Pirate Talk - Speak Like A Pirate On 19th September, International Talk Like A Pirate Day

September 19th - International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Yaaaarrrgghhh.

Yaaaahhhrrr. AAAAhhaaaaarrrrrrrr. Yaaaahhhaahhhhhrrrrrrr.

No. Still haven't got it. You have to pull your Jack Elam face while you're saying it, one eye glaring wide open, the other one screwed half shut. AAAaaaaaahhhrrrr. Shiver me timbers. Splice the mainbrace. Keelhaul the cabin boy.

Getting there. I'll practice on the bus. Do that, you're pretty much guaranteed a seat to yourself. Especially if you go the whole hog, dress the part, and install a live parrot on your shoulder.

Yes, it's September 19th. The day of that time honoured tradition, its origins lost in the mists of antiquity, when man and boy, comely wench and aged crone alike, dress like pirates and - for some reason - insist on talking like them too. September 19th - International Talk Like A Pirate Day. AAAaaahhhhrrr.

Talk Like A Pirate Day

You'll need mittens. Gets chilly around September 19th.
You'll need mittens. Gets chilly around September 19th.

Yaaaarrrgghhh!!!

That's better. Starting to get it now. Getting a sore throat too.

So what do you need for International Talk Like A Pirate Day? I would suggest a striped top, a bandana, a pair of pedal pushers if you've got the calves for them, and some deck shoes. Maybe a cutlass, depending on local by-laws, and a parrot. Moustache if you've got it, fake moustache if you haven't. Check your workplace code of practice before you show up at the office like that. They might not have a section that covers it, so maybe ask HR too.

Don't wear a man-bag. Really.

If you live in the US, you should probably look up the open carry laws in your state regarding the flintlock pistol which you have tucked into your belt. That goes double for the comically large bored musket.

Pirate Translator

You might need someone bilingual in case things get a little tense. Local law enforcement might not have native pirate speakers in their ranks, so someone in your party who can act as an intermediary would help. Maybe the parrot? They're intelligent birds, and learn fast.

Parrot Translator

Just tell the officer to address the parrot. It'll be fine.
Just tell the officer to address the parrot. It'll be fine. | Source

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

So what do you do on International Talk Like A Pirate Day? I would suggest a nice picnic. Pirates are notorious for not having picnics, and this would make a nice change. Find a secluded country spot, or a local park in a pinch. Remember to take a tablecloth, and something to sit on. A treasure chest could double as a hamper, if emptied.

Cold chicken is nice, and would go well with a light white wine or rosé. Grog is probably best avoided, particularly if you intend to play party games after.

Speaking of which, if the park has a boating lake, you could play at boarding under fire. This could turn into hostage taking and plundering, all time honoured pirate pastimes. If other park users object, gently remind them that this is your culture they're disrespecting. Then keelhaul them.

Pirate & Parrot.

'And a bottle of rum for the bird.'
'And a bottle of rum for the bird.' | Source

Pirate Jokes

'Cap'n, the Royal Navy are about to board us.'

'Cabin boy, fetch my red shirt.'

'Why, Cap'n?'

'So if I get wounded, the men won't see and become disheartened.'

'Okay Cap'n. Incidentally, turns out there's a whole Royal Navy fleet behind that ship.'

'Hmmm. Fetch my brown trousers while you're there.'

Walking The Plank

You need:

- A plank. You can get a new oak plank, approximately 220mm wide, 63mm thick and 2.6m in length. Which is 8' 6 3/8" long by 2 1/2" thick by 8 5/8" wide in real money. Look, when I grew up we still had an Empire. I don't do metric, or croissants for breakfast.

Said plank will cost you £29.28 including VAT. Bargain. Think of the fun you'll have, prodding reluctant office managers along its length with a cutlass, over shark infested waters. Remember to fasten the shipboard end securely, using bolts in a staggered pattern. Pick a sturdy part of the deck to attach it.

Drunken Sailor: First Annual International Talk Like a Pirate Day Drunken Sailor Sing-Along a Go Go

Pirate Poll

What's the correct pirate punishment for not sharing gum?

See results without voting

Spalpeen

Mostly harmless
Mostly harmless | Source

Types Of Pirate

It's important to know the various kinds of pirate, and this guide will get you started on spotting them.

Spalpeen - from the Irish for rascal. Wears peculiar hats, should probably be kept outdoors.

Buccaneer - Tricorne hat and a weakness for grog. Good at frightening children.

Privateer - Carries a letter of marque, official sanction for piracy against a nation's enemies. I tried that once. Apparently, it doesn't count if you wrote it yourself.

Politician - The vilest kind of pirate. Mind your wallet, and have a shovel handy.

Pirates. YyyAAAaaaarrrrrrgghhh.

You could have someone's eye out with one of those.
You could have someone's eye out with one of those. | Source

Psssttt...

I found a treasure map. You interested?

Pirate Treasure. X marks the spot.

Stay away from the mean lobsters.
Stay away from the mean lobsters.

Skull & Crossbones

Frankly, we're looking for a new image. Any suggestions. Avast, ye lubbers!
Frankly, we're looking for a new image. Any suggestions. Avast, ye lubbers! | Source

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