Top Ten Reasons Why Santa Might Be Slower on His Rounds This Year

Vintage Santa Claus
Vintage Santa Claus | Source

TIME FOR "CARD ON THE TABLE"

I love Santa Claus. I also believe in Santa Claus. No use hiding it. And no use pretending. I am way too old for child’s play. I feel that it is time to be up front with you, my valued friends and followers. Then maybe I can get a decent night’s sleep. It’s tough as new shoe leather sometimes to carry a secret around and working your fool head off to not let people around you find out what that secret really is.

Yes, I know. There are many among us who declare to high heaven that Santa is just a myth. Maybe so. Maybe not. I am proud to be among the “Maybe not’s” who hold on for dear life to Santa for the mere pleasure and peace he gives me and my family. Now you on the other hand are more than welcome to not believe in Santa. That is your privilege and I am all for what makes you happy, just as long as you do not intrude on my turf trying to convince me Santa (or God) does not exist.

That way, you and I can be friends without the useless arguing and irritating bickering that accompanies such subjects. Deal?

Vintage Santa Claus
Vintage Santa Claus

A BIT OF BAD NEWS

But my dear fellow believers in Santa, I do have some rather dark news for us to face. I do not like it. Not one bit. But being that life is held together with fragile threads of reality, I have to tell you the truth. I have it on decent-authority that this year Santa may be a little slower in delivering his toys to the world’s deserving-children and it is not Santa’s fault.

Rather than me ramble on and on about this alleged-slow delivery by Santa, “The Champion of Smiles” for kids and believing adults, let me share at this time . . .

The Top 10 Reasons Why Santa May Be Slower in Making His Rounds This Year

In Honor of St. Nick

  • Santa Claus, also known as Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle and simply "Santa", is a figure with legendary, historical and folkloric origins who, in many Western cultures, is said to bring gifts to the homes of the good children on 24 December, the night before Christmas Day. However, in some European countries children receive their presents on St. Nicholas' Day, 6 December.
  • The modern figure of Santa Claus is derived from the Dutch figure of Sinterklaas, whose name is a dialectal pronunciation of Saint Nicholas, the historical Greek bishop and gift-giver of Myra. During the Christianization of Germanic Europe, this figure may have absorbed elements of the god Odin, who was associated with the Germanic pagan midwinter event of Yule and led the Wild Hunt, a ghostly procession through the sky.
  • Santa Claus is generally depicted as a portly, joyous, white-bearded man—sometimes with spectacles—wearing a red coat with white collar and cuffs, white-cuffed red trousers, and black leather belt and boots and who carries a bag full of gifts for children. Images of him rarely have a beard with no moustache. This image became popular in the United States and Canada in the 19th century due to the significant influence of the 1823 poem "A Visit From St. Nicholas" and of caricaturist and political cartoonist Thomas Nast. This image has been maintained and reinforced through song, radio, television, children's books and films.
  • Since the 20th century, in an idea popularized by the 1934 song "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town", Santa Claus has been believed to make a list of children throughout the world, categorizing them according to their behavior ("naughty" or "nice") and to deliver presents, including toys, and candy to all of the well-behaved children in the world, and sometimes coal to the naughty children, on the single night of Christmas Eve. He accomplishes this feat with the aid of the elves who make the toys in the workshop and the flying reindeer who pull his sleigh. He is commonly portrayed as living at the North Pole and saying "ho ho ho" often.

Source: Wikipedia

10. Santa is being watched by the E.P.A. for fear that his eight tiny reindeer might pass too much gas and pollute the world's air supply.

9. Homeowners who do not believe in Santa have sealed their chimneys (for tax credits) therefore Santa will have to figure out an alternative way inside these homes to leave presents for these "humbugs'" children.

8. Non-believers in Santa have called the ACLU to work with Federal authorities to keep a look-out for this mythical figure who just might cause little kids to smile more than they frown.

7. Mrs. Claus has recently grown weary of spending "that" one night alone at the North Pole by herself, so Santa has compromised with her to leave a bit later than usual.

6. The cost of reindeer feed has hit an upward increase due to Federal levies, taxes, and other useless changes that will allegedly cause Santa to use four reindeer instead of eight.

5. A shifty lawyer talked Roudolph, the red-nosed reindeer, to file a slander suit against Santa and the other seven reindeer for using negative talk and abusive-behavior in the workplace for his red nose causing him to be seen as being "different."

4. Santa's mechanics who keep his sleigh in tip-top shape have threatened to strike unless Santa gives them extra candy in their stockings hung by the fireplace with care in hopes that St. Nicholas will soon be there.

3. The Federal Aviation Agency informed Santa in November that the nation's economy is in such bad shape, they have been forced to lay a few of the air controllers off to save money.

2. A bidding war broke out between Santa and a foreign witches' coven who swore they could deliver presents (by broomsticks) cheaper than Santa could deliver them via sleigh.

1. Jenny Craig, the weight-loss company, got terribly-angry at Santa for not signing a contract to lose weight and be their spokes-Santa, and filed a breach of promise lawsuit against The Jolly Ol' Elf and Santa might be tied-up in court longer than he anticipated.

"I am informing you, my cherished-followers, that I am going to take a few days off to enjoy the Christmas holidays with my family and to be totally-honest, to get some rest. Thanks to All of You for reading my hubs, and more-importantly, I do want to extend to You and Your Families and Friends, a Very Merry Christmas from me and my family."

Sincerely, Kenneth

"And my friends,

please remember . . .

that I Love All of You!"

With Love,

Santa

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Comments 13 comments

annart profile image

annart 23 months ago from SW England

What a great hub, Kenneth! It brought me lots of smiles this morning. I love the way you've come up with these ideas for him being late. As if!

I'm a firm believer in Father Christmas and I love everything that goes with him. Such a purveyor of good cheer, jollity and kindness; we can all do with more of that.

Thank you for your good wishes and I extend mine to you too. I hope you have a joyous Yuletide and that you enjoy your rest. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yours, Kenneth!

Ann


easylearningweb profile image

easylearningweb 23 months ago

Kenneth, I too, am a believer...when we believe, it seems to make the holidays oh so magical, doesn't it? My favorite movie for the holidays is the Christmas Secret starring Richard Thomas and Beau Bridges. It will surely make the non-believers think twice...it may even make them believe!

Nice hub, Happy Holidays!


Marie Flint profile image

Marie Flint 23 months ago from Jacksonville, FL

Cute hub, Ken. It'll be interesting to see what kind of traffic you get on this one.

Saint Nicholas was a real person and lives in the spirit of giving. So, yes, "Santa Claus" is very real for me throughout the year, not just at Christmas time.

I don't know what kind of hub I would have chosen to right about Santa, perhaps 10 Reasons to Believe in Santa. That would be upbeat. Next year (maybe).

Have a good one!


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 23 months ago from The Beautiful South

Fun hub, Kenny. We wouldn't be too smart to give up our belief in Santa would we? Up and sharing.


Vellur profile image

Vellur 23 months ago from Dubai

Great hub, enjoyed reading. The magic of Santa is always alive for those who truly believe!


Perspycacious profile image

Perspycacious 23 months ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

Nice to see (read) that your inventive mind is keeping up with the seasons, but sad to see that you are taking the rest of 2014 off to do more practical, family-0riented, perhaps even playful?, pursuits.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (when I trust you will be back again just bursting with ideas and commentary.)


Tricia Deed 23 months ago

"Right On" Kenneth. We need to fight to bring back the American traditions of Santa Claus, Merry Christmas, and the birth of Jesus Christ. This year as we traveled to another town to celebrate Christmas with other family members, we noticed in our 90 minute drive that there were no Christmas decorations which we typically see in the different cities and towns on our local highways. When traditions are removed, we lose our identity. The American people need to fight for America and In God We Trust. My question is, "Why wouldn't people want to enjoy Christmas which is a season of giving regardless of whether you have a religion or not?" This is a nation built on a God of love. Wake up Americans.


vkwok profile image

vkwok 23 months ago from Hawaii

Should've read this a few days earlier.


MelRootsNWrites profile image

MelRootsNWrites 23 months ago from California

Thanks for the giggle! So many adults forget the spirit of Santa Claus lives in us all. They think they are too grown up for such nonsense. But, the idea of giving anonymously is surely a part of the whole Christmas season. Santa made it to my house on time, so no one held him back this year! ;)


The Examiner-1 profile image

The Examiner-1 23 months ago

That was a jolly Hub Kenneth. May the spirit of Santa Claus live forever in our hearts and at the North Pole! I voted this up, shared, pinned and Tweeted it.

Kevin


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 23 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

The Examiner

Thank you so much for your nice words. And I agree with you to let Santa's spirit live in our hearts and the North Pole.

Thank you also for the vote, sharing, pin and tweet.

May you have The Best 2015 ahead.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 23 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, annart,

Myu sincere thanks to you for the warm comments. I am thrilled that there are more believers in Santa than me. Hooray!

You are a special person.

Happy New Year!

EasyLearningWeb,

And thank you also for the very kind comments. I do appreciate the warm side of a topic and that is Santa's specialty: Warmth and Kindnesss.

God bless you for your sweet input.

Hi, MarieFlint,

Hey, great idea. 10 Reasons to Believe in Santa. I would comment on it And I am sure that whatever hub you write. It will be great.

MelRootsandWrites,

You are always welcome for the giggle. I feel more useful making people giggle than to cause them to be depressed.

That is me. I cannot change.

Hello, wkvok,

That is okay. You read it when you had time. God bless you for taking the time to read.

Perspycacious,

Thanks for your kind words and time. You are very appreciated.

Jackie Lynnley,

You are a very special writer and person. Your comment proves that.

Thanks for your comment.

Vellur,

I appreciate you taking time to read and leave me such a nice comment. God blesss you.

Tricia,

Thanks for your participation in this hub. God grant you a peaceful day and night.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 23 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear easylearningweb,

Richard Thomas and Beau Bridges are excellent actors and when cast into a backdrop such as the production you mentioned, they go further than excellent.

I love Hallmark Movie Channel for presenting such films.

Thank YOU so much for the wonderful visit. Write soon.

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