-Gay Dating- A First Date Checklist

The dating pool is treacherous water I still have nightmares about. It can be vicious, competitive, heartbreaking....but, if you are in the market for a mate, it's unavoidable. The dating world for straights is vastly different from the gay dating world, obviously. Although the socially-assigned roles placed on men and women are starting to blur, as far as dating goes, breeders are still raised to know what to expect and how to act based upon gender. Unfortunately for those of us who identify as gay, our collective upbringings did nothing for our knowledge of dating etiquette (unless you were born and raised in West Hollywood, where the city symbol is rainbow colored...).This article is intended for those of you who are about to embark upon a first date, whether it be arranged off the internet, through a friend, a blind date or someone you recently have met. I have had years and years of experience in the gay dating capital, West Hollywood, California, and have got the whole frightening-yet-rewarding process down to a science. Check it out!!

First Date Checklist

• Smile.

Smiling exudes confidence, health and happiness. Even if you have had a day/week from hell, hide it behind a forced, glistening smile. Moisturize the corners of your mouth that night to reduce smile lines from all the smiling you SHOULD be doing.

• This next guideline is in the same vein as the first. Don't bring up negative shit going on in your life.

There is nothing worse to sit across than a whiney person who seems to thrive on drama. Even if this describes you, let your date in on the secret on your second or third date. Your first date is your time to shine.

• Chivalry is NOT dead, it is encouraged.

Be a fucking gentleman. Regardless of whether or not you strictly identify as dominant or passive, show manners, etiquette and thoughtfulness on the first date. Don't worry, you're still a princess. But I'm positive if you treat him like one on the first date, he will treat you like one forever.

• Talk About Achievements.

Whether they are personal, social, career-based or financial, a first date is a great time to show just how great you are. There is a catch, of course. Speak of personal accomplishments in the most humble light possible. Don't over-do it or your ego will surely deny you a second date.

• While most of us gays, including myself, live in a world starring them, a first date should be thought of as a mutual interview.

Try to make sure it hasn't been about you all night. If you notice that you haven't taken a bite in twenty minutes because of your jabber-jaw, start eating and let your date get something out. Plus, even if he is your very own McDreamy, personality does matter. You won't know shit about his unless you keep the conversation balanced.

• Ask creative and revealing questions.

This will be easier if the first date is with someone you have had correspondence with for a period of time as you will be familiar with their interests and background. If it is a blind date or a date with someone you met out and about, try to think of fun questions prior. DON"T go for cheesey tactis. "What's your sign" and "How big are you" are good examples of what NOT to ask. "Where has your favorite travel taken you?" and other Miss America pageant type inquiries are fun. Craft your questions to learn the most about him without being cheesey. If Miss America is your idea of cheesey take a different approach, but be creative.

• Don't bring up past relationships.

Nothing is a buzzkill for a first date more than bringing up baggage or past relationships. We all have both of the aforementioned and will have plenty of time to discuss why we are in therapy twice a week later in the budding relationship.

• Drink wine.

It will loosen you up and make you more comfortable. Don't go overboard though! Plus, always check for roofies if the date is from the internet.

• Order Desert.

Whether or not you are stuffed (oh yeah, order your main course sensibly), it's always a great idea to end a first date with something sweet. Considering most restaurants only give one desert menu per table, the two of you coming closer over a candlelit table to decide upon a desert is a great time to get a closer look.

• If continuing the date past dinner or a different first-activity, choose carefully.

Still try to keep a second activity public. Don't go to a gay club. If he suggests it, consider it a red flag. Movies are obvious but don't allow for conversation. Think a cafe or art gallery. And, duh, don't go to his place (or a park, or the backseat of his car).

• End the date with sweet honesty.

If you are uninterested in your date, please do not say "Cool, well, I'll give you a call", or, "Yeah, I'd love to do it again". It's tacky if it's not true, and you know you won't call. Don't be that guy. A simple, "Thanks for a great time" will suffice if you never want to see this person again. If you are interested, it is definitely okay to say you thought it was "wonderful" or that you would "love" to see him again. I am from the new school of dating that says kissing on a first date is fine. However, if you really like the guy, I would think twice about going further than that. It usually doesn't last longer than three weeks if you're bumpin' uglies the first night.

The BOTTOM line is to have fun, even if you're not having fun. If it seems to be a mutually attractive connection, you have no reason not to exude confidence. If you aren't interested, think of your date as a friend you are just out having a good time with. Who knows, if you keep it fun and positive, you might end up with more of a connection than you thought. Cheers and much luck out there in the shallow waters of the dating pool!