Ten Reasons Not to Spank Children
67Raising Respectful Children Without Hitting Them
On April 30th, my wife and I attended a family nonviolence class in honor of SpankOut Day USA. We have never hit our son, and our decision regarding spanking was validated by these facts we learned in the training.
Reasons to Never Strike a Child
- The risk of child abuse increases with physical punishment. Hitting too hard can cause severe injuries such as broken bones, bruises, welts, and nerve damage.
- Physical punishment encourages an erosion of trust between child and parent.
- Regular physical punishment is shown to worsen, not improve behavior. It often leads to an increase in antisocial behavior such as cheating, lying, assaulting, stealing, bullying siblings or peers, and a lack of remorse for any wrongdoing.
- Hitting children teaches a pro-violence attitude. It transmits to children that striking people who are weaker and smaller is permissible.
- Fear is not an effective method of teaching acceptable behavior. Fear can lead kids to obey only when the person who strikes them is close by.
- Childhood memories of resentment and anger linger in adults who were frequently hit as kids.
- Often, people hit children for behavior that does not need correcting, but is instead related to basic needs for food, sleep, attention, and exploring.
- When hitting a child, the caretaker loses an important opportunity to correct the misbehavior and teach a more appropriate behavior.
- Although striking a child may end a misbehavior for the moment, other methods such as reasoning, time out, time in, talking, and implementing non-violent consequences work even better and do not have the potential for harm that exists with hitting.
- Better alternatives work! Children learn best through discussing, teaching, and observing adults who model caring, responsible, and self-disciplined behavior.
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Thanks Penina. My wife was a victim of child abuse until CPS rescued her at the age of 7. Her parents claimed they were just disciplining her according to the Bible. She was frequently bruised and had broken bones. She spent a few years in the foster care system before she was adopted by parents who truly loved her and did NOT hit her. Her story made it easy for us to decide not to spank!
A good hub to write. There are so many far better ways to discipline a child. Good for you - I am sure you and your wife will do a great job of bringing up your child.
Cathrine R: Thank you for your support. My wife and I volunteer in a crisis nursery and I see so many abused children. You are correct that there are so many better ways to discipline.
i think that spanking can be done well and beneficially. you haven't argued against the necessity of discipline, and, frankly, spanking is a lot less painful than other forms of emotional discipline. a stinging behind lasts for about three seconds, effectively communicates the point, and, if followed with apology and forgiveness, trains the child successfully to avoid certain behaviors in favor of others. the problem is in the utilization of the discipline. if spanking is done out of anger, abuse can certainly follow. as a rational adult looking back on my childhood, i can honestly say that spanking built trust between me and my parents and was always followed with an ascertain of love and care. its a very biblical principle: "He who spares the rod, hates his son but he who loves him is careful to discipline him" Proverbs 13:24.
granted this is not a very popular opinion...
elliot dunn: Thank you for the comment. I do strongly believe in discipline and I am a reader of the Bible. Also, I have had this discussion with others in my church, and it is always a hotly debated topic amongst conservatives.
Many contextual interpreters of the bible, as opposed to those who take everything literally, believe that "rod" is used metaphorically, as in the case of a shepherd's rod. A shepherd would never beat his sheep because they are too precious and delicate. Also, could a "rod of violence" be used to bring comfort? Remember that "Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me." A shepherd uses his rod to gently guide his flock - not to strike them.
"Rod" may also be understood as a unit of measure (the Torah). We could, therefore, interpret the proverb: "Spare your child the 'rod' (the Torah), and he or she won't measure up.'"
Ultimately, the Old Testament shadows must be understood through the light of the New Testament, and the severe sanctions of the Old Testament were overwritten with the gentler laws of Christ. The New Testament has a very different way of dealing with sinners than did the Old Testament. Take, for example, the parable of the Prodigal Son. The father throws a party for his son instead of beating or chastising him. He doesn't do this to celebrate the son's immoral behavior, but to celebrate the love he has for his son.
wow this is great. i'm glad you've thought so deeply about these things. i'd have to add Hebrews 12: 6-11 into the mix though...i won't put it up here cause it'll take up lots of space but the passage talks about how God disciplines his sons. the author comments that we've all had parents that disciplined us and we respect them because of it. he also says that "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful" (Heb 12:11).
spanking a child does not take away from moments of affection, actually it enhances them. the Bible always puts discipline and love hand in hand; it operates under the assumption that all people are sinful and need correction, children from parents, and parents from God.
discipline has nothing to do with striking a child, that's control. discipline gives boundaries.
I applaud you for writing a very helpful article and it's great that you're spreading the word and able to give a strong voice to what you believe. :)
Please read my article(How to Discipline Boys)by Our Advice 2 You.
hmmm..your hub is very informative, and you bring up some valid points. However, i'll have to sorely disagree with you. Although, I'm not a huge fan of child abuse at all, but I don't consider spanking a part of that. Don't get me wrong there is a line between disciplining your child to punishing them and child abuse. However, if we're solely talking about spanking your kid after he did something wrong, then I have to disagree.
When I was younger, my dad used to spank me whenever I got out of line, and sometimes even slapped me across the face a few times. Sure, I got a few black eyes and bruises growing up. However, if he didn't do that, then I'd probably would've grown up to become a criminal like joining a gang or something. I mean look how spoiled rotten a bunch of kids are today.
I know a few parents that are like you and don't believe in spanking, and they're kids are monsters. They never do what their told, and one time even ran around the store, forcing ol mom and pop to chase them. If I had done that when I was their age, I wouldn't be able to walk straight for a week. Those kids still do it to this day. Look, like I said there is a fine line between child abuse and punishing kids, but you shouldn't mix the two because they're totally different things.
don't get me wrong, im sorry to hear about what happened to your wife, as it sounds like she really was a victim of child abuse. therefore, i can see your point of view. however, my opinion is that child abuse is when you discipline a child so hard it puts their lives in danger, thats when you cross the line of punishing them. you seem like a decent guy, so i hope you don't take what i just said personal. i was just trying to make a point to you my good chum.
I agree and disagree, and it comes down for me to a level of difference. I was spanked as a child, I got a swat on the butt when I misbehaved, I was by no means abused, I am not afraid of my parents and I'm not on Oprah crying cause I got spankings. I have two children and both of them have been spanked at times. It is not my first option of discipline, but it is usually the last one I need to use. I believe that spanking and child abuse are worlds apart and it has everything to do with the parent, control, anger, and the method. When I spank my children I explain why and that if they continue the behavior they will get another spanking- this is after usually a stern warning, time out, and more talking that they aren't listening to.
I agree with your 10 reasons not to spank, and I can think of more reasons as well. Thank you for writing this.
Penina says:
2 months ago
creativeone9 What exactly does the Bible say on Beating children oh excuse me on spanking??!!! I for one think that there are more productive ways of disciplining a child other than beatings and spankings! The child is a human being therefor speaking to them or using a reward chart to reward good behavior and to rebuke bad ones works!