How To Ideas For An Un-Valentine's Day (Or Celebrate Your Divorce) Party
Valentine's Day Is For Losers
Hearts, flowers, chocolate, who needs 'em anyway? What's all the fuss about Valentine's Day? Aren't you just a little sick of the FTD guy bringing bouquet after bouquet of disgusting smelly roses and hearing the squeals of delight from your co-workers? isn't it beyond a little sickening to hear your officemate prattle on and on about the latest twinkling thing her boyfriend is going to give her for Valentine's Day? Or what ritzy restaurant he's taking her to for dinner? Or what their smarmy plans are for spending the weekend in some place with heart-shaped tubs and mirrors on the ceiling?
You don't have to take this lying down, you know. It's not one of those if you can't beat them, join them scenarios. Stand up! Stand up and be counted as an official Valentine's Day hater, a hater of all things pink and red and lacy and heart-shaped! Forget the flowers, chocolate, romantic weekend getaways, and shiny jewelry and have a party of your own...an Un-Valentine's Party!
Gather the names of all your single friends, especially the recently dumped. There are a lot more losers like you out there than you think. Do try to cap your list at 1000, though. No since having the police come and bust up your party. Then you'll be a lonely loser AND in jail. That would seriously suck. No sense in compounding your agony.
Buy some cheap Valentine's and change the sappy, whiny wording on them to something more suitable for the occasion like "Be my Un-Valentine" or "DON'T Be Mine." You get the picture. Mail them out to your loser friends and wait for the RSVPs to come pouring in. See... they like you, they really like you! Make sure your ex knows you're having a party. You don't have to let him know what kind. Make sure he knows you're FINE, just FINE, without him.
The Un-Romantic Décor
Go to your local florist a few days ahead and ask them if you can have all of their dead roses. Then arrange them in un-lovely bouquets around your house. Visit your local Dollar Tree and get some Valentine decorations. Tear the hearts in half, like he did yours, the sorry creep! Or better yet, run them over with the lawn mower or just put on your favorite boots and stomp on them. There! Perfect! Hang them wherever you like. Hey, it's your party, it's not like you have to ask him anymore what HE thinks.
Buy heart-shaped cookies and break them in half or sprinkle them with edible blood. Or his, if you can get it. Use black food coloring to color whatever you are serving to drink black. Serve black tortilla chips and salsa and black cupcakes.
Breaking Up Is Not Hard To Do...At Least For Him
Create a playlist of your favorite break-up songs...not the whiny "I want you back" ones, but the "I'm doing fine without you" kind. "According to You" by Orianthi is a good one. Or "Hell Wit Ya" or "You Make Me Sick" by Pink. Or practically any country song especially those that involve keying their ex's car or slashing their tires.
Get a dollar store deck of cards, pull out all the hearts, and cut them in half with puzzle type edges. As guests arrrive, give them each a half card and as an icebreaker, have them find their match. That way if you play any games like Apples to Apples, Pictionary, etc., people can play in partners. At the end of the evening, if the partners haven't turned on each other yet, for giving stupid answers, give them a prize!
It's Your Party & You'll Cry If You Want To!
Remember, this is your party, so you can play this however you want. If you want to invite your best friend Karen, the one that he hated, you can. Because now it doesn't matter, You can do what you want, stay up late as you want, eat all the leftover black cupcakes if you want, and go to bed without brushing your teeth. This is YOUR party, so have fun. And remember...you're not alone...
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