Portrait on a Disappearing Canvas: The other side of Mother's Day

Love with a vale

I love you mom, I love you son

isn't that the way it's designed to be?

And oh when that way is so, so good is that way.

Today is a day of celebration

for many whose way this has been

It is also a day whose burden is heavy

Something was awry in the way we were

There was no doubt love

there could be no other way

yet something or someone had changed

from the way they used to be

to the way I remember it to be.


For all of us who have experienced the simultaneous joy of love, the confusion and heartbreak of miscommunication and misunderstanding, let it be said that there is still love that remains, no matter what has transpired, no matter what the circumstance. The balance of life will have it no other way.

Though my mother was uneducated, emotionally distraught and abused in ways only she could acknowledge by family, friends and herself, she put a roof over my head, she fed me enough food for my physical growth, she protected me and she nurtured me in a very important way. Though she often was too worn out physically and emotionally to express it, I knew I was loved. It didn't even matter that sometimes there seemed to be conditions attached to that love. I know it was there, even through the pain of negativity which, at times, haunts me today.

How do I know I was loved? Time! Time has been my teacher. Time has allowed me to see through the vale. Time has made available the presence of other mother relationships. Not my own, there can be no substitution, no replacement, but relationships for my personal viewing, for my edification and for my continued nurturing, even in my season of aging.

A Unique Relationship

Your relationship with your mother was/is:

  • Perfect, wouldn't have had it any other way.
  • Things were/are kind of testy at times, but we both made it through.
  • I wish I had more time with her to find out, I still miss her
  • Let's just say things worked out the way they were/are supposed to.
  • No matter what the circumstance I am grateful to her!
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The Significance

The lessons are many

some more profound than others

Deeply grateful for the balance of life

I can now see through the vale to the core

It was not my mother teaching me through love

it was my time to be taught by the love of this mother.

I will only understand it intellectually as I am able

Emotionally I will know because it never ends

Thanks Mom, for your effort. I miss you deeply

I am still alive, still growing and still learning

how to be...

an impossibility without you!

The Way It's Supposed To Be

One Lasting Memory

My mother crossed over on February 23. 1985.

After 28 years I can barely remember her face without a photograph.

Her voice is now just a whisper, so faint there are no echoes

I can no longer see her eye to eye, though we often didn't see life that way anyway

I can no longer feel the squeeze of the hugs that were few and far between

The memory is so distant I have to strain to remember how good it was when it was good

But I know it happened and my regret is that I didn't contribute more to the relationship than I took.

I hope that has changed me, is changing me,

And of all that does remain, still, there is love!

Did this hub resonate with you?

5 out of 5 stars from 4 ratings of The Other Side of Mother's Day

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Comments 18 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

A refreshingly honest hub my friend. I love the message here, the lessons that you are still learning......well done.

My mother passed in 2003, and if being brutally honest, I respected my father much more than my mother....I went through decades where I had to work hard to find something about her that I respected. Time has allowed me to be softer in my retrospect.....she was a good mother who did her best, and there is no doubt that she loved me. :)

blessings to you, today and always

bill


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 3 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Thank you Bill for being a part of this with me. Growing softer in our season benefits us in so many ways. Primarily, we are now giving off a different vibration to the universe. In turn, it sends us back like vibrations. Perhaps the soft touch of someone close to us during times when we are not so lovable is a product of that returning vibration!

Peace be with you my friend!

Bruce


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 3 years ago from Brownsville,TX

OHHH my heart goes out to you.. I lost my mom in 2011.. it was hard.. she was a wonderful mom.. I was very blessed.. She worked hard for us.. there were 8 kids and I was the oldest.. My dad was off to war always gone.. so it was like she was a single mom.. and that is real hard with 8 kids. your hub touched me every word.. many blessings to you

sharing

Debbie

I would like to link this hub to my mothers day hub? is that all right?

Called Moms are special


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

A wonderful read and now looking forward to many more by you. Voted up and shared. Enjoy your day Born2care.

Eddy.


Theater girl profile image

Theater girl 3 years ago from New Jersey

A personal and painful sharing indeed! No family is perfect -we all have our prices to pay and to survive. Be well on your journey.


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 3 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Hi Deborah!

My condolences back to you. We all soon come to the point of acknowledgment that this is our fate at some future time. I am not one to hold onto regrets or self pity. I suppose I would like to have known then what I know now. In any case, what we learn from grief is a part of growing and this growth caused deep reflection. Hopefully, it will make a difference in how I approach other relationships with what time I have left.

You may absolutely connect this hub to yours. It would be my honor.

May peace always be at your side!

Bruce


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 3 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Hello Eddy and thank you for reading, commenting on and sharing this hub! Please do come back soon and often. I am grateful for your time, encouragement and thoughts. Having read some of your hubs I know you are a high quality writer and it would truly bless me to have your input here.

Thank you again and peace be with you!

Bruce


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 3 years ago from California

There were times I knew so much more than my mom. I wish I had been more teachable.

She was amazing. My kids were so lucky to have her for so long. Their memory of grandma is of a fiercely passionate little old lady. She yelled at them am gave them refuge from their parents and spoiled each one. She is being commended for some of the work she did for her Veterans of Foreign Wars post. On "Mothers Day" we poured through pictures of her WWII days for a couple of hours. She was a treasure that I didn't fully understand until I was much older.


DuckyDee profile image

DuckyDee 3 years ago from Washington

This a a truly beautiful Hub and I do appreciate the heart felt sentiments that went into it.

I too miss my mother and wish I could have changed a thing or two before I lost her.

She was amazing and I being the child didn't always show her the appreciation that I should have.

Hope your day is wonderful.

DuckyDee


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 3 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Hi Theater girl,

Welcome to Born2care2001. I am thankful for your kind words. Funny, isn't it, how even though we are all unique and differ in how we receive what comes our way, we all understand the underlying emotions and I'm happy we do. Otherwise, the price to survive may be higher than what we want to pay.

Thank you for reading and commenting. Please come back again soon!

Bruce


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 3 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Thank you Tirelesstraveler for reading and commenting here!

What a wonderful way to pay tribute to "a fiercely passionate little old lady."

I think it's pretty amazing how what we remember changes over a period of time and is shaded by what we learn about ourselves. You made me remember that there were many women (my mother was one of them) who worked in some capacity to serve our troops and our nation during WWII. Makes both of our stories a little more remarkable.

Thank you and come back soon!

Bruce


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 3 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Hi Ducky Dee!

Thank you for stopping by to read this hub. And yes, I am having a wonderful day. Thank you for being part of it and sharing your time and comments.

Somehow I sense that you have already or will become the changes you wish you had made with your mother. Goodness just seems to work that way.

Please accept my gratitude and I too hope your day is filled with joy and gladness!

Bruce


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 3 years ago from South Carolina

This was heartfelt and very touching. Thanks for sharing your experience and wisdom.

Relationships with family are complicated, regardless of the love felt, and realities of what our relationship with a parent was/is often fall short of how we wish things could have been. The key is to find the good and be grateful for the good, while at the same time realizing that our parents, like ourselves, had obstacles, stresses and imperfections to overcome.

Voted this 5 stars and up. This hub definitely resonated with me.


ladydeonne profile image

ladydeonne 3 years ago from Florence, SC

“God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.” Rudyard Kipling

Thanks for sharing your personal thoughts with us re your relationship with your mother and how it has evolved with time. Our mothers are human and subject to error. They can only live and do the best that they know how to do. They learn how to parent from their own parents who may not have been the best role models. That said, we learn more about our parents as we become parents. As time goes by, we forgive ourselves and our mothers. We let it all go and continue on with our lives.....loving and keeping our mothers close and in our hearts. My mother returned home on Nov.22, 2001. Knowing that my mother is energy and will never end and that she lives within me brings joy and peace to me. I spend a few minutes each day visualizing and communicating with her and all of my ancestors.

Here's hoping that Mothers' Day for you was healing and filled with gratitude for the mother who gave you the gift of life, did the best that she knew how, and loved you with all of her heart.


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 3 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Hi Gail!

Thank you for stopping by and for leaving such a thoughtful comment. When you said, "The key is to find the good and be grateful for the good"

You hit the nail on the head. It does take time and all of us experience loss at one time or another...it is life.

Hope your celebration of Mothers Day was a good one!

Bruce


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 3 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Hi ladydeonne,

Thank you for reading and commenting. What a great practice you have when you, "spend a few minutes each day visualizing and communicating with her and all of my ancestors."

Perhaps if all of us got in touch with out ancestors we would be more aware of relationships as they are here on earth.

Thanks for stopping by and I hope your Mothers Day was a joyous one.

Bruce


hawaiianodysseus profile image

hawaiianodysseus 3 years ago from Southeast Washington state

Hi, Bruce!

I think it's great that you made time and effort to write about your mom--and motherhood in general--for Mother's Day this year. Not too long ago, I paid homage to my mom, and it felt good to put into words some of what I wish I could say and/or show her on a daily basis. Thanks for sharing this inspirational piece, my friend. Aloha!

Joe


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 3 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Hi Joe!

How are you my friend? Thank you for stopping by to read this hub. Even though our relationships with our mothers aren't always at the top of the list (neither was my dad's. They fought all the time) I respected her because she didn't give me up for adoption as was the case for many people in my generation. I feel bad she never go the life she wanted. Hope she's getting all she wanted in the hereafter.

Thanks for sharing and I'm grateful for your support!

sincerely,

Bruce

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