Every parent is concerned with their ability to raise well adjusted children. While life continues to move rapidly sometimes with seemingly unrelenting pressure parents face the extra challenge of raising children who are happy, secure and well-adjusted. Parents want to raise their children not only to be happy now in their childhood but be able to take coping skills into adulthood with them. This can be an overwhelming challenge for parents who are already coping with the demands of career, marriage and other commitments. But the bottom line is that parents who take the time to nurture their children into adulthood raise children who are not just well-adjusted but happy, productive members of society. The essence of this goal is to make sure that your kids receive the nurturing that they require from the adults in their lives in the way they need to receive it. Here is what you need to know about raising well-adjusted children.

• Understand that it begins at the beginning. Too often new parents worry that they are paying to much attention to their newborn, carrying or spoiling the baby to much. The truth is that you cannot spoil an infant. A baby who understands that his or her needs will be met begins life in a calmer and more loving way. Infants who are responded to quickly and lovingly become older babies who are less fussy and insecure. They begin to perceive that the world is not threatening but rather a place of exploration and discovery. Giving your child a secure and loving beginning is the first step towards well-adjustment.
• Continue to provide unconditional love. This means that you must listen to and pay attention to children without judging and evaluating their every action, feeling and desire. Try to go for a week without saying "Good Job" and instead really listen and pay attention to your child. Just smile instead as you watch your children at play or work. You can also say what you see your child doing without judgment attached to it, such as "I saw you swing higher than you ever have. Conversely when your kids are doing something that you do not like or is not appropriate, you can still pay attention to what they are saying, even when you do not agree with the way they are expressing themselves. For example you can say "Did you push Johnny because he was too close to you? Instead of pushing let's think of another way you can let him know you need more space."

• Schedule time to have fun with your children. To often the time to play with our children gets pushed to the bottom of the priority list. Try to play games that get you both laughing. You can also play for at least 20 minutes a day where you follow your child's lead and do what he wants to do without teaching, judging or correcting. You may find a new bond with your child that you have never experienced before. This also teaches children that fun and enjoyment are an important part of life. And the biggest benefit may be is that laughing and watching children really enjoy themselves is good for our brains, our bodies and our souls.
• Work to create a family environment of trust. Sometimes this can mean letting kids find out for themselves what works best for them. As parents it is important to understand that we do not have to step in at every turn. The lesson is often learned best when we do not say "I told you so." No matter how hard we have to fight to hold back that phrase, it will be worth it in the long run to provide support and hugs instead. Realize that your child is smart. When we do not interfere and try to teach them a lesson by lecturing to them is often when they learn the lesson the best. Most often the only thing lecturing does is plugs up their ears with our words and our children learn to quickly tune their parents out.
• Make sure you are giving more love and attention than they are asking for. It is often when kids have to try to get our love, acceptance and nurturing that they can turn to problem behaviors for attention. These children may also have problems with speech, learning and developing to their full potential in many ways because of their struggle to gain love and acceptance. Work to find out exactly how your child experiences feeling loved (cuddles, affection, your attention, your listening, doing things together) and give so much of what they need that they do not have to ask repeatedly (or act out) for it.
• Realize that your time is more precious than your money. In today's world parents often feel pressured to give their child the latest techno gadget or a brand-new car for their 16th birthday. If you can afford these things-great! But you must be vigilant to make sure that your child does not see these material possessions as proof of your love. Even more affluent parents who can afford these luxuries often require their children to work to pay for part of them or set them up as reward for certain achievements so their children do not see these material gifts as objects of parental affection. Buying your children off instead of spending time and attention on them only serves to reinforce that money is more important than they are. In addition your presence in their lives is the greatest gift you really can give them. Attendance at their games, recitals and plays shows them how important you think their lives are. This helps children to grow up in a secure environment with a well-adjusted view of the world.
• Realize that you are the only parents your child has. It can be difficult to discipline your child (at any age). As parents we instinctively want to be liked but to do this we often abdicate our responsibility as parents in order to be our child's friend. Whether your child has lots of friends or only a few you must remember that you are the only who can parent your child and most importantly you have your child's best interest at heart. It may be difficult but to parent well it to face the reality that being a parent means sometimes you will not be liked.
• Set limits for your children. Kids may fight against having boundaries but the truth is that all children want to know where the limits are. Just make sure that your rules are clear, concise and have appropriate penalties should they be broken. In addition you must make sure that your kids have a clear understanding of what the rules really are since their interpretation and yours can be vastly different. Also you must realize that boundaries and discipline is not a one size fits all. Some children (even within the same family) will require more supervision and rules than others. You will also have to periodically review rules and readjust as your child grows and matures.

•     Make service a part of your family life.  Too often today children grow up with a limited view of the world.  To raise productive and caring adults you must start when they are kids.  Take your kids with you to volunteer at a food bank or help with a clothing drive, have them see you donate blood or participate in Sub-for-Santa programs.  All of these things teach your kids about giving back to the world and helps them understand how fortunate they are. By letting your kids see that they can make a difference in the world you are empowering them with values that can help then help them determine a productive course in life.
•     Do not be afraid to say you are sorry.  Many parents are afraid of apologizing to their children and appearing weak.  The truth is that all parents make mistakes-lots of them!  By showing your children that you are adult enough to own up to your mistakes and apologize you are helping them achieve equilibrium in their life.  Many children who act out do so because they feel powerless in their lives.  By showing your children that you are not always right you are helping them to feel of importance which in turn helps with being well-adjusted.
•     Celebrate the moments-big and small!  Research shows that most well-adjusted adults report being part of a family dynamic that included celebrating the best moments of life.  By recognizing birthdays (remember not just your children's but yours as well), anniversaries, wins, jobs gotten and engagements made we are letting our children know that whatever age they are that they are special in our lives. Take a moment to acknowledge good report cards, getting on the team or simply trying out for the play.  This helps your child not only feel a part of a family (a crucial component to being well.