10 Little Ways To Show Your Husband You Care
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This hub is a response to a question asked by a reader in 10 Little Ways To Show Your Wife You Care. He asked if I let my husband relax after a long day at work, or helped him out in any way. This forced me to consider my role and efforts as a wife, from my husband’s point of view.
Here is my list (that I have not mastered, by the way) of things to do (and not do) for your husband to let him know you care. I definitely have some old-fashioned beliefs, but please don’t take the video seriously! I am not pretending to have all the answers regarding men and I do not possess the secrets to a happy marriage, but I do think there are a few things any man will appreciate.
Before I even start the list, I will state the obvious; every woman already knows what to do to make her husband happy, at least for a short time. I am including it just so the men don’t feel cheated or think that I don’t understand what they really, really want. Make his favorite dinner occasionally. Bring him a beer when he’s watching the game. Take off your clothes. Anytime is fine.
How Be The Perfect Wife
- Let him know you are his biggest fan. Tell him how great he is, how much you appreciate the little things he does to help you (no matter how small), and how much he’s loved. I am not suggesting you lie. If you are not his biggest fan, you should be!
- It is best to avoid asking questions such as “What are you thinking about, honey?” Men hate this because they know they will get themselves into trouble if they tell you what they were really thinking. Or they can't remember.
- Always speak highly of him to others. Don’t call up your best friend to tell her about his latest stupid mistake.
- Don’t cut him down. It may be tempting to tell him exactly what you think of him during an argument, but hold your tongue. Deep down, somewhere, you love this man, and shredding him to bits will only make the situation worse. Don’t remind him of his weaknesses at every opportunity. Most men are fully aware of their weaknesses and do not need reminding.
- Be quick to apologize for snapping at him when you are tired and cranky.
- Listen to what he has to say. This may include topics that you neither understand nor care to be enlightened about, such as the rules of fantasy football or a comparison of programming codes.
- Although it is widely believed that men are dogs, don’t treat him like one. Don’t attempt to keep him on a short leash, or even long chain. I know the idea of a shock collar (as used in dog training) is appealing, but really, he’s a big boy now.
- Appreciate who he is and don’t try to change him. You knew who he was when you married him. Trying to make him into something different is: A. a waste of your time because it will not work and B. just annoying. He was flawless in your eyes when you first met. Is he really not good enough now? I know, you have grown and changed and expanded. Let him appreciate you, but stay the same.
- Encourage his hobbies, even if you aren’t fond of them. My husband loves motorcycles. People are always saying things like “I can’t believe your wife let you have a bike” and “How could you let him do that?” Let him? That’s not how it is supposed to work. He is my husband, not my child. Yes, I worry. I ask him call to check in. I also love to see the smile on his face when returns safely from a nice long ride.
- Don’t make fun of his team, even if they always lose. It is likely that your husband has been programmed since birth to be a fan of a particular sports team. This rule additionally applies to Star Trek and Star Wars fans. If your husband is still a fan of the band KISS, then you have permission to go wild with abuse.
A Few Extras
Leave him alone when he is in the bathroom. I have a friend who follows her husband in there when she knows he ‘s going to be awhile just to have his complete attention. If your man doesn’t listen to you, find a more enjoyable alternative.
If you ever find yourself thinking that this man of yours is too difficult to live with, remember that he has to live with you. Are you always a perfectly dreamy mate? I’m not. I commented recently that when we finally have an opportunity to spend time together, I will have grown old and bitter and not be any fun anymore. The implication that I am not yet bitter was very amusing to him. But he puts up with it, along with my complaining (I am quite talented), my constant exhaustion and my frequent refusal to be social, particularly with his friends.If you enjoyed this hub, please take a minute to vote for me to win the Good Mood Blogger gig! Vote for Amy
- Marriage Fitness
A program to bring the love and spark back to your marriage. - The Best Marriage Advice I Ever Got - Redbook
- 'Don't fight in front of the kids' and other advice you can ignore - CNN.com
- Play to Win - Confessions of a Perfect Husband : Men's Health.com
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Comments
Thanks Erinn!
Amy,
Good list, but as a husband, I can tell two things that I would have added.
One, if I tell you we need to leave to go somewhere at 8, I mean 8 - not 8:15 or later. Be on time when we are going somewhere.
Two, please don't make me guess what you might be upset about. I am horrible at mind reading. Do us both a favor, tell me - making me guess only gets us both upset.
John
HI Ami, Great hub. Just a little tip that I always pass on to my friends. The three most important words that couples need to know that solves lots of problems - I am sorry!
Blessings
Hi John, thank you for the additional tips. My husband is always late, so I didn't think of that one. You are right, women should be crystal clear when talking to men, especially when they want something! Expecting a man to know what you are thinking (or feeling) is unfair.
Hi encourager, thank you for reading and commenting. You are absolutely right! Being able to say you are sorry is essential for both husband and wife. We say it often around here :)
Thanks for responding my question in your previous hub by publishing this hub...
These are main things that husbands are looking from their wifes . I wish You a Happy Married Life
As usual a great job. I think each couple would be well served to find and celebrate the core values of their marriage. My wife Myra and I value peace and harminoy and that is what we still have 20 years later.
Good stuff Amy!
This is a very good piece of writing, you make valid points and suggestions, I don't think a lot of women realize how over bearing they can be...remember ladies, pick your battles, otherwise your man will complain that you nag too much!
Prems4u, thanks so much. I'm sure there are many more small acts of kindness that women could do to show their husbands they care, but I think respect goes a long way! :)
Again, some good tidbits, thanks Amy!
Hi Neil, I value peace and harmony too and I am always surprised when couples seem to enjoy bickering. Thanks for much for the comment!
Thanks Lady Luck, maybe it is in our nature to want to control everything (because we know just about everything) but you are right, no body appreciates a nag!
Thanks, Pete!
Nice work! I will email this one to Mr. Hicks too! :-) He was sad when I sent him the first one (do I not do all those things for you already, he asked??)
Hi amy jane, I do not have a husband. But I have 3 brothers and I know what it is like to live with men! LOL I was grinning when I went through your tips esp the one about asking "what do you think?" I also like to ask a lot and I remember this guy telling me, "Why are you so cerebral?" LOL (he was a doctor by the way)Great hub!
--michelle
Steph, I am so sorry he was sad! Maybe this one will make him feel better. :)
Thanks, michelle - too funny! Hmmm, maybe we do think too much? I have been accused of that before... :)
I like this one, I think a lot of your items are about giving him R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Yes, we all want that!
Thanks MOmmagus. Respect is huge - for all of us!
You read us well Amy. I know you don't present this from a position of weakness so I daresay if all women practiced this, (and the guys play their part) we'd have a lot less divorce and much happier marriages. Thanks for helping us out girl!
Thank you so much, penmanzee! I do feel that strong women can honor and respect the men in their lives. It is an even bigger compliment for a man to be admired and respected by a woman of strength and intelligence.
I thank you for the tips. I will extend them to long-term boyfriend as well. I especially have trouble with number 6. Fantasy football... it's an automatic physical response: eyes glaze over, fidgeting, the flight mechanism kicks in... Just one thing: I disagree about leaving him alone during his "bathroom time" - that vulnerable position is the PERFECT opportunity for me to get revenge for all his usual bugging and teasing. >:D (Please note that this revenge is always exacted from the other side of the door.)
Yes, yes, yes. Husband, not child. You hit the nail on the head, amy jane. Great hub.
Great hub you may want to read my http://hubpages.com/hub/ways-to-win-his-heart to get an additional perspective from a guy's point of view
Sapristi, LOL! So funny! I am glad to hear that you are staying on the other side of the bathroom door - for your sake! My friend really does follow her guy in and sit down across from him to get his attention. Sounds like you are keeping things fun. :)
Thanks Peter! It is easy for women to get confused on this one, as they are constantly cleaning up after their husbands. :)
cheapbuys, I took at look at your hub and I like your point of view! Thanks for reading and commenting.
amy jane, yes, I believe we think too much LOL and analyze too much HAHA --michelle, ripplemaker
Terrific advice, Amy...especially #8. I see so many women RE-marrying (many times) and trying to change every man they marry to make him "better." It's sad really. Why not just love and accept him for who he is, flaws and all. After all, that's what makes us each unique--flaws. :)
Thanks Hope! I agree - I always think about what my husband has to put up with (living with me) as a reminder to let him "be" who he is! Thanks for reading :)
The video "How To Be a Perfect Wife" was really cute. Very good tips throughout. Thank you.
Thank you, Andromeda! That video always makes me laugh. I am glad you enjoyed reading this. :)
incredibly fabulous hub. Ive been married for 3 months now. i think you touched upon all the different things we founght about within only the first three weeks of marriage (no we didnt live together first!) Now the'yre just repeating themes for all of our new fights, only thanks to learning and experience, the fights pop up far more in frequently. Keep dishing out the good advice! And by the way, what you said about remembering how your husband has to put up with you too, its so very true. But my mother reminded me of that last time i called to complain about something dumb and now i always keep it in mind!
Thanks so much Annette! I am glad you found this helpful. Realizing that my husband has to put up with me and admitting that it probably isn't easy on him was a big step for me. Focusing on all the things that you love about your husband will help you to let go of all the little things that will annoy you over time. :)
That was hysterical, loved it amy!
Let me add my own facetious comments to this heh heh heh >=)
Being a fiercely independent that I am, I'll be serious for a few minutes.
enjoy it, as it's a rarity)
I met my wife in a bar.
She was the manager and had a crush.
That crush was made obvious one nite as I was frequenting her bar that she managed.
She was dressed to the nines.
She walks over to me and says "We need to..."
All I could say was "pick a friday"
The rest is history.
I learned a secret about being a good husband and what makes a good wife. It was something my wife related to me as her own philosophy and strategy on this.
Be sweet
That's it. Nothing else. Of course I had to disagree with her by claiming that all any man wants is oral sex, which we humorously have coded in our household as "brushing your teeth." I already know what I want for my birthday, x-mas, new years, anniversary, etc etc etc etc etc.
Since we have 5 young ones and don't need dads sexual escapades to be adopted in their own speech patterns, we have to use this code. Kids are very impressionable and don't I know it. (they'll be the death of me) So with the frequency that I request my wife to "brush her teeth" I'm hoping my children pick up good oral hygiene habits.
Seriously though, I had to agree after pondering on this for a while. My wife had tricked me into being a masculine protector, provider, handyman, and babysitter. By being sweet all the time, and never being anything but, a man will do anything for her. Men will lay down their lives for the woman they love if all she is...
...is sweet.
Not a raging hormonal lunatic or a pesamistic nagging slob, but "sweet" by every defenition of the word.
And just to add salt and lime juice to the wound. My wife tells me she learned this from Dr. Laura.
AARRRGGGHHH!!!
I can't stand that whackado! So that just added insult to injury because my wife has used this psychological judo strategy on me which she learned from Dr. Laura.
Now I've decided to search for a head shrinker that can give me some useful tips for myself. Maybe there's some strategy out there to make my wife "brush her teeth" more often!
PLM, you are hilarious! Thank you for being serious for just a moment there and sharing your story. I just sent this to my husband. I know he will appreciate your view. I think it is great that your wife knows how to win you over with her sweetness. She is a wise woman. :)
Great hub, dead on on all points, although I think you may have understressed the first point prior to beginning the list. Heh. I also agree with John Chancellor on the "don't make us guess thing." Guys minds are not even remotely as complex as a woman's when it comes to emotions. We're complex in our ways, and some get emotions more than others, but generally, as birds of a feather flock together, emotionally complex men end up with even more emotionally complex women, so the result is the same. Just say it. In as few words as possible, cut to the chase. Don't be cruel, but be blunt. Guys want to fix problems, so, lay it out and we'll work on it.
Also, I think one of the best things a woman can do for her husaband is to like herself, in body and in mind. It drives me insane when my wife refuses to believe she's as hawt as I think she is. Pisses me off, honestly. I don't care what the fashion magazines say, if your man thinks your hawt, you're hawt. End of story.
Shadesbreath, I like your advice to lay the problem out so the man can fix it! I am not sure why women want their men to figure things out on their own. I think what they reslly want is for their husband to WANT to know what is bothering them and to really care about fixing it. I love your last point too about liking yourself. We too often hold ourselves to a crazy, unattainable standard and don't recognize the fact that our husband's are quite happy with us the way we rae. Thanks for the additional insights! :)
i cant believe nothing was written about sex?!
Re-read the opening portion, A_dork. Amy Jane was very, very delicate about it, but she tossed it out there as a given.
Thanks Shadesbreath! Yes, I was trying to be lady like about that. :)
Super hub! You could not be more right. I'm going to have to remember these tips and apply them more regularly.
On a different note, very well written; very entertaining. First hub I read this morning and it definitely brought on a smile. Thanks.
Thanks so much, New Reflection!I'm sogladyou enjoyed it. Sometimes I have to remind myself of my own advice. :)
Wow. I agree. You really have a great hub. This is a very fine way to make a perfect wife to your husband.
Thanks Beth!
This is great!!
Thanks Starrkissed!
i enjoyed reading you hub and learned somethings for future thanks alot
Thanks blogit. :)
An excellent blog that you have here. I surely enjoyed the reading of it. My wife is always late, and we quite often argue. On the other hand we have been married right at 38 years and don't plan on getting a divorce. We are married for life; we just need to put some of the things you have in your blog to work for ourselves.
Johnny Yuma
Nice hub Amy Jane!
Hi Johnny, sounds like you have things well under control! Being fully commited to working out your problems (no matter how big or small) is definitely a recipe for success! I wish you much luck!
Thanks Journey!
Lovely ! Are you a good wife or I should not ask either ?
Nice comments, great list! Have you read Laura Doyle's books? She makes many of the same suggestions, helping women to become much less controlling. Another way you can show your husband you care, is to do just that, take care of yourself. Self care can end up at the bottom of the list when you are raising a family or working outside the home. When women take care of themselves by getting plenty of rest and excercise, eating properly and getting a pedicure or taking a nap, we are happier and easier to be around. Others will never treat us any better than we treat ourselves.
Hi YourWaySingles - I try to follow my own advice on this, but I'm not always successful! I do try...:)
Hi KatieLee, thank you for the additional advice! It certainly is important to take care of oursevles. It is easy to put everyone elses needs before your own. Sometimes you do have to take care of yourself first!
HI! Just came across this hub while I was out for a Hubwalk and gotta tell you, it's cute and funny. Don't know if it's supposed to be funny, but #3 and #7 gave me a chuckle - 'his latest stupid mistake' and 'Although it is widely believed men are dogs - don't treat him like one'. I just kinda got a chuckle from those, nothing mean, just that it was humorous. I really like the way you write, you're an easy read. Thanks for the Hubs.
Thanks Cathy! I'm so glad you enjoyed this. I was trying to be funny - but serious at the same time! :)
Great stuff - all very true.
Thanks Andy! :)
Every morning for 1/2 hour while having our coffee, my husband and I read one article each (on how to better our relationship and communication) and discuss it. I've printed out many articles from this site and a few others. This gives us time to make sure we are on the same page as far as what the other person needs in our marriage. I want my husband to feel loved, appreciated, honored, that he's a good father, etc. I would like the same. So, I came up with this plan; every morning when we get up and the kids are still asleep, we have some quiet time together to discuss what we need as a couple. It has helped our relationship so much, we've been together and married for 15 years. We went through a few very hard years but after reading these articles and now knowing what I need out of our marriage and what he needs, it has helped up tremendously. Things are great!!!!
Hi Surferwife, I think your suggestions are terrific! What a great way to start your day! (I think you may need to write a hub about it:)) Spending that extra time together everyday would have a wonderful impact on a marriage - as long as you make sure that it is time to enjoy yourself and not discuss things that cause too much tension (like money maybe?)
I'm so glad you have found what works for you. Our marriages need attention! It is when we stop making our spouse atop priority that we get into trouble. Thanks for reading and sharing.
Good stuff! I especially like 5,6,and 7.
Thanks Madison! I like 6 & 7 too. :)
I appreciated reading this. Sometimes I need to be reminded on how to be a good girlfriend.
GREAT HUB AND BTW THIS VIDEO HAS A LOT OF TRUTH ESP; THE ENDING;;BY THE TIME HE ARRIVES AM ZONKED...
Hi Love hurts, I'm glad you enjoyed this! We all need a reminder sometimes. :)
Csd1590, I know what you mean! When you are at home with a little one, you are exhausted by the time your spouse gets home. It becomes a struggle sometimes to enjoy that time with your spouse - when all you want to do is sleep!
Number 2 is spot on! Nice work
Thanks John!
"Listen to what he has to say." I need to work on this because sometimes I am not a good listener. And that is where misunderstandings arise. You have made a good list. Thanks for a sharing a nice hub.
loved this hub! shows great insight and makes one just smile throughout...you really have a way with words....! thanks for sharing...
Hi Chin chin - I think we all have to work on listening - I know I do! So glad you enjoyed this!
Thank you for your kind words, myownworld! I love to hear that I made someone smile. :)
Erinn Soule says:
2 years ago
LOVE IT!