10 Things You Need to Know Before You Move to Northern California from the South or Midwest (or Mid South):

When I moved to the Bay Area from Missouri in ’98, it took me about two years to adjust to the lifestyle change.

Here are some other things to keep in mind before you choose to relocate to the best City in the World.

10) It’s expensive. Really. Expensive. I knew an actual heiress who decided that after a 13 year stint, she could not afford her Berkeley flat (rent controlled, mind you) and moved to Oregon. Did I mention heiress?

9) The parking situation is rough. The City of SF changes their parking laws often, and without a lot of notice. Things can get cut-throat. Consider paying for a parking space or figure in roughly $100 a month extra in parking tickets and an increase in your car insurance if it’s offered in your new neighborhood.

8) There are many, many good, kind and gracious people in San Francisco. Some of them happen to be homeless. We have one of the highest rates of homelessness in the Nation. Many of them are completely harmless, however, some can be aggressive, particularly when panhandling or just awake and moving around.

7) Public transportation is not a reliable means of transportation. Be patient when using AC Transit or BART. In addition to being crowded, and at times a bit slow, the system routes can be confusing for newcomers.

6) Did you know that people from over 8000 other countries are represented in the City and Oakland? I can’t really back that figure up, but sometimes that seems like an accurate estimate. As such, expect body language and what is considered to be “personal space” to vary from person to person. Sometimes it’s a foot from your face, other times, its mere inches.

5) You will at some point witness something disturbing. It’s all just part of the deal. Do not stare. Do not get involved. Do not judge. Just keep walking.

4) You will likely run into extremists of all ilks. My advice is to follow point 5.

3) Not everyone who live in the City is gay, although there are many who identify as such. Get over any homophobia and join the rugby team (not the gay one-on second thought, maybe you should join the gay one-go for the gusto, I say). It’s a non-issue for most of us who have spent any time here and you’ll look stand out like a sore thumb if you bitch about it.

2) Absorb everything you possibly can in the time you are there. There is no other place in the entire World as uniquely beautiful as our City. Get out of your apartment and live a little.

1) Get ready to work your ass off. 1200 other people who are new to San Francisco just arrived. Yesterday.