginning to suspect that you really are a Scrooge! :) Great verse...I just stopped by to take a peek.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Peek away my friend. A peek is always appreciated.

Thanks for the positive comment.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California

You're a nut. A delightful nut, the very best kind. I agree with Christoph, you are bordering on becoming typecast as the adult's Dr. Seuss. Just think, you just need to seel the 27,000,000 copies of something like he did and you can buy us all drinks to celebrate.

(And btw, my cats are going to need some of that counselling (or I will) if they get up on the counter and knock all the crap off into the sink and scare the crap out of me again like they did last night... thought we had an intruder!)


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Shades, thank you again. You cover me with compliments. I appreciate being termed a nut. And of course, when I am published (!) and mega rich, I'll share out the drinks with all my new chums on HP.

That wasn't accidental with your cats.

Cat's live in a little, aggressive world of their own, don't they? I had a cat once who used to get on top of a wardrobe in my room... a huge Edwardian mahogany affair with three doors and bevelled glass... I called him Angus (The cat, not the wardrobe) but the wardrobe matched him nicely. During the night, Angus would decide to leave the top of the wardrobe and do something downstairs. He would jump from the top of the wardrobe and land on the softest place... my bed, Imagine what it is like in the middle of the night when a large three doored, bevelled glass, mahogany cat lands on one.

That wardrobe was so large, I think I could have had Narnia and Eritrea behind it.

Just Angus's sweet sense of humour (the bastard)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California

You should have thrown the cat through the wardrobe and let the Queen deal with him.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I keep on coming back to this comment, Shades, and giggling. How immature of me.


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Very nice..I keep saying I am not sending any cards anymore but then I do..what is the absolute worst that could happen? Thanks Ian..

Sunnie


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Happy Christmas, Sunnie. Just a trifle late, but there you go. It will be Easter soon, and I want to know when to publish my little Eater poem... nowish or just before Good Friday.

I'm asking you because you're a Christian but not a "Wacko" one


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

And a Merry Christmas to you..:)I think around Good Friday the 22nd is perfect! That would be really nice..as the thoughts will be in the air..

Thank you for saying I am not Wacko..lol...my family may differ..but I am not letting them read this so..HAH!!!!

LOL

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