When we fall in love we see the world through a special lens. You call each other and say things like, "I was thinking of you, were you thinking of me?" You laugh a lot and think everything is funny. You nibble on each other's ears. You open car doors for her and she cooks you meals fit for a king. You have so much in common; you know this must be the perfect match. Everything just flows effortlessly.

Then it happens. Suddenly you realize her hair's a wreck. You can't believe she's wearing that shirt, etc., etc., etc. She says you need to get rid of that gut and stop making those messes, and you can't agree on anything.

What the heck is happening here? After deep reflection, pondering this question, the following conclusion was drawn. You've found what is called an Imago partner. Someone I regret to say is uniquely unqualified (for the moment) to provide you with the love you want. And this is the way it's supposed to work.

Here's the thesis. Although it seems we have free will when choosing our mates, our primitive brain actually chooses for us, matching us with someone who resembles one of our parents in order to resolve unresolved issues. No matter how well our parents' intentions were raising us, they weren't perfect. They failed to provide certain essential needs, which caused emotional wounds.

As we are raised, we instinctively form a pattern of behavior to guard us against being wounded again. But our minds continue to be etched with an image, an imprint of our parents' traits.

The longing we sense is the expectation that the person we fall in love with will fill the void our parents couldn't meet. But a difficulty instantly arises because our mate, who also carries childhood wounds, begins the relationship with similar expectations and opposite patterns of protecting themselves.

It's critical to realize the fact that incompatibility is common in relationships. "Conflict is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive, to heal by stretching out of its defenses."

Do this exercise with your partner to clear up any emotional wounds you each have:

1. Ask your partner what their greatest frustration is with you. Next, what does your partner need from you most? Ask. Now listen intently without getting upset. Validate their feelings, and empathize with them. Attempt to console their most inner needs.

You may be thinking. What else is needed for a healthy relationship? Research reveals that although it is totally fine to enjoy your differences, the one critical factor for a healthy, long-term relationship is agreeing on core values. If you don't have this, suddenly you'll find yourself working 50 times harder to keep your relationship from unraveling. In fact, you might as well stamp it:

THE TEMPLE OF DOOM!

Once you become the right prince or princess and you understand the importance of agreeing on core values, there are seven qualities to look for in a partner:

1. Commitment to personal growth

2. Emotional openness

3. Integrity

4. Maturity and responsibility

5. High self-esteem

6. Positive attitude toward life

*7. If I was to mention one factor that stands out as being critically important in a relationship, it would be this - friendship. Think about it. When you are friends, very often things flow freely. You enjoy spending time together. When you disagree, it's easier to bounce back.

Now you are on your way to attracting your true soul mate.

A true soul mate is a soul intertwined with your with "a profound and timeless level of love, trust, and devotion." It guides you to complete your journey, as you guide it to complete its journey. Once you have found a true soul mate, "you grow to feel completely loved, completely safe, completely known."