I live in NSW, 700Km inland, because my boyfriends uncle convinced us to come here. (from NZ).
We havn't quite been here 6 months, but it only took 1 day to figure out that my bf's uncle, (Bob), is a total bastard! IE: He will have a meltdown if when you go to his house and fail to stack your shoes, directly side by side, and straight. Any exscuse he can find to have a bitch, he will. He's a really miserable person, because i think he has chronic depression.
Bob live's just down the road from us, and manipulated us into comming here, because of his mental illnesses. My bf's aunty came over to Australia from NZ to live with us, but she left in tears because her brother is an unbearable asshole.
This woman, (Marion), wasn't just upset, she was devistated, she will never speak to her brothr her again. This is due to to his character. He is only ever interested in talking about himself, and he's not interested in any news that's about you.
And then my boyfriends mum came here from NZ too for xmas, a few days ago. She took him away to the city , (Sydney), for xmas so that we wouldn't have to play 'happy families' on xmas day.
My bf and i arnt interested in reconcilliation with him really, because half the reason Marion was so upset, was because he running us down to her verbally, every day.
So we know what he thinks of us: feral, hippies, hopeless, useless...We came here because he HARD OUT presured `us into it..because he has depression and needs family around him, but doesnt want them around him. Every thing you do is wrong, seriously, even the way you put the lid on tle is wrong!!
So my bf's mum understands that we don't realy want anything to do with Bob anymore, and took him away to spare us playing 'happy families.'
Besides that, my bf and i havn't had for about 6 weeks, so we're broke
well sometimes it makes you feel better to just giggle amongst yourselves. You and your BF. And don't take things personally, Obviously if nothing can be done right then you're not the problem. Cheers! Play a game of secrets with your bf while you are there and you can create some inside jokes or something and the two of you can laugh it off.
Your so right Crystal!! Honestly, one thing my bf's uncle says that we take the piss out of is him moping around, declaring, 'My head's full of shit!!' Turning into a joke, it's the best you can do really when someone really grinds your gears!!!
marcel285 - I think sometimes we let the problems overcome the good things at hand, I am a widower, and lost my youngest son a year ago he would have been 25 today (Christmas Eve). I cherish the time I now have with my older son. Yet I still feel the joy of the season. Might be cause in our 23 years together my wife and I treated every day together as special. We never lived any closer than 800 miles to any of our relatives so I can't help with your situation there other than to advise maybe to do the same.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers this Christmas and hope all works out well in the end for you. And a special Blessing for your BF's Mum for doing her duty. She is special give her a hug from me.
Go in there and tell him he;s awanker. sorted. actually dont listen to me i've been on the bottle this eveing.
Sorry to hear about you being sort of "trapped in place" there, Marcel. I'm a firm believer in putting large chunks of real estate between us (my wife and me) and toxic relatives.
So, understanding Christmas isn't looking all that Merry for you at the moment, I'll just say "never say die". I remember all too clearly what it felt like to be without money or wheels in the big city of San Diego in 1985, and me a ranch raised Montana country boy. The only good thing about the Dark Night of Soul is that it does in fact pass...eventually.
Merry Christmas marcel285....I have just finished reading your Hub 'Top Tips for Harmony'. It was very good and full of wisdom. I realise your bf's uncle has sucked all the energy from you, and that would be bringing you down...how difficult a time it is for you, but try and enjoy your Christmas day and every day. We are so lucky to have our physical and mental health...remember that the strong have to carry the weak when the occasion calls for it. Keep up your good writing.
Some people don't celebrate Christmas so you're not the only one that's not liking Xmas right now.
Makes my Xmas seem pretty pleasant- although I am all alone right now since my wife and step daughter are far away sorting out some stuff about schooling. Xmas doesn't mean anything in Thailand, anyway.
I would say the only thing to do is to be honest with your bf's uncle. Tell him he is clearly depressed and needs to do something about it, like talking about it honestly or getting some medication. Depression is curable.
The chances are he will reject everything you say then you need to think about leaving. Best think about leaving first, settle some plan and you will feel much better.
Giving advice is so easy but I couldn't help myself. Hope something works out.
Your not wrong there mate. I will give people a second, third,fourth, fith chance always. I believe the best resolution for the uncle situation is to refeer him to a psychologist. But that would be senseless, seeing as he's always right, and has al the correct answera for how to do just about anything.
Forgive, forget, and get the hell out of here!! is what i think to be the best option
You aren't the only one who is having a heck of a time. My partner and I have had a year from hell, and are desperately hoping that because this is our daughter's first christmas, the holiday will be a good one despite all the bad that has happened: his brother being diagnosed with and dying from cancer in the space of two weeks in the summer, his sister's chemo failing to deal with her hep c, her subsequent move to the canary islands, the family dog dying, me hearing that my family and friends (who are 3000+ km away from me) having a similarly rough time that I can't help out with, and us not recieving the financial assistance we were counting on.
We made it though! We're all intact and we haven't had a breakdown. We are looking forward to tomorrow, just because of our little daughter. She's the year's single saving grace.
Sorry to hear about your experience. I on the other hand am in a situation that I feel I have no control over. You see my husband and I are foing through a divorce and I have left the house that my childern grew up in they are 21,20 and my youngest turned 17 today christmas eve.
Now I'm not feelig very festive sort of like in a daze not really caring much about anything.
I thought I had left in good terms. obviously not my kids
are not speaking to me. and we used to be very close, so I thought. turns out my husband has said some things that were not true, pretty much no one really knows the real truth of why I left except for him and I. Now if I want any one to know then Ill tell them on the other hand it would only make my ex husband to be look like a damn fool.And I couldn't do that being that my kids just began to get along with him, You see they are his step children and when we were together it was hell for the last 4 years. I mean I tried I really did but he wouldn't budge. and I just couldn't any more. now x-mas is coming and I don't even remember thanksgiving.I cry all the time and Im hating this holiday so much.
If I told my kids just what really the reason was they won't be as happy as they are right now. But It would make me happy as hell.because I would be with everyone that I love dearly. But why go through all the name calling just so that I can be happy.
Best for only one to be unhappy than have five plus be unhappy. Im doing this for every one. All though Im feeling so sad
The parts that I enjoy about the holidays (the lights, being humbled and light hearted, hanging out with people you care about, and just the general good old "spirit of christmas") seems to become trampled with all of the things that I don't like about holidays (obligation, marketing, gifts, waste of paper, cutting down all the little Christmas trees, pressure of everything!!!)
No, your not the only one.
I'm not even christian, but I was raised celebrating christmas not as the supposed birth of christ, but as a time for giving and being with your loved ones. I know it's become one big consumer parade, but I still get light-hearted and happy on that day, even when my finances say I can't get gifts for everyone. I still love the feeling of togetherness that comes with that day.
You don't give up, do you, ale999?
You've been reported again.
Move on !
I think that the last year '09 has been especially rough for most. With the economy on the quick fall, and the day to day stresses we all face, it's hard to feel festive about anything in these times we are living in. I've suffered deaths and many losses this year,myself. I was not in the mood- at all this year for Christmas. But, I decided that it was up to me to get myself into the mood. I have 3 children who don't understand " Santa was not in the mood this year kids" SO, I made my mind up, forced myself to put on a happy face and pretended to be happy for those around me. But, the strangest thing happened...I actually got into the mood. Inspite of arguments, stress, financial burdens, family problems, stacks of unpaid bills, and the list goes on from here. I've learned from this..happiness is a CHOICE. On the other hand, so is depression. If he refuses to seek treatment for his depression and mood swings, I would definately start saving to return to where you were happy at before he convinced you to move there. I would treat him as nicely as possible while I was there--if it killed me! I would heap tons of kindness and thoughtfulness upon him until you could afford to move back home. In doing so, maybe...just maybe some of it would rub off on him. And, if not..then atleast if anything ever happens to him, you will have no regrets because you know you did all you could do for the grumpy old grouch! Moods and attitudes are contageous....he can either catch your good mood( this will take some time and some biting your tongue) or you will catch his negative, never pleased mood. Honey, sounds like he's rubbing off on you. Don't let a mentally ill person ruin your holiday or any other day. You just let what he says in one ear and out the other. You know that he's not right in his thinking/actions...so don't take it personal. Let it roll off like water off a duck's back. Be kind until it hurts. Give until it nearly breaks you. What goes around will always come back around one way or another. Even if he never sees or appreciates what you do for him...someone else somewhere will. You will get what you've given back in another way or another person. Karma always catches up with us. Your fellings are normal, considering your awful circumstances....but, try to plant a harvest of peace,love, giving, and joy,and most of all patience. Isn't this what these holidays are supposed to be about anyways? I hope it all works out for you. Maybe a heart to heart talk to him would help. If he knew how you felt there and the lengths you went to to move there and the fact you are leaving due to his rudeness, maybe he would atleast try to get a handle on it. If not, you did your best. That's all a person can do. Good luck. Never let another human being steal your happiness and joy. Life's too short to care what others think of us.
Despite all my misgivings, it actually turned out to be a pretty good christmas. Because we were low on money, I bought my partner's gift last month (and gave it to him then, because he hikes twice a month: a nice warm water-proof coat), and I made him promise not to buy me a gift, since he already gave me a christmas tree. Well he promised. And....he broke the promise.
Knowing my fondness for arts and crafts, and also for antiques, he got me a second-hand old-fashioned sewing machine that actually works very well. One of those black and gold iron (or some other metal) Singer models, with the wheel on the back. It was love at first sight, I tell ya.
We went to my inlaws' house and, even though I miss my own family something terrible, we had a good time. Our 4 month old girl still got spoiled rotten, through little gifts from us, homemade gifts from grandparents, and the community christmas charity, and the dinner was put together by a bit from everybody. It was christmas on a dime, and it came together beautifully. I hope other people here had just as good a time, and that it was a happy ending to a horrid year.
Christmas can be depression, check out the video below goes further into
what is called "Holiday Regression"
I think that you and your boyfriend need to work out where you want to live and what you want to do with your lives. Do you want to work or do you want to study or travel? Don't let yourselves be manipulated by anyone, not even close relatives, as it is your life and your responsibility to make the best life possible for yourself.
If your uncle won't get help, there is nothing more you can do, and allowing him to continue bullying you both is doing nobody any good.
I hope that you have a happier New Year, but you need to stay stong and make your own decisions.
Marcel, very sorry to hear this! I think what you have posted here would be my answer:
"Forgive, forget, and get the hell out of here!! is what i think to be the best option."
I thought this thread would just be about the stress of shopping, sending cards, and visiting family. I am very sorry to hear about your situation.
I agree this is your best option. You went there to help, but discovered that's impossible, so you may as well leave when you can. Very nice of you boyfriend's mum to help you out on Christmas. And Frugal Fanny, your baby's pic is just adorable.
Happy New Year!
OMG THAT SUCKS!I feel sooo sorry for u and ur bf! Christmas isnt what is used to be this year it was like any other day really ! its tough this year becasue ireland are in a recession and stuff and im only young and dont get it much but i feel the worry off everyone!Im glad ur bf's mum took him away I hope things start to look up .. but at least you have your health (im presuming) and being broke sucks but u have someone to love you and a life ahead of you and things can only get better from here
No you're not, Marcel ... read my story here. I will be soooooo glad when the holidays are over! http://hubpages.com/hub/BAH-HUMBUG-An-A … -Dark-Side
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