Troublemakers, Busy-bodies, and Annoying Pests Who Will NOT be Invited to Your Home For Christmas This Year
STAND-UP FOR YOURSELF
Let’s face the facts. You are “the” favorite of all your relatives. For some reason, you were extremely-blessed with that special spirit of sacrifice, giving, and living an almost-selfless life. You are the envy of your neighbors for how much you give of material things to every charity rep who rings your doorbell. And when it comes to strangers down on their luck, well just point them in the direction of your home and you will give them food, clothing, shoes, and what cash you have on hand. Out of love, people who live near you, call you, “Sally St. Nick,” and you are so humble, you insist that this title go to someone else.
But this year, when Christmas plans were made, and your home was designated (as usual) for all of your family to stay for the entire week of Christmas holidays. All of them. Every year for over 15 years, it has been you who has fed your entire family. All 21 of them, including youngsters. You have all but mortgaged your home (again) just to afford the food for the meals. Plus you have, for the same amount of years, planned where whom would sleep and put you and your family last.
This year, some, I assume were shocked when you laid-down the “one” ironclad rule:
Troublemakers; Freeloaders and Annoying Pests Who Will Not be Invited to Your Home for Christmas This Year
The pests in this hub can be compared to . . .
- PEOPLE WHO GORGE THEMSELVES -- on your food besides the Christmas meal. Who do they think you are, Food Galaxy?
- THE PEOPLE WHO -- pick arguments and fights on purpose. Don't they get enough of this stupidity at home?
- THE BOOZERS -- no wonder they love your home. You seldom drink, but your husband likes his brandy before bed and these "Booze Hounds," if the truth were told, only come to your home at Christmas for free booze.
- SLEEPING BEAUTIES -- who never get up with the rest of the family for breakfast, but sleep past 11 a.m. and then get-up, come down stairs scratching their butts and demanding pancakes, waffles, bacon and coffee.
- PEOPLE WHO -- do not pronounce your name correctly. For 15 long years, they havebed never pronounced it right. They are either so forgetful or either so ignorant, they just say something near your name and hope you will not notice.
- PEOPLE WHO NEVER -- go to bed at a decent time. The rest of your family are respectful and go to bed early to give you and your family some time together, but not this family. They love watching movies all night long and snack-up on the food that you have bought that day. Sometimes the next morning, you find them passed-out in the floor, on the couch, and on the stairs from not sleeping.
- PEOPLE WHO -- sneer at you for everything you do. If you serve them fresh fish for dinner, they sniff it like a hungry dog, then sneer at you. Maybe they are part canine.
- SMART ALEC'S -- who do not respect your home by whipping out a cigarette and smoke anywhere although the signs on your wall that read, "Please, No Smoking Inside," are in plain-view.
- THE SELFISH COUPLES -- who have intercourse at anytime or anywhere they choose. Even in the middle of the night. They love intercourse so much that they wake everyone with their coyote sounds, pawing the floor like a horse and growling like wild pigs.T
- THE 24-HOUR GRUBBERS -- who eat at mealtime and at every opportunity affoded them. More than once you have caught them and their four children sitting around your open refrigerator "wolfing down" what food is left from dinner and when you walk in because of the noise from their chewing, they look at you like "you" are the intruder.
- THE ONE UPMANSHIP -- people who, no matter what you or anyone else has, they own two or three of them.
- THE FAMILY WITH THE -- smart-mouthed teens. I mean. Can it get any worse than three smart-mouth teens who disrespect you and the other adults with almost-vulgar remarks? No.
- THE MAN IN ONE FAMILY -- who reads his, no, your newspaper each morning while propping his feet upon your dining table.
- THE FAMILY WITH -- toddlers who love to slide down your stairs yelling like natives from The Amazon and after they make your hand-rail loose, they start throwing your coasters, candle holders, anything that is not nailed down, across the room and still yelling like natives from The Amazon.
- PEOPLE WITH LOUDSPEAKERS -- for voices. You can hear them talk while you are at a neighbor's house three blocks away.
- THE PEOPLE WITH -- spoiled pets who snarl and bite (like they do) at everyone who moves, and their masters laugh and say, "Isn't that cute?"
THE PEOPLE WITH -- stone faces who stare directly at you when you make a simple statement. What do they think they are, philosophers?
- LAUGH-AT-EVERYTHING -- people may be fine for audiences at comedy clubs, but not in your home at Christmas time. It is so bad that someone can say, "Hi, Bill," and these people fall in the floor with laughter.
- NEVER SATISFIED -- people can wreck your every nerve when you are watching a show on television, and they ask, "Do you mind turning to channel 23 for a minute. I need to see what is going on with my sitcom?" You do as you are asked. Then you never hear them to tell you to watch your show.
- PEOPLE WHO -- love to run-up your water, gas and phone bill by taking extra-long showers which is heated by gas, and making several long-distance phone calls which cost due to you not having FREE long-distance for you do not need it.
- THE COUSINS -- who always need to borrow your clothing. They never bring any of their clothing. And if you do not have clothes to fit them, they expect YOU to buy clothes for them.
Your new rule of "no unwanted guests" did hurt a lot of feelings, so look at these people and take a photo if you like, for these people WILL NOT be at your home next Christmas!
It's about time.
Remind you of any pesky Christmas guest?
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