Top Ten Reasons Why Santa Might Be Slower on His Rounds This Year
TIME FOR "CARD ON THE TABLE"
I love Santa Claus. I also believe in Santa Claus. No use hiding it. And no use pretending. I am way too old for child’s play. I feel that it is time to be up front with you, my valued friends and followers. Then maybe I can get a decent night’s sleep. It’s tough as new shoe leather sometimes to carry a secret around and working your fool head off to not let people around you find out what that secret really is.
Yes, I know. There are many among us who declare to high heaven that Santa is just a myth. Maybe so. Maybe not. I am proud to be among the “Maybe not’s” who hold on for dear life to Santa for the mere pleasure and peace he gives me and my family. Now you on the other hand are more than welcome to not believe in Santa. That is your privilege and I am all for what makes you happy, just as long as you do not intrude on my turf trying to convince me Santa (or God) does not exist.
That way, you and I can be friends without the useless arguing and irritating bickering that accompanies such subjects. Deal?
A BIT OF BAD NEWS
But my dear fellow believers in Santa, I do have some rather dark news for us to face. I do not like it. Not one bit. But being that life is held together with fragile threads of reality, I have to tell you the truth. I have it on decent-authority that this year Santa may be a little slower in delivering his toys to the world’s deserving-children and it is not Santa’s fault.
Rather than me ramble on and on about this alleged-slow delivery by Santa, “The Champion of Smiles” for kids and believing adults, let me share at this time . . .
The Top 10 Reasons Why Santa May Be Slower in Making His Rounds This Year
In Honor of St. Nick
- Santa Claus, also known as Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle and simply "Santa", is a figure with legendary, historical and folkloric origins who, in many Western cultures, is said to bring gifts to the homes of the good children on 24 December, the night before Christmas Day. However, in some European countries children receive their presents on St. Nicholas' Day, 6 December.
- The modern figure of Santa Claus is derived from the Dutch figure of Sinterklaas, whose name is a dialectal pronunciation of Saint Nicholas, the historical Greek bishop and gift-giver of Myra. During the Christianization of Germanic Europe, this figure may have absorbed elements of the god Odin, who was associated with the Germanic pagan midwinter event of Yule and led the Wild Hunt, a ghostly procession through the sky.
- Santa Claus is generally depicted as a portly, joyous, white-bearded man—sometimes with spectacles—wearing a red coat with white collar and cuffs, white-cuffed red trousers, and black leather belt and boots and who carries a bag full of gifts for children. Images of him rarely have a beard with no moustache. This image became popular in the United States and Canada in the 19th century due to the significant influence of the 1823 poem "A Visit From St. Nicholas" and of caricaturist and political cartoonist Thomas Nast. This image has been maintained and reinforced through song, radio, television, children's books and films.
- Since the 20th century, in an idea popularized by the 1934 song "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town", Santa Claus has been believed to make a list of children throughout the world, categorizing them according to their behavior ("naughty" or "nice") and to deliver presents, including toys, and candy to all of the well-behaved children in the world, and sometimes coal to the naughty children, on the single night of Christmas Eve. He accomplishes this feat with the aid of the elves who make the toys in the workshop and the flying reindeer who pull his sleigh. He is commonly portrayed as living at the North Pole and saying "ho ho ho" often.
10. Santa is being watched by the E.P.A. for fear that his eight tiny reindeer might pass too much gas and pollute the world's air supply.
9. Homeowners who do not believe in Santa have sealed their chimneys (for tax credits) therefore Santa will have to figure out an alternative way inside these homes to leave presents for these "humbugs'" children.
8. Non-believers in Santa have called the ACLU to work with Federal authorities to keep a look-out for this mythical figure who just might cause little kids to smile more than they frown.
7. Mrs. Claus has recently grown weary of spending "that" one night alone at the North Pole by herself, so Santa has compromised with her to leave a bit later than usual.
6. The cost of reindeer feed has hit an upward increase due to Federal levies, taxes, and other useless changes that will allegedly cause Santa to use four reindeer instead of eight.
5. A shifty lawyer talked Roudolph, the red-nosed reindeer, to file a slander suit against Santa and the other seven reindeer for using negative talk and abusive-behavior in the workplace for his red nose causing him to be seen as being "different."
4. Santa's mechanics who keep his sleigh in tip-top shape have threatened to strike unless Santa gives them extra candy in their stockings hung by the fireplace with care in hopes that St. Nicholas will soon be there.
3. The Federal Aviation Agency informed Santa in November that the nation's economy is in such bad shape, they have been forced to lay a few of the air controllers off to save money.
2. A bidding war broke out between Santa and a foreign witches' coven who swore they could deliver presents (by broomsticks) cheaper than Santa could deliver them via sleigh.
1. Jenny Craig, the weight-loss company, got terribly-angry at Santa for not signing a contract to lose weight and be their spokes-Santa, and filed a breach of promise lawsuit against The Jolly Ol' Elf and Santa might be tied-up in court longer than he anticipated.
"I am informing you, my cherished-followers, that I am going to take a few days off to enjoy the Christmas holidays with my family and to be totally-honest, to get some rest. Thanks to All of You for reading my hubs, and more-importantly, I do want to extend to You and Your Families and Friends, a Very Merry Christmas from me and my family."
"And my friends,
please remember . . .
that I Love All of You!"
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