10 Signs It's A Bad Gig

All musicians have a "worst gig" story. Some are worse than others. Most of the standard fare includes broken strings, getting lost, van broke down, forgot the words to the song, amp blew up, broken snare drum head, etc. While these things can all be devastating, there's a fair chance you can recover from them relatively unscathed, especially if you planned ahead. But there are things that happen beyond your control and in some cases can turn the crowd against you before you set foot on a stage. Listed below in no particular order are 10 maladies that leave you with your head shaking as you head to the bar to drink the gig away.

1. Your guitar player quits 5 minutes before sound check.

2. The doors open at 7:00, the show starts at 8:00 and your lead singer has been drinking since lunch.

3. The club loses power during your set - TWICE.

4. You're the first band to play in a country bar after they decide to "expand their format".

5. The band immediately proceeding you has a drummer with TWO cowbells. That's more cowbell than Christopher Walken can handle.

6. The band immediately proceeding you has a member that insists on wearing a diaper and running through the crowd carrying an artillery shell.

7. The band immediately proceeding you has a pyro technician and a potato gun.

8. You have to bail your drummer out of jail before the show. Apparently "drummer" is Latin for "cop magnet".

9. Your singer jumps off the stage to punch the guy hitting on his girlfriend.

10. Your singer jumps on the stage during another bands set and snatches the mic from the other singer's hand and proceeds to spit on him.

If one of these incidents happen during a gig, rest assured it will be a bad show. If two of these occur you should just pack your shit and go home. If three or more happen, well I'm pretty sure that's one of the signs of the Apocalypse.