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Suggestions to stop teenage pregnancy

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By funnebone


Save the children from having children!

Apparently pregnant is the new black in puberty land. Not content with terrorizing their parents with bad grades and outpatient drug programs, the young minds of tomorrow have attached themselves to the notion that sex is for making babies and not just a leisurly act of pleasure. The teenage birthrate in the United States is on a rise and if left unchecked we can expect that nearly 1% of women ages 15 to 19 will have a baby. While some cultures accept this premature motherhood (India, Africa, Alabama), our society will be crushed by the rise in social programs that would accompany such a trend.

The issue of teen pregnancy draws passionate opinions from all sides. Some reason that abortions reduce unwanted teen pregnancies, some push absetinance and others favor forced labor camps for all under seventeen years old. Our current strategy is inadequate in that it only serves to deal with teenage pregnancies in a retroactive manner rather than preventing them in the first place.

Below are some helpful tips on how to keep your kid in school and out of the stirrups.



Bring Back Cooties

Get them while they are young

I don't know what cooties but if I thought that they resembled genital warts I would sure think twice before touching a girl. Children should not be taught to avoid the opposite sex rather to fear being infected with " cooties". Explain to your daughter that young boys are born with creatures in their pants that spawned from the pigs tails and puppydog tails. This way when they ask you what a "woody" is, you can po9int to the cooties and explain they live in the wood, like termites. Explain to them that if a boys cooties gets on them, their boobs will never grow and they will develop a third ear.

Show them a film of childbirth.

Childbirth is a wonderful process as long as you are in the waiting room checking out nurses. I have only watched a woman giving birth once in a movie and I don't think I ate or had sex for twelve years after. In fact everytime I would see a yellow VW bug come out of a car wash I would vomit. Tell your daughtet to bring you her favorite doll then take the doll and shove its head into an empty soup can, over and over. She should get the point.

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FunnynotSlutty profile image

FunnynotSlutty  says:
14 months ago

I think requiring you to be of age to buy acne medication might help.

funnebone profile image

funnebone  says:
14 months ago

So you are suggesting that by prolonging clear skin that pizza face pam will not get knocked up ?

Zsuzsy Bee profile image

Zsuzsy Bee  says:
14 months ago

funnebone! Leave it to You to come up with ideas... Cooties????? I think a major part of the problem is that parents have lost their power over the teens of today. With both parents off working and long comutes the teens are pretty well left to their own devices. Teens also being nosey little creatures it seems to have become a norm for them to experiment... and all the sex displayed everywhere it's bound to backfire.

Quite the can of worms in this great hub

regards Zsuzsy

Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker  says:
14 months ago

Good hub, Funnebone. Isn't anyone (parents and/or schools) teaching safe-sex anymore?

RainbowRecognizer profile image

RainbowRecognizer  says:
14 months ago

For some reason the video wouldn't play, but I've been at the birth of my own three children so I know what it's all about. You bring up an interesting subject. It's definitely heated and there are many ideas.

Being -real- about sexuality - all of it... when the opportunities present themselves, gives our children the greatest ability to make informed decisions. How? The more we try to get them to stop doing something, the more they'll do it. Giving factual bits of information along the way is better than children/teens learning from their peers (and they WILL learn from their peers). Safe sex measures are great for the teens who are choosing to partake of the 'fruit'.

Teens who desire a baby/pregnancy do it for many reasons - to love and be loved, to cement a relationship, to spite parents... among others, I'm sure. Does it work... well, it does something and it's up to the individual teen of how to handle it once she's actually pregnant.

Bottom line, the human body is designed to procreate. And you ask a good question - how can we really allow our children to know the body's full capacity while encouraging them to wait until conditions are optimal to get pregnant? IMO, It's all about self-esteem. :o) (There, I've added some serious to yor funny!)

RainbowRecognizer profile image

RainbowRecognizer  says:
14 months ago

For some reason the video wouldn't play, but I've been at the birth of my own three children so I know what it's all about. You bring up an interesting subject. It's definitely heated and there are many ideas.

Being -real- about sexuality - all of it... when the opportunities present themselves, gives our children the greatest ability to make informed decisions. How? The more we try to get them to stop doing something, the more they'll do it. Giving factual bits of information along the way is better than children/teens learning from their peers (and they WILL learn from their peers). Safe sex measures are great for the teens who are choosing to partake of the 'fruit'.

Teens who desire a baby/pregnancy do it for many reasons - to love and be loved, to cement a relationship, to spite parents... among others, I'm sure. Does it work... well, it does something and it's up to the individual teen of how to handle it once she's actually pregnant.

Bottom line, the human body is designed to procreate. And you ask a good question - how can we really allow our children to know the body's full capacity while encouraging them to wait until conditions are optimal to get pregnant? IMO, It's all about self-esteem. :o) (There, I've added some serious to yor funny!)

Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly  says:
14 months ago

Cooties are definitely a valuable tool to control teenage pregnancy because cooties are REAL. The Bush Administration and the Moral Majority want only the "Just Don't Do It And Don't Try To Do Anything Else To Relieve Yourself Either" anti cootie campaign. While me, being of open mind, promote the "Don't Get 'Em, Use The Cootie Condom," campaign. Because, well, kids will be kids and they will engage in activities that encourage cooties no matter how adults threaten them.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to stand on my soap box. I don't hear the politicians discussing cooties and I find this disturbing.

Thanks for this great, informative, educational, erudite, and socially relevant hub.

Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn  says:
14 months ago

This is certainly a hot potato Funnebone. We have just the same sort of issues here in the UK, and I'm interested in how these things can best be tackled, as I have a thirteen year old daughter myself. I'm not sure that warning her about cooties would quite cut the mustard if she were genuinely that way inclined (what are cooties anyway?) and I'm not sure that preaching abstinence will resolve the issue either. That's great for religious types, but in a largely secular society, what's really needed is a healthy dollop of self-respect, and a plentiful supply of condoms. Kids need to be kids, not parents!

Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere  says:
14 months ago

Well I remember seeing a cideo and tlaking about whay boys and girls ar different and how they ar in like 6th grade. I forgot most of it when I reached High xhool. We also had a Sex Education class in High School about all kids of things related to sex--the organs and bioligical functions. I don't think 6 months in one year alonce is good enough. Like i said I didnt' remember anything about what I leanred in 6th grade about it. I think they should have some of the parent' directly involved with those classes--some of them have no idea what is goign on either and it would be a good refresher course to say the least. I think it should start in 5th grade and be required each year until they graduate.

Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly  says:
14 months ago

Lady Guinevere: I just had to go read your bio to see what you are all about. Very clever comment! Thought you were...like...fer real...and like...totally...

Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere  says:
14 months ago

Me a Valley Girl! Now that is funny!! lol

ajcor profile image

ajcor  says:
14 months ago

I think that all teenagers should be given a copy of or sent to see Monty Python's Meaning of Life each year until they graduate (higher learning and all that) much better for the nosy little creatures - I have an hysterical memory of taking my 6 year old son to see it - might make a funny hub one day.

amy jane profile image

amy jane  says:
14 months ago

Different cultures like Alabama! LOL! :)

ajcor profile image

ajcor  says:
14 months ago

 

funnebone, enjoyed your hub - very funny!

amy jane, curious - what do you mean exactly by your comment - Different cultures like Alabama!?

 

ajcor profile image

ajcor  says:
14 months ago

sorry amy jane - get it - did a re-read (lol) - bit slow today.There it is right next to India and Africa!

Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1  says:
14 months ago

I knew about cooties when I was a teenager.  It worked for me so I'm off to remind my teenage daughter about them!!!  LOL. 

Ananta65 profile image

Ananta65  says:
14 months ago

Whatever happened to the goold old never to fail chastity belts?

spryte profile image

spryte  says:
13 months ago

Ananta - Boys got upset when asked to wear them...

I'm catching up on your hubs Funnebone :) Loved this one...esp the VW coming out of a carwash line. LOL!

K-Dub  says:
5 months ago

its hard to beleive that something so horrible (a baby) can come out of something so beautiful (you know exactly what i mean here). if only we could cross our fingers during sex and that would keep away the worst STDs known to man (children,AIDS, herpes, warts etc.)

kiki  says:
5 weeks ago

Why teach kids safe sex?.......TEACH THEM TO NOT HAVE SEX AT ALL! When you're introducing them to the joys of sex their going to want to experience ALL the joys. The problem is parents are too flagrant with the seriousness of sexual behavior. Sex has been so normalized in todays society! Instead of teaching safe sex; Let's teach about sex within the bonds of marriage!

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