create your own

10 Ways a Man Can Tank a First Date

63
rate or flag this page

By Eva Hansson

This could be a sweeping statement, but I'm putting it out there anyway: the majority of first dates suck for many people.  No matter how many you go on, you're still nervous, your sweat glands go into overdrive, you're not funny to save your life and you generally end up spilling something. True story, I once spilled a glass of wine on my date, who proceeded to stand up in the middle of the restaurant and boldly exclaim: “Oh, no! Not my new suit!” He barely rejected my dry cleaning offer, mind you.



The truth is a great many of us either over think or under think these first encounters. Or, we focus on the wrong things... Over planning might include the decision to do something different, creative, and off beat, for example. While there's something to be said for being unique, there's not a lot to gain from surprising your acrophobic date with a bungee jumping expedition. Have the plan ready beforehand. Stay safe (literally), it's just a first date! Make suggestions and be open to alternatives. You're entering into unknown terrain with this person whose likes and dislikes are unknown There's nothing worse than the theme of the date being: “So, what do you want to do?” “Dur, I don't know, what do YOU want to do?”


For your convenience, I've compiled a handy little list of the top DON'TS on a first date. These are the ultimate blunders, a guaranteed strike for date number two. You may think I'm kidding (I wish I were), but the following are not depicted for dramatic purposes, they've happened to me or my friends.


  1. Please, I beg of you refrain from TMI (too much information) on first dates! Discussing your battle with Swine Flu, an abscess or your pus-filled rash is not attractive. Basically, any bodily function discussions are out. And don't be a boundary-less Chatty Chuck, please. Don't be talking about Uncle Stan who was an alcoholic, but cleaned up his act by becoming a Hare Krishna. Or, how you really used to be shy until you started taking Cymbalta, a proven social anxiety medication. Don't overshare, we all have baggage, problems and physical oddities, but leave them out until you relationship matures.

  2. Be nice to the waitstaff if you end up at a restaurant, please. This is not the time to be on a power trip or show off your machissmo, gentleman. On a side note, tip. For the love of God, tip the poor soul who's had to be the unfortunate participant in this first date.

  3. If you have obvious issues with your car, get them fixed beforehand or borrow a car from a friend. Old fast food wrappers don't really work to pimp the ride, boys. Nor does blasting music really make for great conversation. Gum chewing is okay, especially post meal. Where gum chewing becomes an obvious problem is its frequent use in fixing one's car throughout the date night. Finally, make sure there's an actual door handle on your passenger side unless you're shooting for the serial killer image.

  4. Don't talk badly about your ex's, really it doesn't look good. It makes you appear like there's unfinished business, you're wounded, or you're just simply bitter. Even if she really was a Biotch who cheated on you, talking badly about anyone doesn't bode well, it makes your date wonder what you'll be saying about HER.

  5. For all that's holy and sacred, leave your epidermis alone. Scabs get itchy when they heal, so plan ahead and put some topical antihistamine on and cover it with a band aid. Picking your scab just before finger appetizers marks the beginning of my escape route plan.

  6. Don't be a frat boy. Having a couple of drinks is acceptable, but anything approaching tipsy is a blunder. First, if you are the driver, you're putting your date in an awkward position. Second, losing your inhibitions can turn you into an over-sharer, scab picker, disrespectful diner, AND can render you unable to fix your car with the gum. Just say “NO!” to the fraternity boy image.

  7. Make and maintain eye contact with your date. Too much looking away can make your date suspicious that you're hiding something. Plus, eye contact demonstrates you have confidence, feel comfortable with yourself, and are interested in what she's saying. Avoid staring or you might seem a little creepy, you know the difference. By the way, eye contact means the eyes, not her breasts. Her twins can't see, let them be. Finally, if you're in a restaurant with a television, even if the Jets are playing, don't watch the tube.

  8. If you have what could even be remotely considered a strange hobby, mums the word. 'K? Basically collecting anything falls under this category. Even if you don't collect handcuffs, most likely she won't be as excited about your retro junk as you. This should also apply to your ability to speak fluent Klingon. That's your little secret.

  9. Don't flash the wad. I'm not talking about your Peter here (although I hope you know that's a serious no no). I talking about enough cash and credit cards to choke a horse. Leave it where Peter belongs, in the trousers.

  10. Don't swoop in for the snog unless your absolutely certain sparks are flying. The awkward goodnight kiss is not a date prerequisite. When in doubt, leave it out, unless sparks are obviously flying. And leave out the tongue wrestle. Some of my best first dates have simply given me a sweet kiss on the cheek that left me wanting the full snog for the next time. That's sexy!



Print   —   Rate it:  up  down  flag this hub

Comments

RSS for comments on this Hub

ShyneIV profile image

ShyneIV  says:
3 months ago

Great piece of writing Eva. Very informative ;o)

Eva Hansson profile image

Eva Hansson  says:
3 months ago

Thank you very much, ShyneIV! I appreciate your comment.

Scott.Life  says:
3 months ago

More good advice, I like lunch dates during the week, because first its not a date, but lunch and there's already an implied time constraint so if things tank then you don't have to worry about and out plan, you already have one.If things go well then you will part on good terms wanting more. It's sad to say that this has almost become a science, but it wouldn't have to be if people would learn to communicate and use common sense. Can't wait to read more. Seems like you have a whole library of interesting stories.

dohn121 profile image

dohn121  says:
3 months ago

I really enjoyed reading this funny yet honest hub, Eva. I hope some guys are reading, bookmarking, and jotting down notes once they reach this one (like me! LOL). There are a lot of clueless guys out there and the ones that do know what they're doing don't date anymore :D Thank you.

marcofratelli profile image

marcofratelli  says:
3 months ago

Wow that's excellent. I think I'll be a great first dater now :)

Eva Hansson profile image

Eva Hansson  says:
3 months ago

Glad I could help, marcofratelli. Just leave your epidermis alone and you're good to go. Thanks for reading!

marcofratelli profile image

marcofratelli  says:
3 months ago

I'll try. No promises though, cause depending where it's located, the epidermis can have a mind of its own and can get in the way or get caught, ya know?

Eva Hansson profile image

Eva Hansson  says:
3 months ago

Yeah, I do know. You have that unfortunate zipper location just begging for a snag. Not good. I get that. There's lots of sneaky epidermal adjustments you can make, however. Things can miraculously "adjust" when she's in the powder room. Or, if it's more pressing, there are distraction techniques to be utilized. A quick: "Do you see our waiter?" can do wonders for such distress. A quick dive or scratch can then make you comfortable, and she'll be none the wiser.

MrsMoe profile image

MrsMoe  says:
3 months ago

I had a first date from a dating service where the guy was looking for a Mom for his two kids. During dinner he told me he wanted to take me home to meet the kids because he was all set!

Submit a Comment

Members and Guests

Sign in or sign up and post using a hubpages account.


optional


  • No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked
  • Comments are not for promoting your hubs or other sites

working