Valentines Day: A look at my heart

Love Letters from Billy & Billy's Funeral pamphlet
Love Letters from Billy & Billy's Funeral pamphlet
A table full of letters from Billy.
A table full of letters from Billy.

Valentines day is, as we all know, a very commercial holiday.

I was lying in bed last night, thinking of all the people out there who are just like me. A good person, living a good life, without a romantic partner. We see T.V. ads, billboards, hearts, doves, and love poems all around us in February. The shopping malls and food chains bombard us with reminders that we have no one to shower our romantic love on. I give tons of love to my family, friends and online friends. In this hub, I am talking about someone whom you call sweet heart or darling. At my age, I know the romantic love does not last very long and relationships lose fiz or can lose momentum after the honeymoon stage. I think we need to teach our kids that love can never make us whole, only enhance who we are, if we are with the right person.

I love,love, don't get me wrong, but it can hurt to view all the images and know we will not be held in the arms of the one we love ,in front of a fire, eating chocolates or getting a nice piece of jewelry or love poem from our love. Wow, I must be lonely. My lonely girl button just got pushed. I do miss having that special someone to love. Writing is such a healing process because you never know where it's going to take you.

I think men are wonderful, most of them. I think most human beings are good. I will say for the record, after leaving an abusive marriage, I find I have not been tainted in thinking men are like my ex. In fact, now I can see very clearly how great many of my own friends husbands are and the like. My therapist was very proud of the fact that my love and zest for life did not die with my crumbled marriage. I learned that I had Stockholm syndrome with my ex. Just google that one, since that is a whole other story. I have always been in love with love. My sweet father used to say, " Laura, you idealize love and men". He was right, I was so naive. I think many of us girls have been taught and socialized that love will sweep us off our feet. I have learned how great it is to stand on my own two feet. My kids see how independent I am. I hope I am role- modeling a strong independent woman. I have always believed in the good of human kind and can see it in everyone no matter how evil they are. I believe that is what saved me when the man I loved, the father of my children, terrorized me.

I used to write poems to my love Billy, who I have written about here on hub pages. He was my soul mate and true love. He still comes to me from heaven when I am down and out. He used to write the most amazing poems and notes to me. I have an entire drawer full of them. I will never throw them away. In fact, I put pictures above on this hub, of the letters Billy gave me throughout our relationship. My heart feels really heavy for some reason as I write this.

Lets think of creative ways we can share all the love we have to give to others this Valentines day. Maybe writing a thank- you note to someone who is lonely or someone we care about that we haven't connected with for a while. Sending chocolates to a friend or co-worker. Helping an elderly person or neighbor by shoveling their snow or mowing their lawn. Perhaps we can babysit for a friend that needs to get out or is short on cash. We could help someone at the grocery store or volunteer at a charity event that gives you passion.

"one kind action never stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves."

- Amelia Earhart

© Laura Rogers Arne




Do you think men and women have been socialized different in terms of expectations in relationships?

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Comments 39 comments

Fiddleman profile image

Fiddleman 5 years ago from Zirconia, North Carolina

Beautiful hub! voting up!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Fiddleman

Thanks for coming by. I am glad you liked it.


europewalker profile image

europewalker 5 years ago

Awesome!


ImChemist profile image

ImChemist 5 years ago

Nice hub , rate it as beautiful.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Why is this Valentine's Day pushed onto us? I have a feeling it's very "heavy" in the US, but , although the shops and Amazon and the rest of them try to promote it, there is much less interest in it here, except for youngish people.It's certainly lost its way since it was only sending someone a secret card (home made0 and never admitting where it came from.

Commercialism tends to grubby everything.

Remember the Billy of your dreams and your past, Laura, and forget (if you can) the rat who made your life so miserable.

There's a point; maybe Amazon do a good deal in rat poison.

Big Hug


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago

Great hub Healing Touch. I wish I were a real person for another real person. I have been tweaked to a point where I am not sure I can have another relationship. I love you women so much! I am just a Vietnam Vet that has lost the social skills necessary to be a good partner. I make it harder on myself by being a vegetarian. I just can't work it all out and I've given up. I guess this is how I see myself. I wish I could be a part of this "love life". God bless you dear Healing Touch. I sure could use a "healing touch".


breathe2travel profile image

breathe2travel 5 years ago from Gulf Coast, USA

I likw your suggestion to lool for ways to express true love to others, rather than expect from otjers. My experience (and probably most people's) is that giving, whether a tangible gift or one from the heart, is always more satisfying than receiving... Voted up and awesome. I pray you receive thorough healing from past hurt. Sounds like you have made great strides. As your kids see you forging forward with gusto or bc of sheer determination, they will learn the power found in love of self. Warmest regards~

Ps... Sorry for any typos... Am on my phone tpuch screen keypad.


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

I think you've just raised the bar of true intention reguarding Valentines Day with a beautiful reflection,Healing Touch.;)


carrie450 profile image

carrie450 5 years ago from Winnipeg, Canada

I agree with you Healing Touch. We can show love with those we care about in many different ways. I also am independent and wouldn't have it any other way since my marriage ended years ago. Mine too was an abusive relationship. rated up.


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 5 years ago from Texas

Such a unique concept, be thoughtful and nice to others just because. Thanks again for sharing.


Healing touch 5 years ago

Europe walker. Thanks so much for liking my hub. It is what it is. :-D


Healing touch 5 years ago

Imchemist

Thanks so much for the nice comments.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

A.A. Zavala

I really appreciate your thoughtful comments.


justom profile image

justom 5 years ago from 41042

Wow! This one hit me right between the eyes and while I'm not big on Valentine's day it's been 15 years for me not having someone to love and I really do miss it. OK, I'm gonna' go be depressed now, thanks. (just kidding, this is a great hub) Peace and Happiness!! Tom


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota

Hey sister-There are many of us out there that don't have partners but who knows who are the happiest. I know our neighbors who are married to horses a--es wish they could have the peace we have in our life. I love living with you. I always wondered if you and I would become roommates again and now as life would have it we are back together as roommates and raising your two beautiful children. I was really touched by what Micky Dee said in his comments and It made me realize, without shame, that I too would not make a good partner. I've tried and I know that my childhood stuff and the cancer side effects (mental and physical)don't make me a great Valentine. I love my life and wouldn't change a thing. I love you so much Laura and you and your kids are my Valentines:)


Healing touch 5 years ago

Justom,

I know what you mean. After I wrote this, I felt really sad. It's like I just keep going as a single mom and don't really think of love because I am so busy with my kids.


Healing touch 5 years ago

Twinner,

Your gonna make me cry. How sweet. Happy v day soon then.


lilyfly 5 years ago

Healing Touch, this was me for 22 years, I was alone! I'm a hermit, but, I am picking up my boyfriend to live with me TODAY! For me, it is SO much easier for me to be alone, and I'm sure I'll be envying your aloneness in a few days!!!

Heartfelt piece, voted up...lilyfly


Fossillady profile image

Fossillady 5 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

Great write HT! You really opened up to us, I feel I know you better and can relate to much that has happened in your life. My husband was a reformed verbal abuser. He honestly mellowed and became the man I married and more, but I lost him last year to cancer! There is love all around you cause anyone as giving as you attracts love from others! Blessings on Valentines Day and always!


Healing touch 5 years ago

Fossillady

wow, a reformed verbal abuser. Thats amazing and rare. I am so sorry for your loss.We do need to just spread the love to all.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

lilyfly

Wow 22 yrs. That is quite a spiritual number. I hope your happy with your boyfriend. It is easier to be alone.


kashmir56 profile image

kashmir56 5 years ago from Massachusetts

Hi Healing Touch, I have been on my own for the last two years after leaving a eight year relationship because she was a verbal abuser. At this point in my life i really not looking for anyone to be with, but have not closed the door to loving someone again, just taking a break and loving me for a change .

Great hub.....thumbs up !!!


Healing touch 5 years ago

Kashmir

Great job on loving your self. I am so sorry you went through this too. There are lots of us on hubpages who share this in common. Being alone can be so healing.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

MickyDee

I totally know what you mean by that. I really do not think that we all have to be in relationship to be happy. I am seeing with this hub that we all have some type of guilt for not wanting to be with a partner, but I think that many of us know our limits. Bless you for being so real about this as many are opening up and feeling better knowing that they are not alone in this " Love Thing"


K9keystrokes profile image

K9keystrokes 5 years ago from Northern, California

This is a wonderfully honest hub HT. You are absolutely one of the rare humans. Retaining the love of love is a gift, and you are a remarkable person who, in spite of all of the terror and pain poured onto your life, managed to see the love that shimmered faintly through the dark. Amazing and rare you are. The heart can be one of two things; resilient or reluctant, I wish for you the one that brings you the most comfort.

Blessing this Valentine's Day HT--

K9


Healing touch 5 years ago

K9

Your a rare flower yourself. I only hope love and blessings to you.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 5 years ago from Nashville Tn.

This hub is a blessing! One of the best that I have had the pleasure of reading. YOU, healing touch - are love. Loving ourselves is something that many many people never learn how to do. It is key to being able to love others. I cannot find the words to thank you for writing this article. Through it, I find validation for myself.

You are a treasure. May joy and love surround you, my friend!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

vocalcoach

I am deeply touched by your kind words. Bless you


leabeth profile image

leabeth 5 years ago

Great Hub and nice idea for Valentine, but we should do that to other people through the year and not only on Valentine's day. Vote you up.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Leabeth,

We should be loving all thru the year, and I wanted others that were without a romatic partner to know they are not alone. Bless you


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

....well you have a lucky heart because it's such a beautiful one - and you share this profound goodness with the people you love and the people here at the Hub who adore you .......and that's why there is a lot of healing in .... your magic touch!!!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

Healing Touch, I wish I could agree with you, but Life taught me that only a few men are wonderful (almost perfect) according to my personal expectations. The others may be regarded as ‘wonderful’ by other women, but definitely not by me.

Due to my unfortunate experiences when I was still very young I became a sworn feminist. I expect from men to be exactly what they think they are – the stronger gender, the protectors, the leaders women and children are supposed to look UP to, etcetera. The moment they prove to me that they are not what they’re supposed to be – while they still demand to be treated as if they are that - I simply despise them. I’m so sorry I am like this.... My boots are just made for walking over men who believe they are God’s gift to this world and women while they are in fact insensitive egotists with inflated egos.

However, I do know men who know they are equal to women and not able to be what God-Knows-Who-and-When decided men are supposed to be. They are my friends, and I love all of them in accordance with the codes of our relationships. One of them is even welcome in my intimate sphere, and I thank God for him.

I love Amelia Earhart’s quote.

I’m thinking of you coping with your longing for Billy – that is really painful and depressive.... an inner struggle. I know you will always win every struggle in your life in time. I’ll see you again soon.


Martie Coetser 5 years ago

What a beautiful story of who you are. We do need to have high expectations for both sexes. The best to you always. I applaud your honesty and how forthright you are


Kaie Arwen profile image

Kaie Arwen 5 years ago

Healing Touch- YOU ARE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING! I understand your feelings............. but life is mysterious, and God has a plan for each of us. We're seven now........... just live. All in all the hearts and flowers mean nothing............. it's the hearts that beat within us that truly matter. Yours is one of the best! Kaie


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Kaie Arwen,

You are a true love in the correct sense of the word. I am nine now and truly so happy. I do at times wish there was a nice man out there that could love me the way I deserve to be loved. My kids and my twin fill me to full. Love and Blessings to you my great friend. I love you and your heart.


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

This was so touching and so, so beautiful. You are a wonderful loving person Healing Touch. As you radiate out your love so it will return to you in abundance and when you least expect it!


Healing touch 5 years ago

acaetmma

Thanks so much for your lovely comments. I also believe you radiate love and it will come back to you. Peace


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 5 years ago

We have so much in common! I too believe that writing is a healing process. Keep writing and sharing with others. Truly a beautiful article.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Dr.Ope Thanks for the uplifting comments. Thanks so much.

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