Some important tips on how NOT to get a girl:

1. Farts should only be bragged about to other ape-minded fellas--- girls aren't so interested about "How big that whopper was".

2. Try not to allow your eyes to drift down when talking to her---it doesn't matter how nice THEY might look.

3. Telling your mates to keep a secret about this girl is like asking a rock to code HTML : They are both thick enough to not listen.

4. A couple of pickup lines NOT to use:

-You must've fallen from heaven----that would explain your face

- Is your Dad a baker? Coz you have nice buns

- Is your Dad a potter? Coz your jugs are perfect

5. Doing the macarena at a school ball is not an acceptable replacement for the Waltz.

6. A "peck on the cheek" is not another word for "a long french kiss"

7. "Need to visit my dead Grandmother" is not an excuse to get out of meeting the parents.

8. Performing a "Freefall off the school Gymnasium roof" ain't gonna show how brave you are---just how stupid.

9. Writing "Yes Please" on the "Sex" question on an exam out of male and female will show desperation----which can only turn out bad, especially with the teachers

10. Try to make the girl sound very smart---even if it means saying when she asks your name "I dunno!'