Fear Fiction: When Evil Comes - A Short Story by Audrey Kirchner

When Evil Comes


Listen to a podcast of this story on hubpages here.


Isabel lay awake in bed, practicing the Bach minuet on the blanket, trying to remember each and every phrase and praying that she would be able to perform well tomorrow at the recital.


"I hate recitals," she thought miserably to herself, thinking if only she could be someone else, somewhere else, life would be so much easier.


A chilling breeze swept past Isabel and she swore she heard someone whisper "Be careful what you wish for, child."

Source


She loved music, she truly did, but performing was enough to make her physically ill. If only she could play for just herself, she thought with a sigh. If only she had a different life.


Cutting through her thoughts and jangling her already tense nerves, the phone rang. She looked at the clock – it was 2:30 a.m. Sleepily, she stumbled from her bed into the kitchen to pick up the receiver.


"Hello" she said quietly into the phone hoping not to wake anyone else.


"Well, hello there my darling daughter," came a gravelly voice that made Isabel cringe. "‘It’s been far too long. I’m calling to tell you I’ve been watching you."




Isabel suppressed a shudder and tried to form words to answer but the voice continued.


"I’ve decided I’d like to get to know my oldest daughter much better, so you just be ready, honey because I’ll be coming for you soon."


With a muffled scream, Isabel dropped the phone and ran to the couch where she buried her head in the pillows sobbing.


She could hear from her spot huddled into the couch her mother’s voice demanding, shouting "How DARE you call here and frighten that child like that! You stay away from her, do you hear me? You’ll stay away from ALL of us if you know what’s good for you! I’m calling the police!"


And with that the receiver slammed into the phone on the wall.


Isabel began sobbing in earnest then and before she knew it, her mother was beside her, soothing her, trying to calm her.


"Don’t worry, honey – that excuse of a man is not going to get near you, do you hear me? I don’t know how he got this number and I don’t know what this is about, but it stops here, it stops now."


She couldn’t help but ask – maybe being 10 wasn’t old enough to understand all the complexities of grownup affairs, but Isabel had to know.


"What does he want with me?’ she asked in a shaking voice.


Her mother paused for a moment too long and then said quietly, "He wants to get back at me through you, Izzie but I’m not going to let that happen. He’s just trying to scare us. He said that he’s been watching you, knows where you go and what times and that he’s going to kill you if I don’t cooperate and give him money. So I need you to promise, Izzy to be very careful."


Source


Hearing this news, far from relieving Isabel, she shrieked and tried to crawl into her mother’s lap. Minutes ticked by and then she found herself alone on her bed where her mother had carried her, listening while her mother phoned the police.


When the call ended, her mother came back with somber news. No complaint could be filed unless some harm had actually come to someone. Since nothing had been attempted, the advice was to try and keep safe and report something if and when it did happen. Such was life in 1963.


Trying to absorb all this did nothing to ease Isabel towards sleep and she spent the rest of her night tossing and turning, dreaming of ghosts and goblins and things that went bump in the night. It was after all approaching Halloween.


Didn’t it stand to reason that she would have her very own monster who was bent on hurting her? At least it took away the anxiety of worrying about a recital and Isabel finally drifted off into a haunted sleep.


Two days later, as the sun went down on a beautiful southern California Indian summer day, Isabel stood in the living room looking out at the darkening street. She wasn’t really sure what had caught her eye but just on the periphery of her vision, she seemed to see a man, a very large man lurking in the shadows. As she stepped closer to the big bay window to look up and down the street, a shape popped abruptly up in front of the window.


Recoiling, Isabel screamed, falling backwards as the man loomed in front of the window. By the time her grandmother raced into the living room to see what was the matter, the man was gone, leaving Isabel in a quivering heap.


The problem was that Isabel had never seen her father. She had only heard tales of him from her mother and grandmother. Not flattering tales either. There were tales of beatings and abuse of every imaginable kind. He had left them destitute and penniless and disappeared all these years.


Isabel had always had a fantasy that he had left because he had to and that he really was not a bad sort. He was working for the government on a secret mission and he had had to flee because he was on assignment and he was trying to protect his family. He was so important to the mission that he couldn’t even tell his family who he was and had put up this front just to preserve his cover.


However, this string of events put things into a whole new perspective for Isabel. She remembered vaguely that night when she felt the chill and heard the whispered "Be careful what you wish for, child." Now she understood what the premonition meant.


She had been wishing and dreaming about a fantasy father who didn’t exist. Instead, this person who was her father was every bit the monster that her mother and grandmother had told her about. How ironic that he should surface at this frightening time of year to join the pretend monsters and goblins.


The next day was Halloween and walking to school the next day, Isabel felt the eyes of the devil on her back as she trudged along the sidewalk. It was becoming increasingly hard for her to concentrate or to stop worrying.


She looked behind her and broke into a run when she saw the black sedan with the middle-aged man driving slowly down the road, watching her intently. As she started to run, the car sped up and before she knew it, she was running as fast as she could towards the safety of the school.


Safe and sound within the school, Isabel began to relax and started to feel better knowing she had escaped. She didn’t know what she would do when she got out of school but at least she was safe for now. She tried not to think about the peril she was in and went about her day keeping a watchful eye out for the black sedan when she went outside for recess.


Thinking maybe her father had given up, Isabel gathered her belongings and set out from school for the walk home. Just as she opened the front door of the school and stepped outside, a tall, dark man with a black fedora stepped out of the shadows and took her by the hand.


"Well, hello, darlin’ – I’m so glad I caught you in time to give you a ride home from school."


Isabel tried to wrestle herself free of his grasp and turned to the other kids and adults pouring out of the school building screaming in protest – "He isn’t my father! I don’t know who he is. He threatened to kill me – please stop him, please HELP."


To Isabel’s dismay, they all continued on, some laughing at her and taunting her.


"Oh Isabel, come on! All you ever talk about is how you want your dad to pick you up from school and be there for you – and now here he is. Quit being so dramatic! We’ve heard all about your wonderful dad and how long he’s been gone. Why are you making up these stories?" 


Dragging her to the car, Isabel soon found herself shoved in on the driver’s side onto the front seat of the car. Her father jumped in and the door slammed shut. He quickly started the car, put it in gear and off they roared.


Isabel could only hope that one of her friends or her little sister had been outside and seen what happened, that someone would know that she had been taken.


Isabel tried to think as her father drove them out of town. She had to escape but she was afraid to try and jump from the moving car as he sped along. Where was he taking her? What would become of her and would she ever get back home again?


As if he could read her thoughts, her father snapped at her in icy tones, "If your mother had done what she was told and given me the money, none of this would ever have happened. And you, my dear can wipe those stupid tears off your face and stop sniveling before I give you something to cry about. Tears won’t help you any – just like they didn’t help that slut of a mother of yours."


Not realizing that she was even crying, Isabel wiped the tears from her face and sat silently contemplating what to do.

Source


They stopped in front of a large two-story house and grabbing her by the arm, her father wrenched her out of the car and steered her towards the walkway.


"Keep your mouth shut if you know what’s good for you or I’ll go back and kill your mother and your sister for good measure, do you hear me?", he hissed at Isabel.


Isabel nodded quickly and though cringing at his touch, she put her head down as she was dragged towards the wraparound porch of the big house.

"Oh hi, Lee – you’re back! Who’s that you got there with you, honey? She’s a scrawny little thing! And how’s about that rent money, darlin’? You got that together yet for me?", the woman on the porch in her housecoat and slippers cooed as they went up the steps towards the front door.


"I’ll have that for you right soon, LouAnne – just as soon as this little brat’s mama gives me back the money she stole from me. In the meantime, little Izzy here is gonna be bunking with me. You ain’t seen a thing, darlin – got that?"


Nodding with a wide-eyed look, LouAnne looked away as Lee dragged Isabel into the house and up the stairs to his room. It really was none of her business and she really needed that rent money since her no-good husband had run off with his secretary. It was hard to find good tenants and Lee had always been one smooth talker. Now that she thought about it, he’d yet to pay a cent of his rent money though but soon, very soon, she’d be collecting.


Isabel found herself in a small, musty-smelling room that was dark and dingy. For all the openess and warmth of the house below, it didn’t extend to this room. There was something evil about this room or maybe just the occupant.


"Can’t we open the windows or the blinds?" Isabel said in a small voice wanting to break free of the darkness surrounding them.


"No way I’m opening the blinds or the windows so you can start screaming. Sit down and shut up so I can make another phone call to that mother of yours and get the ball rollin’ on that cash."


Isabel watched as her father crossed the room to the small table, took the bottle of scotch and poured himself a drink. She closed her eyes as she imagined the danger that she was in and prayed that she could find a way out of this.


Carefully, she began moving about the room quietly looking to see what might be available to use as a weapon of some kind. She wasn’t much of a fighter but she had been bullied most of her life and knew how to fight back.


Meanwhile, her father had thrown himself down into a chair, gulped down his scotch and poured himself another.


"Even if I don’t get the money, Isabel, I have big plans for you, darlin," he said in a slurred voice.


"If your mama doesn’t put out the money and a few other things….ha ha...if you know what I mean….I’ve got uses for a girl your age. It’s about time you started thinkin' about your dear old daddy and helping him out so he doesn’t have to work so hard."


Isabel’s stomach flipped over and her palms began to sweat. The thought of never getting back to her mother, grandmother and sister terrified her but she quickly tamped it down and pressed on in her search of her surroundings.


There had to be something here that she could use to threaten him or at least stun him long enough to get away. Once she got outside and away from this place, even though she didn’t know where she was, she would go for help. She could get home – she just had to get home.



Source


Now on his third glass of scotch, her father stumbled to his feet and crossed the room to pick up the phone. As he began to dial, Izzy crept closer to the bed and the nightstand and cautiously opened the drawer just a crack to look inside.


Then she saw it – the gun lying in the drawer. She had never seen a real live gun before, much less held one – nor did she know what to do with a gun except what she had seen on television. She knew you pointed it at someone and you pulled the trigger – but knowing it and doing it were two different things.


She heard her father screaming into the phone on the other side of the room.


"Yeah you stupid old bitch, I’ve got your granddaughter! Took her right out from under their noses at that school and drove off with her! What you gonna do about it? Call the police? No one will know where we are and no one will care anyhow – she’s the daughter of a slut, a bastard!"


Isabel cringed inside – she knew what she was and she knew what her fantasies had always been. To be a normal girl with a normal family but it didn’t look like that was something that was going to be happening anytime soon. Suddenly it all didn’t seem that important though. What seemed real at that very moment was getting back to her life and being free of this real life monster.


As she heard her father yelling at her grandmother… "You tell that pig of a daughter of yours to have the money ready for me by tonight when I call at 8:00. I’ll tell her where to bring it and if she wants to see her kid again, she’ll do as I say. Got that old woman?"


"And don’t even think about calling the police because if you do and I smell something up, I’m taking Isabell as far away from here as you can imagine and you’ll never see her again."


"Besides, if you did see her again, you wouldn’t recognize her for what will have become of her when I’m through with her.’


Isabel flung open the drawer, grabbed the gun by the handle and without even thinking, pointed the barrel at her monster father and fired.


His mouth flew open, the drink crashed from his hand to the floor and he staggered back against the window and crashed through it backwards. Isabel fainted.

Source


"Izzy, wake up!  Izzy, wake up!" she heard from the dark reaches of her mind. 


"It’s almost Halloween sweetie and you’re screaming in your sleep.  Are you dreaming about ghosts and goblins?"


Isabel shook herself awake and looked down at her hand.  No gun. 


She looked around the room and all she saw were the familiar trappings of her life.  Not believing it could be so, she reached out to hug her mother and sure enough, it was her.  Not a fantasy, not a mirage but the actual real deal.   


Relieved she pinched herself to make sure it wasn’t a dream and she was really safe and sound.  


"Oh my God, mom – I had the worst nightmare"…..and as she started to speak, she glanced at the clock. 


It was 2:30 a.m. and even as she started to remember something that had to do with 2:30 a.m. somewhere on the other side of the room, the phone rang……

Photo Credit: Flickr Fear

Photo Credit: Flickr Girl Running

Source

Halloween Challenge

When asked to share their spookiest stories, these fellow hubbers took up the challenge and delivered!

Lock your doors and make sure your phone is working, grab a hot cup of java, a warm blanket and enjoy these other tales from the dark side!

The Four Horsemen by Nell Rose

Disposable by SilverGenes

Madness of the Night by saddlerider1

A Cabin in the Woods by Wayne Brown

House On the Hill by Nellieanna

An UnHalloween Story About Non-Dead Cats and a Tribute to Hubbers by MysteryLady89

More by this Author


Comments 45 comments

akirchner profile image

akirchner 5 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Thanks Will - I didn't know it came out~! What a kick!!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

and then...'the phone rang'...

Excellent! I really enjoyed this thriller, and congratulations on the Podcast!


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

I did the same, Mysterylady 89 - thanks so much!


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

I put a link to this story on my "Un-Halloween" hub.


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Thanks for stopping by, Christopher - and you got it. It was supposed to be a loop!


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 6 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

A good story, and very well told. I love the way you kind of bring it round in a circle to the phonecall again. It's like a nightmare in a loop.


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

I agree Shadesbreath and having lived it I guess it was a little cleansing to write about it. He was not a good man by any means and I am only glad that it stopped at the fear part for me when he stood in the window and trailed me for a week or so. However, the effect lingered for quite some time! I'm not a fan of horror on any level and fear of that kind is truly 'not a good thing'. However, obviously, I came back from my experience and bounced pretty well through my lifetime. I owe it all to the accordion - only kidding. Thanks so much for the read!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

What a dark place you have taken me too. This kind of stuff is creepier to me than ghosts or monsters because, frankly, it's real. Stuff that can happen makes the envisioning of it more foreboding. The upside is he got what he deserved (even if it was a dream).


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Thanks, Micky - I'm not a fan of fright either but ya gotta do what ya gotta do!


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

You scary people really come out this time of year!


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Nellieanna - Too cute - and yes, that would make an interesting article!

My life is just my life and I always say with a bit of the Jewish drawl (but I'm not Jewish after all)....it could be wooise!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

Sorry about the typo spelling your name. I usually notice and fix 'em. I have to admit that this Mac's watchful eye sometimes converts words it doesn't recognize to suit itself. Some of those are pretty comical! Might be fun to write a short piece and see what they'd do with uncertain words. hehe

Glad your life was not parallel to the story in more tragic ways, Audrey!! I understand about being a Pollyanna who can still name & describe her antithesis!


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

HH - You are too funny. Thanks for the read and glad you liked it!


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

Wow, I never thought I would get to end of your fan club. Audrey this was a great story. Well done.


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Mysterylady 89 - thanks so much for the read! Yes, even though it was based on personal experience, it was a good experience to try and recreate it. Glad you liked it!


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

After I read your comments and found out you had experienced something similar to the beginning of your story, I could understand how you captured the very real atmosphere. I felt as if this was really happening. Great job, Audrey!


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Thanks, Pamela so much for the read. Glad to know I pulled it off then!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

Audrey, That was really a scary story. I was really into it, sitting on the edge of my seat. I could smell the scotch! :} I didn't expect the dream ending. Great job with this scary story


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Crewman6 - You are too kind. It was a stretch for me but then since part of it actually happened to me, it is 'just' story telling I guess! Thank goodness mine had a happier ending.


Crewman6 profile image

Crewman6 6 years ago

Well, I just learned you can excel in ANY category, not just comedy and teaching. Wow... creepy. I still have a chill up my spine.


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Thanks for the comment, Dallas! It was different for me and I appreciate the kudos!


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 6 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

Great impact, great plot and word descriptors...


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Nellieanna - Thank you for the wonderfully elaborate hub and yes, we must be soulmates. I have never gotten over my performance and alas, Isabel is me. It did not come to fruition that he kidnapped me but the thought (obviously) was still there. I was terrified and it was a very bleak period in my life I'm afraid.

I did find him later in my life and tried to put it all behind me and have some semblance of a relationship with him because he had the same eye birth defect that my middle boy has - but it turns out he was just as spooky so I am glad that the story turned out as it did.

I took literary abandon in writing it because it just 'came to me' what could have happened to me had I been a bit more unlucky but life is just what it's supposed to be and I thank the powers that be that it didn't turn out worse. He was a brute of a man and a horrid human being - and from a Polyanna like me, that takes a lot for me to say something of that caliber about someone.

As to the music, I decided with the stage fright just to give up and play for me. I still cannot play a note when my mother is around because she is a music teacher and far too critical for my tastes. I think that's what did it for me to be honest but I understand perfection. I played the Warsaw Concerto in high school so I think I had talent (and not on the accordion - chuckle) - but the whole performance issue was a real downfall for me. I love to play now - for my pups and my best friend and hubby, Bob - that's about as far as I go! Of course when I retire and take to the road with my accordion and malamutes and Bob....we shall just have to see I guess!

Ingenira - Thanks so much for stopping by!


Ingenira profile image

Ingenira 6 years ago

Awesome !


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

WOW!

Ah, Ausdrey It certainly gripped and held me spellbound!! In the beginning I felt a strong "truthfulness" about it because I identified so totally with Isabel's dread of the recital! And it set the mood of unnamed fear right away. But the thought flashed across my mind that perhaps you'd read my various iterations of the reason I still play the piano only by reading every note, telling how I'd had a fabulous ability to memorize, especially music, as a kid. I memorized poetry too and Mother was always putting me on the spot to recite which I hated. But I hadn't been in a piano recital.

I was to play "Moonlight Sonata" in my first one at about age 10 (yeah!) and had such a siege of stage fright that my fingers turned to soft noodles, my brain went blank and I could not play a single note! Thereafter I could not play anything I'd learned or would ever again learn to play without the music before me. In fact if anyone were to actually watch and listen to me, I experience deja vu all over again! After 20 or 30 years, George had finally been able at times to tiptoe into the room and sit and listen, but if he started to accompany on his harmonica, the best I could do to act grownup was to begin to improvise, (at which I'm not good) because I was totally unable to think of the notes or see them in front of me. I might have developed more musicality had my natural course in it not been shattered by that stage fright. I will never know. I love to play but am well aware that I'm no great musician. I sometimes feel a whisper of what might have been - but . . .

Anyway I could really identify with Isabel!!! I was like meeting a soulmate!

Pure empathy! As your story began to unfold, I was as caught up in it as everyone else - - the heavy threat of it, how helpless a little girl was with such brute of a man filled with revenge and evil intent - fueled by drink; and the mother & her mother being so scared for her. Tough for them to know which is worse - scaring the little thing with fear of her absent father, squelching any hope she had that he was not a bad person, while allowing her to feel like a normal kid put her at grave risk and also made her even easier prey. But the anguish of knowing they had to be the messengers of a fright that would surely haunt her for a lifetime - wow!

If he had been as horrid to the mother as described, there would be no limit to his meanness to the child, whom he obviously viewed as illegitimate, whether his or not. His designs for her and how they would change her beyond recognition - - shudder. . . it is truly a psychodrama of the calibre of a Hitchcock or a Serling!

Whether a nightmare or reality - and my imagination had raced at the outcome of a child shooting a man - when no one believed her as he was kidnapping her in plain view of others! - It reminded me a bit of the Hitchcock story, "Marrnie" - good tale. But true or nightmare - it would disturb her for years to come, surely. . .

I know what you mean about stepping out of your usual genre. Yours, you say, is kooky. I guess mine is sort of philosophical in a soothing way - or so the feedback suggests. But I find myself quite into spooky too. Odd, huh? I'd never have foreseen it. I guess a few of my poems have elements of darker, more hidden caverns of the soul, but my forte is finding the sunshine and dispelling the cobwebs. But maybe that is because there is some intimacy with the darker awareness. I dunno. But it is a fun adventure - and YOU have really run to the top of the class with it here!

Isn't it amazing that we both found that one picture and chose to use it ? And we each re-set it in unique ways. I think yours is scarier though - hehe.

Good work and high marks!


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Thanks, SilentReed for the lovely comment. It was something I've never done before - write a short story and I'm glad I did. Good stretch of writing muscles! Thanks again for the read.

Freya 'huge' is relative, eh? I'm not a fan of fright at all. If I watch a movie that is even a bit scary, my family knows to just reach over and touch me and they will get the anticipated reaction - a scream and a jump off the sofa! And it is morning already!


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 6 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

But I guess, it already morning there, right?


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 6 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

Lol. Not huge fan of fright but write one. Ok, Audrey, it is time to confess, how big the word "Huge" for you? Hehehe.

Yes, I think I did read almost all that already link in every spooky Hubs I found. Maybe I still miss about two Hubs belong to Saddlerider, but I will go there asap.

Have a nice dream, Audrey.:)


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 6 years ago from Philippines

Evil coming in a gentle undulating tempo to an average normal parent and child situation. With the coup de grace at the nightmarish ending. Easy and enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing.


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Hey Freya - Nice to see you as always! Yes, most folks love Halloween over here. I'm actually not a huge fan of it since that was kinda sorta when this happened to me most likely (at least the first part) but never have really liked this holiday 'that much'. It is a big deal here, yes but we tend to get into most holidays I think! It is a fun one for the kids and my kids were no exception. I'm also not a huge fan of fright - but hope you enjoyed it. I was part of a group of folks that did this so hope you read theirs as well. They were awesome if you like being scared!


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 6 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

And the nightmare began.... Hiii... Hehehe... well done, Audrey! :)

This is my first Halloween ever, since there is no Halloween in my country, and it is really surprising to see so many spooky stories had been created here in Hub Pages. It seem everyone really love Halloween there, right?


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Thank ya, Wayne - it wasn't exactly werewolves and all that good stuff you wrote about, but I did have a bit of fun writing it. Actually I was a huge Hitchcock and Serling fan when we did have TV so that is quite a compliment. Maybe they rubbed off on me!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

Well you spun me right down to the end and then finished me off in a "Rod Serling" style move...that wretched phone ringing at just the appointed time as it did in the dream. Nice twist. I liked it! WB


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Thanks for the read, Nell - I didn't really think I could write spooky as I'm KOOKY rather than spooky as we all know but glad it worked!

BJ - Actually I played the piano since age 4 - so on top of the accordion misery there was also the piano misery. It just seemed more spooky to give her my piano aversion rather than my accordion aversion! I didn't want people laughing after all!! I was a basket case regardless of the instrument, however, and I have to say that at least playing the clarinet (as long as I didn't have a solo, which I often did because I ended up being first chair!!!), I didn't feel quite so exposed or nervous when playing as a group thankfully.

I enjoy my hubs that are kooky more than spooky as well. I think it was a good story for me to write though it was part true - up to the man in the window and the scare it gave me for probably a month or so. I never did see him again and although it was a terrifically frightening part of my life, I guess closure is always an important thing. My hubby was a little upset when he read the story (and here I thought I had disguised it all so well!!) but he finally realized (I hope) that what I do I usually do for my own good and if it doesn't hurt me, it shouldn't hurt anyone else.

ALL THAT SAID (good grief) - thanks so much for the read and for always being one of my devoted companions in writing! It was a nervous thing to put this out there because I didn't think it fit the bill but it was 'fun' although reading everyone else's got my nerves jangling and it gave me a small heart attack! Fright is not my bag!!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

I know what a cool writer you are, Audrea, but I thought as I was reading, starting with that early morning phone call, this is too realistic, too real-life-like. And I wanted to ask, could that have been an accordion recital Isabel was referring to?

Audrea - You are excellent at scary, spooky.

But I enjoy even more your hubs that are kooky.

And speaking from experience, those 2:30 am phone calls are seldom good news. From now on, don't answer the phone!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

Hi, Audrey, I love the twist at the end! brilliant, and I was absolutely riveted especially when I thought she was going to shoot him, and then...! brilliant, loved it, rated up and everything as it frightened me! ha ha


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Thanks for the read, Kim!


kaltopsyd profile image

kaltopsyd 6 years ago from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA

Oooh, that was wicked! You can take that term either way. Wicked cool, or wicked mean. haha. I was hoping that it was a nightmare. I really was. Great story!


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Charlie - Thanks so much for commenting - Wow - I'm touched...Rod Serling and Hitchcock all in one day! I truly did like those when I was growing up so maybe they rubbed off on me. The phone call really did happen and the fright was real. It is a true story insofar as my 'father' for lack of a better word did contact my mom and threatened my life. Thankfully the rest of it did not occur after I saw him in the window - but that was quite enough!

Darlene - SO glad to hear from you!! Keep me posted and thanks so much for reading!!

RedElf - You are too kind....thanks so much for the read and glad you enjoyed it. It was kind of a purging I think in the end that I got it out of my system!


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RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

Well done! You are hereby elevated to the ranks of Grand Master Scary Story-teller!


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Darlene Sabella 6 years ago from Hello, my name is Toast and Jam, I live in the forest with my dog named Sam ...

Hello my dear friend, I clung to every word, this hub is fantastic, you are such a great writer, I loved it! I am now home and before I start writing again, I wanted to say a quick hello to you...I am so happy to be home, I left on June 10th and it has been a long and emotional journey. Awesome story, happy Holloween....


ralwus 6 years ago

Oh this is good, most excellent Audrey. I would add it has Rod Serling written all over it and it seems to not really end, even more suspense in the not telling what the real phone call was at 2.30. Kudos, keep writing now. Charlie


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akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon Author

Thanks Ken for the comments - you are too kind. It was worrying me a bit to write this because it was based actually on a true story which my husband, Bob called me out on. I thought I had masked it well enough but he caught on. It actually was therapeutic writing it and I had a good time with it. Surprise myself all the time.

Alexandra - Thanks for the great comment - and having already read it for me, I really appreciate it. You guys' stories though had my heart a thumpin'. I'm going to be remembering all YOUR stories for a long, long time - and probably looking over my shoulder every minute until November!!


SilverGenes 6 years ago

Audrey, the suspense is a killer in this story! Wow! I agree with SR - this is very Hitchcock! From the phone to the scene at school, I found myself totally involved in this nightmare! Awesome job!


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saddlerider1 6 years ago

Wow what a scary story. You had me riveted to my laptop, following every word. You spun this dream so well, I didn't think for a moment that it was a nightmare you were having.

How awful it would be for a parent to do that to their child. I am so glad she found the gun and blew him away, he was so creep and evil. You weaved this story into a very Hitchcock type suspense, Bravo, Bravo another great one for Halloween.

Thanks for the fantastic share, you are a dam good writer. I rate this way UPPPPPPP. pressing all your buttons for sure.

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