Perfect Gifts for People You Hate 2013

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Better to Give than to Receive!

Each year, as the Christmas holiday approaches, shopping gets less and less fun. As the crush draws near...ideas for gifts can be a pain. And what about those gifts we have to buy for people that we don't like so much. Those gifts of obligation to a mean boss or the office pool where you draw the name of the one person that is not so nice.

Have no fear! I can help!

I've found all the perfect little gifts for the people that we all know, and love to hate. If you didn't read, "Perfect Gifts for People You Hate #1" you may scrap some ideas there. If you used last year's list, well you can't give the same passive aggressive gift two years in a row! That would be rude.

You should get a thoughtful gift that fits the person every single year you are blessed with their acquaintance. I've found the perfect gifts that will fit those hard to shop for people.

For the Extra Parent in Your Life

Throughout the year, I am often given advice regarding my parenting skills. Some like to offer suggestions about how I could do things better...or sometimes people want to help me fix my child so they will be textbook perfect in this ultra together world. One thing I noticed is that this advice often comes from people who don't have any children!

For those people, I'm going to give the best, most logical gift I can give. How about an application to "Adopt US Kids." It is truly a shame to waste such great parents. I think they should adopt a child of their own and then they can blow us all away with their knowledge and talent.

Why deny the world of a perfect role model?

Shout it From the Rooftops!

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The Nosey Neighbor

Isn't there always one of those super nosey people on every block? The people who want to be in the know, all the time? Then they want to tell everyone else on the block what is going on with everyone else.

This year, why not treat them to a megaphone? This way, they can stand in their front yard and tell everyone in the neighborhood the hottest news all at the same time. Yes, it will save them from walking door to door and repeating the same story to every single neighbor. I think that's a sweet idea. I know just who is getting one in my neighborhood.

Source

Left-overs anyone?

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The Lunch Thief

Every office usually has one. It's the person who steals the lunches that obviously do not belong to them from the work refrigerator. Don't you kind of feel sorry for that guy? They must be hungry or too busy to bring their own lunch. This year, I think you should treat that person to a special lunch. Give a little!

Put some beef stew and a nice little slice of bread in your best tupperware and leave it in the fridge until they eat it.

Next, spread a rumour that the dish that contained the dog food with the special de-worming medicine in it has disappeared from the office fridge. Explain how you picked it up from the veterinarian's office just before lunch so you could treat your dog as soon as you got home!

There are books for every special person!

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The Judge

For the person who is always judging everyone...this year why not gift them a gavel? That way, when they finish passing judgment they can slam the hammer down. Seriously, those type of people probably dream of getting to hold a gavel. Help them make their dreams come true! I'm sure they will appreciate that as much as you appreciate their efforts to improve your life!

Give them a ring...a Mood Ring!

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The Crank

This is a special gift for the person who is usually NOT in a good mood. You know, those people that make you a little nervous when you have to speak to them? You never know if they are going to bite your head off or smile and offer you a candy.

How about a mood ring? This way you can see what type of mood that person is in before you open your mouth to speak. If the ring is bluish, go ahead and start talking, if it's black, you might want to turn and run in the opposite direction until it's clear skies.

It's the Thought that Counts!

Regardless of which gift you choose for your intended, remember, it's the thought that counts and it will be obvious that you went the extra mile to get the gift that fits!

Merry Christmas!

All I Want for Christmas

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87 comments

Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 3 years ago from Ontario, Canada

I've been hoping you'd write another one your perfect gift hubs for people you hate as I loved last years so much. Just what I needed for a good laugh and a few awesome gift suggestions too.


SilverGenes 3 years ago

Hahaha I love this! Very, very funny! I especially like the sandwich :)


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

Oh, this is funny. There are those who steal others' lunches and then there are those who accuse others of it. A crazy former boss of mine whose $2 "Smart Ones" frozen lunch was missing from the frig once went around asking people in the office whether they had stolen it. When she got to me, she asked me then reassured me that I could tell her if I did take it. Huh? We were all professionals, but she was out for blood. She eventually accused the poor cleaning ladies.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Too much fun Susan! I love this type of writing...just fun and full of inward smiles:) haha thank you!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks SilverGenes! I was having some good laughs myself making this junk up...you should hear about the stuff that didn't make the list:) haha


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Wow! All that over a two buck lunch? Sheesh! I'd never have the guts to ask someone if they took my frozen meal anyway....I mean who does THAT? Ok she might deserve a special present, ya know? LOL


moonlake profile image

moonlake 3 years ago from America

We once knew someone that got sick of his co-worker stealing his lunch and drinks so he put ex-lax in his hot chocolate. The guy drank it ended up in the hospital it almost killed him. The guy that put in the ex-lax lost his job over it.

I like your idea better let them think something is in the food.

Funny hub voted up.


diogenes profile image

diogenes 3 years ago from UK and Mexico

Should I possess one, my mood ring would have been blacker than black this rainy, miserable British morning, but your amusing and creative article cheered me up and even wrung a couple of croaks out of the old curmudgeon

Well done and happy Christmas...Humbug!

Bob


peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 3 years ago from Home Sweet Home

great gifts for people I hate. I thought of giving them rubber snakes, spiders, skulls,,,,, but then santa is going to hate me then.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 3 years ago

What an awesome list of great gifts. Some of these are perfect for people you love and hate sometimes !


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Perfect Gifts for People You Hate #2 sounds too good to be true thanks or a creative thought from you


Janine Huldie profile image

Janine Huldie 3 years ago from New York, New York

I am still laughing about the lunch one. Seriously, when I taught there was one person who always stole others lunches and this would have been perfect for him. God, I wish I would have known you then. Also, I totally just had to tweet this and share, too!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

Two reactions to this...one, I'm mighty glad you aren't my neighbor, and two, you are friggin' hilarious. :) Sorry I'm late getting here; somehow I misplaced this and just saw it pop up on the feed for a reminder.


Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 3 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

Haha, this is funny, and very "thoughtful". I love it! I have known types of people such as this, and each gift idea made me laugh. Thanks for such a clever article.

Voted up and sharing.

Have a great day, and good luck with your holiday shopping!

~ Kathryn


sallybea profile image

sallybea 3 years ago from Norfolk

RealHousewife

Mood Rings - Priceless! maybe not! I think I have a drawer full of the above mentioned gifts which I have received over the years! I wish I could only figure out which person gave me what! I might be able to save myself a whole shed load of money! Now now, that is not in the Christmas Spirit.

Thanks for the laugh.

Sally


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Right moonlake...I thought of that...even adding ex-lax or any other drug could turn out NOT funny...because you never know what someone is allergic to! So I thought just the "thought" they might have eaten something bad would be payment enough and they might consider that they do not know what is really in the food next time:) lol


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Bob! Good to see ya...now I'm smiling! yeah, I think I know what you mean...Humbug is right...I am not ready for the holidays!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks peachpurple...don't worry about Santa...he has a great sense of humor I hear:)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks B-Pop! Right, right...I think of these things every year when I am making my list..."what do they REALLY deserve" ??...hahaha


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks so much DDE!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks so much Janine...I tell you by the amount of times last years got read..I was planning in advance for this year...we are not alone..so GROUP laugh! lol


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks Bill! Heck man, you get around! And I am always so grateful you get around to my hub:) You're not late! You're just in time for the party!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks Kathryn..I am so glad everyone can laugh about it with me..! Ho, Ho, HO! lol


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi sallybea...thanks so much for enjoying the joke...it's fun to imagine:) lol


ForLoveofCupcakes profile image

ForLoveofCupcakes 3 years ago from Chicago

Ha ha ha so funny! I am still so shocked that there are people who would STEAL others' lunches! Ug. Way to come up with a great gift for those people!! :)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you ForLoveofCupcakes! I had so much fun writing it...it's becoming my favorite part of the season! This year, my husband and I laughed our heads off while I wrote it.

Yeah - lunch stealing apparently goes on EVERYWHERE! Dave (husband) told me that he used to only steal chips or things that were sealed! hahaha I should have known it was him!


calculus-geometry profile image

calculus-geometry 3 years ago from Germany

Priceless! The gavel is on my shopping list.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey calculus-geometry...thanks and I feel like I should also offer an "I'm sorry" that you need the gavel...yeah...me too:)) hahahaha


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida

I've missed your cleverness, Kelly, nice to see you again. Great hateful gift ideas. I especially like the Lunch Thief 'dogfood' ploy. Might use it myself one day. Thanks for the chuckles, m'dear.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Drbj! I've been trying to mix it up and spend more time here - slowly I'm adding it in my days again because I've missed you people so much!


wordsmith2418 profile image

wordsmith2418 2 years ago from Pocono Mountains, Pennsylvania

This is so funny, I had tears in my eyes. Thanks for a good laugh!


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 2 years ago from Ontario, Canada

CONGRATS !!! on HOTD!


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 2 years ago

Kelly! Susan is spreading the awesome news!

Congratulations on HOTD! I see that Hubpages has upped its game and i see that YOU haven't lost one iota of EDGE!

You are hilarious AND creative...(extra parent...lol..waddya got for the parent who should never have had kiddies?)

lol


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 2 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Congrats on HOTD. This is one that truly deserves it. I am laughing hysterically, and everyone is asleep so I am making all kinds of strange sounds.

My dad used to work with a guy that only stole desserts. My mom and her friend decided to fix him. They made frosting and melted Ex-lax in it. Then they spread it on graham crackers and wrapped them up for my dad to take. The whole building heard him hit the bathroom door and came to watch the fun. The boss told my dad that he would have fired him, except the guy got his pie the day before.

A year later, they had to give him a repeat lesson. They rolled a dog turd in chocolate and rolled it in nuts. Then they carefully unwrapped a Baby Ruth bar and replaced it with the confection they had made and glued it back shut. They all heard his bellow of rage when he bit into it. That fixed him and he never did that again. The other employees were doing dirty tricks too and no ones dessert was safe for him.


ChitrangadaSharan profile image

ChitrangadaSharan 2 years ago from New Delhi, India

These are really clever at the same time funny ideas! Enjoyed going through your ideas.

Congratulations for HOTD!


NornsMercy profile image

NornsMercy 2 years ago from Charlotte, NC

Whoa... nostalgia with the MC video! :) Awesome, funny and useful hub!


Janine Huldie profile image

Janine Huldie 2 years ago from New York, New York

Huge congrats on the HOTD!! Totally deserved on this one and just made me smile even more seeing this one getting recognition this morning!


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 2 years ago from Texas

Awesome!


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 2 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Kelly, this is hilarious! I love it. And it's HOTD! Congrats!!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks so much wordsmith...man, you should have seen the ideas I didn't put on the list:)) hahaha


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Shazam Susan! First HOTD! So excited...thanks for spreading my junk around too!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Karin! Thanks so much...hmmm for the parent who should have never had kids...and I do know a few...they should get gift certificates for parenting classes! Or perhaps some psychotherapy! Hahaha


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you Becky! Oh I've heard of lots of people doing tricks with ex lax but I'd fear they might have an allergy or something...I mean that would be my luck!

My kids recently rolled a tootsie roll in nuts and left it on my counter...I definitely did a double take because I have two small dogs! Haha


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 2 years ago from Upstate New York

Hilarious! Even better than the first one, if such a thing is possible. I love the idea of the megaphone. The mood ring runs a very close second!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you ChitradaSharan! I has a blast thinking these things up...and I'm so happy everyone else can see the humor too:)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you so much NornsMercy!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks Janine! What a hoot! I swear, everyone must have these people on their list:) haha.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you ladyjane1!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you so much Vicki! I really had fun with this one...and also I've gotten half the real shopping done! Lol


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Paradise 7 - we should definitely go shopping together some time! Haha I have a feeling it would be FUN!


cclitgirl profile image

cclitgirl 2 years ago from Western NC

How awesome! And congrats on HOTD! I really need to write more hubs again...I miss you and everyone! xoxo


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 2 years ago from California

Woo Hoo!! Congrats!!!


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 2 years ago

The megaphone idea is one we could use in our neighborhood. Congrats on the HOTD!


MsDora profile image

MsDora 2 years ago from The Caribbean

Excellent read and great suggestions! Congratulations on your HOTD accolade!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

Congratulations on the HOTD...all I want for Christmas is my first HOTD....LOL


Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 2 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

Awesome! I read this within the past few weeks, and am delighted that this received a HOTD. Congrats, it is deserving of the award!

Have a great weekend.

~ Kathryn


bluebird profile image

bluebird 2 years ago

So it's the gift, not the thought that counts - oh well, this season is not all that it's cracked up to be. Reminds me of Tom Lehrer's version of the Christmas Carol, have you heard it? In fact, I'll just paste it right here if I may:

'It has always seemed to me after all. That Christmas, with its spirit of giving, offers us all a wonderful opportunity each year to reflect on what we all most sincerely and deeply believe in. "

"I refer of course, to money. And yet none of the Christmas carols that you hear on the radio or in the street, even attempt to capture the true spirit of Christmas as we celebrate it in the United States. That is to say the commercial spirit. So I should like to offer the following Christmas carol for next year, as being perhaps a bit more appropriate. "

Christmas time is here, by golly,

Disapproval would be folly,

Deck the halls with hunks of holly,

Fill the cup and don't say "when."

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,

Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens,

Even though the prospect sickens,

Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas Day you can't get sore,

Your fellow man you must adore,

There's time to rob him all the more

The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expense'll

Send some useless old utensil,

Or a matching pen and pencil.

"Just the thing I need! How nice!"

It doesn't matter how sincere it

Is, nor how heartfelt the spirit,

Sentiment will not endear it,

What's important is the price.

Hark the Herald Tribune sings,

Advertising wondrous things.

God rest ye merry, merchants,

May you make the Yuletide pay.

Angels we have heard on high

Tell us to go out and buy!

So let the raucous sleigh bells jingle,

Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,

Driving his reindeer across the sky.

Don't stand underneath when they fly by.

Actually I did rather well myself, this last Christmas. The nicest present I received was a gift certificate "good at any hospital for a lobotomy". Rather thoughtful.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you Cyndi! I know, right...I was missing the camaraderie of my hub buddies. I worked my blog enough now, I think I can do both and direct traffic ...it's all been a long process but things like HOTD tell me I'm going in a good direction!

Yeah, lets all get back to Hubbing more...I miss it.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you so much Audrey...it really is a terrific honor!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Oh I'm sorry...that means you've got one too! LOL. But seriously, could you imagine the face that they'd make upon opening it? BAHAHAHA


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you MsDora...I had a lot of fun with this so to get awarded HOTD was craziness...proves when you love what you're doing...it all works out!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you Bill! It is really great to get that HOTD I'm not gonna lie...it made my season!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Yes you sure did Kathryn! Thanks so much for revisiting! This was just a pure fun hub for me...so what an honor to get HOTD on top of it!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Well thank you so much Bluebird!

No, no, it's not the gift that counts....it's the thought behind it. Make sure it's perfect!

I wouldn't suggest going with the lobotomy...not medically recommended I don't think!! I hope your season is awesome this year!


ReuVera profile image

ReuVera 2 years ago from USA

Hahahaha, I loved the idea with a "de-worming" stew :) it will work any time, not just for a holiday ;)


amiebutchko profile image

amiebutchko 2 years ago from Warwick, NY

Love this hub! Great sense of humor and very funny suggestions. I enjoyed the read as well as imagining the mean people in my life receiving some of these great gifts! Nice to see a hub on the lighter side!


DzyMsLizzy profile image

DzyMsLizzy 2 years ago from Oakley, CA

Congrats on HOTD!!

Very funny! Some great ideas, there! For the lunch thief--hahaha.. I'm reminded of a friend of mine years back who had this problem, so one day she baked some "special" brownies--using chunks of chocolate ex-lax in place of chocolate chips.

The brownies disappeared, of course, but it was also the last time anyone swiped her food! :-D

Voted up and funny!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 2 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

YAY, I was so happy to see you won an HOTD. And thanks for the giggles tonight. I lol'd several times while reading!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 2 years ago from North Carolina

I was so glad to see this as a well deserved HOTD! The idea for the lunch theif is perfect. I definitely need to try this idea. Great hubs and mischeif at its best.


NateB11 profile image

NateB11 2 years ago from California, United States of America

Very hilarious, and those are very appropriate gifts for those specific kinds of people. Fun stuff, I might have to try these gifts out on a few people.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa

Hahaha! I must get you something really special because you're the most adorable sarcastic *itch, realhouswife. What about a can of cream?

Your suggestions for gifts to be given to those overbearing people in our life, is absolutely hilarious! Congratulations!

Thanks for making me start this day after Friday, 13th with a laugh in my heart :)


bethperry profile image

bethperry 2 years ago from Tennesee

Oh, these are great! And you got me laughing, so thank you for that!

Voting up.


WiccanSage profile image

WiccanSage 2 years ago

Funny stuff, lol. I was clicking on it wondering, "Why even get someone a gift if you don't like them?" These are great though, lol. Excellent hub, congrats on your well-deserved award.


stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68 2 years ago from Bend, Oregon

Not that I hate my husband, but he does have a bad temper. I'm going to have to get him a mood ring for his stocking. LOL!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

That's true ReuVera! It can be a nice surprise for any old day for the lunch thief! In fact, you should probably save that idea for a month when we don't have any holidays....those boring months! Lol


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks amiebutchko! It is fun to imagine the look that would be on someone's face as the gift was unwrapped and the recipient began to break it down:) LOL.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks Lizzy! I did think of ex-lax but that can be dangerous if someone has an allergy...so just the idea seemed like "food for thought" ...lol. Thank you!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Oh thank you Sharyn! I had so much fun writing this one...it was almost hard to stop:) glad you enjoyed it too!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks Tammy! It's so fun to think of those perfect gifts that really fit the recipient! But actually purchasing one? Haha. Mischief is a good way to put it...thank YOU!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Well let me know how that works out for you Nate! Thank you!


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 2 years ago from KC, MO

Love this!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank YOU Martie! I love writing these really good for nothing except a laugh hubs:). Is sort of cathartic and yet...harmless fun...so I'm really glad you enjoyed it too!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you bethperry...it is fun to think about it...and gosh I'd love to be a fly on the wall if anyone really did it:) haha


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks WiccanSage...yeah sometimes I feel obligated to get certain people gifts...not because I necessarily like them but out of deference perhaps...a boss, or an aunt that drives ya nuts? Lol.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 2 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Oh it works on people even if you don't hate them:) thanks steph,,,I so know what you mean anyway...it's football season, Christmas spending time, were busiest this time of year...Dave's been real moody! I'm getting MY husband one...but yeah, I still love 'em! Lol


DzyMsLizzy profile image

DzyMsLizzy 2 years ago from Oakley, CA

**people with allergies should be even more careful about stealing someone else's food. ** What if the person who made that had a "problem" and needed that 'special ingredient'??? It's called, "It serves you right for swiping what isn't yours!" ;-)


joedolphin88 profile image

joedolphin88 2 years ago from north miami FL

This was really great to read, made me laugh thinking of the people I could give some of these gifts to. Awesome informative and funny hub.

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