I can't say I've been very involved in Halloween parties; in the last one (1991) my old roomie gave me a cup of what he told me was beer -- straight tequila -- and after Raggedy Ann helped me clean myself up, I staggered down the stairs into fast-metabolizing fresh air, and in minutes was being lifted into an ambulance on a gurney.

So, over the years, I've become an expert at avoiding Halloween parties. Here for your edification and amusement are ten ways I have avoided them.

1. Tell the truth. "Always tell the truth. It's the easiest thing to remember," counsels Al Pacino in Glengarry Glen Ross. Just say you can't make it and leave it at that.

2. The old Halloween switcharoo. Say in advance that you'll be arriving in a certain costume, one that completely obscures your identity. Make sure that's a costume one of your friends will be wearing. Or say you'll be arriving as the Invisible Man or Woman. :D

3. Spend some quality "me time" the night before. When you're so tired the next day, take a nap in the hours just before the party starts. Sure, you'll have to deal with the fallout after the party, but it's the honest truth... you weren't up to it!

4. Say you don't celebrate Halloween. WIthout going into detail, speak grimly about celebrating a holiday like Halloween. If hard-pressed, gently but firmly tell them that you have no interest in attending an event which celebrates evil, darkness and Satan. Tell them that they're very welcome to join you and your friends for an all-night prayer vigil instead

5. Say you had car problems. Your problem, of course, will be that you weren't in it.

6. Say you're sick and don't want to spread it around. Of course, you mean that you're sick of Halloween parties, but that's not critical information. And that can be contagious, so you're not lying! Much.

7. Cancel for some time with your significant other. No self-respecting host who's in a relationship will hold it against you if you find yourself being led away on a hay ride, ghostly tour, leaf pile dive or some time at home. Just to be safe drop a hint of what might happen to your earthly bliss if you have to spend a holiday apart.

8. Fade into the background the last days before the party. When people see you again in November, feign surprise: "Oh, you really had that party?" It won't win you any new friends, but it also won't win you any more invites.

9. Schedule your work around. If you have a legitimate assignment that needs doing, say you have to do it on the night of the party.

10. Get uninvited. It's an ugly thing to do, but if you seriously don't want to go to a party, and 1-9 don't work, start acting (only acting, and temporarily, of course) obnoxious around the workplace or wherever else you see the host. Let your hygiene slip a little bit, start making bizarre jokes, mess up your body language. People are more susceptible to nonverbal hints than they'll let on and before you know it you won't be missed.

So, aside from covering yourself in fake blood or hiding in a scarecrow on your porch, there are ways to escape a Halloween commitment simply through a little creative rearranging and skulduggery. If you try any of these out let me know how it works in a comment!