101 Silly Halloween one liners for kids!
89I collected these up for my granddaughters but I thought I share them here with you all too.
1)Q: What are the days of the vampire week?
A:Moonday, Toothday, Veinsday, Thirstday and Frightday.
2)Q: What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A: A guy with very high blood pressure
3)Q: What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel
4)Q: Why are vampires stupid?
A: Because they are all suckers.
5)Q: Why are vampire jokes bad?
A: Because they are a pain in the neck
6)Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
A: Frostbite
7)Q: What type of pet dog do vampire's like the best?
A: Bloodhounds
8)Q: What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A: A stake sandwich
9)Q: Where does a vampire have lunch?
A: At the casketaria
10)Q: What surgery does a vampire doctor perform?
A: Fly by night operations
11)Q: Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?
A:He couldn't find any doolb.
12)Q: Did you hear about the unsuccessful vampire hunter?
A: He tried to kill a vampire by driving a pork chop through
its heart because steaks were too expensive.
13)Q: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
A: They have bat breath
14)Q: What is a vampire's favorite sport?
A:Casketball...
15)Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a werewolf?
A:A fur coat that fangs around your neck...
16)Q: What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
A: Fangsgiving...
17)Q: What is Transylvania?
A:Vampire's terror-tory.
18)Q:Where does a vampire water ski?
A: On Lake Erie.
19)Q: Why was the Baby vampire scared to go to the bathroom?
A: Because he was scared of the light.
20)Q: Where do vampires store their money?
A: In a blood bank.
21)Q: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay.
22)Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A: At a blood bank.
23)Q: Who did the vampire take to the prom?
A: His ghoul friend.
24)Q: Why couldn't the vampires wife get to sleep?
A: Because of his coffin.
25)Q: What tree does the vampire love the best?
A:A ceme-tree.
26)Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop!
27)Q: What do you say to a skeleton going on vacation?
A: Bone voyage!
28)Q: What skeleton was a famous detective?
A: Sherlock Bones.
29)Q: What do you call a skeleton who won't work?
A: Lazy bones
30)Q: What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A: A trombone
31)Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the guts!
32)Q: What do you say to a skeleton before he eats?
A:Bone appetit!
33)Q: Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
A: Because they don't have any body to go out with...
34)Q: Why can't a skeleton have fingers more than 11 inches long?
A: Because 12 inches is a foot.
35)Q: Who wan the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No Body
36)Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A: Napoleon Bone-apart
37)Q: What do you give a skeleton for Valentines day?
A: Bone-Bones in a heart shaped box
38)Q: What did the skeleton say while riding his
Harley Davidson motorcycle?
A: I was bone to be wild
39)Q: What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
A: You suck
40)Q: What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?
A: Spare-ribs
41)Q: How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
A: With scare spray
42)Q: Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
A: Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...
43)Q: Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
A: Because vacuum cleaners don't have long enough cords
44)Q: Why don't witches ride their brooms when they're angry?
A: They're afraid of flying off the handle!
45)Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A: A sand-witch
46)Q: What do people say to the parents of twin witches?
A: Which witch is which?
47)Q: How do you make a witch scratch?
A: Take away the W
48)Q: What was the witches favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling.
49)Q: What do you call the witches garage?
A: The broom closet
50)Q: Which story do the little witches like to hear at bed time?
A: Ghoul Deluxe and the 3 scares
51)Q: What did the ghost buy for his Haunted House?
A: Home Moaners Insurance
52)Q: What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
A: Fasten yoursheet belts
53)Q: What are ghosts favorite music?
A: Haunting melodies
54)Q: What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A: Spok-etti
55)Q: What do short-sighted ghosts wear?
A: Spook-tacles
56)Q: What do you call a drunken ghost?
A: A methylated spirit
57)Q: Who does a female ghost see on a Friday night?
A: Her Boo-friend
58)Q: What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?
A: Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot
59)Q: What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A: "Do you believe in people"
60)Q: What did one ghost ask another?
A: Do humans exist?
61)Q: What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A: A BOO-logna sandwich
62)Q: Why was the little ghost stupid?
A: Because he climbed over walls
63)Q: What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A: Ice Scream
64)Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A: Bam-boo
65)Q: What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
A: Boo boos
66)Q: Who is a famous ghost detective?
A: Shelock Moanes
67)Q: Why did the ghost go to the bar?
A: For the boo-ze
68)Q:What do you call a ghost that get's too close to a bonfire?
A: A toasty Ghosty
69)Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A: He is mist
70)Q: Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A: Anywhere he can Boo-gie
71)Q: Where do ghosts live?
A: In a far distant terror-tory
72)Q: When the male ghost met the female ghost...?
A: It was love at first fright
73)Q: What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?
A: They boo-kle their seatbelts.
74)Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: To the Dayscare center
75)Q: What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A: A scareplane
76)Q: What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Don't spook until your spooken to
77)Q: What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
A: Booberries...
78)Q: Why do ghosts like tall buildings?
A: `Cos they have a lot of scarecases
79)Q: Why did the ghost go the the doctor?
A: To get his Boo-ster shot
80)Q: When does a ghost need a licence?
A: During Haunting season
81)Q: What is a Mummies' favorite type of music?
A: Wrap!!!!!
82)Q: Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
A: They're so wrapped up in themselves
83)Q: Why do mummies make excellent spies?
A: They're good at keeping things under wraps
84)Q: Why did the mummy call the doctor?
A: Because he was coffin
85)Q: Where do mummies go for a swim?
A: To the dead sea
86)Q: What do you call a friendly dead Egyptian?
A: A chummy mummy
87)Q: Who goes to the monster's PTA?
A: Mummies and Deadies
88)Q: What do you do when 20 monsters surround your house?
A: Hope it's Halloween!
89)Q: What kind of streets do monsters like the best?
A: Dead ends and Skull-the-sacs
90)Q: Do monsters eat popcorn with their fingers?
A: No, they eat the fingers separately...
91)Q: Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
A: Because he was in need of a light snack
92)Q: Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?
A: Have you ever tried to iron a monster?
93)Q: How do monsters know their future?
A: They read their HORRORSCOPES
94)Q: What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A: A wash and wear wolf
95)Q: What's a monsters favorite play?
A: Romeo and Ghouliet
96)Q: What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
A: Benjamin Frankenstein
97)Q: What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
A: He was repossessed
98)Q: What do Italians eat on halloween?
A: Fetuccini A-fraid-o
99)Q: What's a haunted chicken?
A: A poultry-geist
100)Q: What game do little cannibals like to play at parties?
A: Swallow the leader
101)Q: What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's
corn flakes?
A: A cereal killer...
Additions!
Thank you B.T. for the addition to #89
Thank you 'GwendyMom' for the next one
102) Q: Why are demons and ghouls always together?
A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend.
pictures courtesy of www.sxc.hu
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Comments
Regarding #89, I prefer a skull-de sac! Funny hub!
How did you come up with all of those? Fantastic!! You're a chummy mummy!
Patty! I'm planning on printing these out for my sidekicks (granddaughters) for next weekend our Thanksgiving (Canada). Our sleep over is going to be a lot of giggling I'm sure.
Always glad when you have a mo' to visit. Take care Zsuzsy
B.T. Skull-de-sac is just perfect. I'll add it into #89. thanks
greetings from across the border
regards Zsuzsy
NYLady! Thanks for coming by. I collect one liners... have for many many years. Most of these are as old as the hills. Whenever I hear a good one I just add it to my list. Some of these actually amused my kids when they were young. The Chummy Mummy is one on my fave's too. My nephew came home with that one last halloween.
regards Zsuzsy
LOL, those are wonderfully silly! I am going to pass this hub on to some kids I know.
Donna! That's what I was hoping for. If everyone just gets a couple of chuckles out of these then it was worth hubbing them.
Glad you came by regards Zsuzsy
very funny. I had a good laugh, thanks.
Thanks Pricessa! glad you had a chuckle.
regards Zsuzsy
Zsuzsy bee: These are so cute! Your granddaughters will be as funny as "Red Skeleton" come Halloween!
That's funny too! :)
Why, thanks, Patty! I made it up special just for Zsuzsy.
Not only are these one-liners great, but the process by which you put them together is, too, Szuzsy. I wonder how many writers have *collections* they make because they love a subject, and then use those collections in a writing project.
Thumbs us, as usual, and as always!
@Christoph, if you don't mind, I'm waiting for you to have an opportunity to pun on Gene Autry...can't wait!
Christoph! My sidekicks and I have a PJ party all ready and set. Usually I write them a story or two but coming close to Halloween I thought these would be a lot more fun for them.
Thanks for the addition; Red 'Skeleton' was a lot of fun... need to find some of his old stuff...
Thanks for coming by and for commenting. regards ZsuzsyÂ
Sally! I always had in mind to put these one liners together into a book. I have 7.5 note books filled with them... Do you want to know why I haven't done anything with them yet? Time and the thought of having to type them all out yuk. This silly hub took me at least 10 hours because in my note books they're all mixed up. Then some are also duplicates... One of these days when I'm bored I might just go through them all and reorganize them
I agree with you on the Gene Autry too... regards Zsuzsy
I have an idea for you, ZB...if one of your kids would like to give you a special gift for your birthday or Christmas, ask them to go through your notebooks and put the meat of your collections into digital format (unless there's personal stuff you don't want them to see).Â
Just a thought.Â
I'm looking for ideas about my own birthday coming up (because my daughter always asks me, what do you want for your birthday?), and how my daughter might give me the gift of digitizing my hand-written thoughts.
Sally that is a great idea but unfortunately right now they're all too busy, my youngest is in her second year of college and working part time, my middle daughter has two little girls an enormeous house and is taking a photography course on the side and my son has a job where he spends anywhere from 65-70 hours a week in the stores (it seems they're all chips off the old block, working more then is good for them) eventually it will get done...
talk to you soon zs
very cute and good to read....we were young and all into Halloween and the pretense of goblins. Never occurred to me to worry about real ones. LOL I loved dressing up and pretending to be a dancer, or famous star, or a spooky alien. No harm, lots of candy and fun...great "corny" jokes...as in candy corn!
Zsuzsy Hello! Wow this is a marvelous collection of one liners! Hahahha I can just imagine teaching the kids the following days of the week. Okay class, "Moonday, Toothday, Veinsday, Thirstday and Frightday..." LOL Love it!
We don't really know unless we ask. We might think we know what they are thinking, but are we right?
Always yours, S.
Marisue! I didn't grow up with Halloween so I'm sitting on the fence with this one a bit... however I just can't get enough of these silly one liners in every context possible... I love them
Thanks for coming over regards Zsuzsy
Michelle! How are you my dear? ..... Veinsday, thirstday.... isn't that one just a hoot? I've had these hanging around for years and I still get a chuckle out of them
So glad you came for a visit
regards Zsuzsy
Sally! You're right of course but I just think the things that the kids are involved with in their lives right now are more important and I really do not want to pile tedious thing into their lives right now.
I got a good start done with these Halloween ones maybe I make up a series of hubs for evey season. If I have reason then things usually get done.
talk to you soon zs
Have never heard of 80% of them. I guess I must have missed out in life.
Mr.Marmelade! How are you? Hope everything is okay with you and Val... So glad you stopped in. If you were able to get a couple of chuckles out of these then it was worth it.
Kindest regards and greetings from Canada
Zsuzsy
I could use some scare spray on bad hair days! Thanks for the fun hub.
SweetiePie! I wonder if the hair becomes scary after it's been sprayed or if it start out that way hehe
regards Zsuzsy
Hi Zsuzsy, I am fine. :) Going monstrously 'crazy' in school nowadays with the To Do List growing longer. LOL Hope all is well with you too!
Hilarious Hub, just in time for Halloween. Cheers.
Thanks for taking a look CGull. regards Zsuzsy
Zsuzsy, I just came across a cute one liner and had to share with you.
Why are demons and ghouls always together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend.Â
Hope you liked it.
Gwendy! Thanks that great I will be calling my grand daughter tonight after school I will be able to give her this new one. Awesomely awesome.
Take care regards Zsuzsy
Glad you like it Zsuzsy! I will probably have a few more for you, just bought a bag of candy that has these on the wrappers.
Gwendy I added a new capsule and put #102 into it. Thanks again. I just love these silly one liner.
zs
I love Halloween... To sad for me that in my country Halloween isn't celebrate as it should be, just some parties here and there... Anyway, it's a excellent hub. Now I have jokes to tell my friends !
Starscream14! Thanks for taking a look and for commenting. I just love your avatar. I have the whole series of that little tyke. He's just so adorable.
regards Zsuzsy
Very cute...
I like the Q&A, it makes me smile for a while.
Wonderful topic!!
Liz thank you for taking a look and for commenting.
regards Zsuzsy
Gary! I still get a chuckle out of these ones even though most are as old as the hills. Thanks for coming by
regards Zsuzsy
MyTube! Thanks for coming by and for commenting
regards Zsuzsy
I still enjoy reading this one, especially before Halloween.
SweetiePie! I absolutely love one liners and I think I got my & year old Granddaughter hooked on them too because she keeps calling with new gigglers almost daily.
regards Zsuzsy
Oh, this is soooo amusing. LoL What do goblins send home while on vacation?
Ghostcards.
Haunty, so glad you came for a visit. Thanks for commenting.
I just love these silly one-liners. I have collections of them for every occasion and holiday. My granddaughters and I have regular giggle fests with these.They're so clean and kind of harmless in a world that filled with smut and gore etc...
greetings to you from hot and stuffy Canada
Oh My Gosh there are as many responses as jokes!!! I love this too! I need to print it off for my nieces and nephews- or memorize a few. Maybe I'd better stick with printing it off, lol. Good one.
I never remember, so these always seem new to me and I can snicker for hour on some of them. My granddaughters seem to know them by heart.
hope you're well
kindest regards Zsuzsy
My favorite:
Q: Why shouldn't you play poker in the jungle?
A: There's too many cheetahs out there!
Shel thanks for taking a look and for commenting.
regards Zsuzsy
101 Silly Halloween one liners for kids! in the News
- Man Wanted In Halloween Rape, Acid AttackCBS 2 Los Angeles7 hours ago
Police are seeking a man they say tortured, raped and poured battery acid on his girlfriend during a Halloween attack in South Los Angeles.
- Los Angeles police seek man they say poured acid on girlfriend, raped her in Halloween attackMinneapolis-St. Paul Star Tribune7 hours ago
LOS ANGELES - Police in Los Angeles are seeking a man they say tortured, raped and poured battery acid on his girlfriend during a Halloween attack. Police say 30-year-old Miguel Herrera got into a heated argument with the woman after she showed up late at his South Los Angeles apartment.
- An a-maze-ing time at Boo-nton Twp.’s Halloween tailgateThe Record and Herald News11 hours ago
On Sunday, Oct. 25, ghouls and goblins came together in "Boo"nton Township for the annual Halloween Tailgate. The fun day included this Haunted Maze. Students from Mountain Lakes High School volunteered many hours to set it up, staff it and break it down.
- Cops release video of Halloween assault on cab driver in GreenridgeStaten Island Advance7 hours ago
STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. -- They may have been wearing Halloween costumes, but police say these men weren’t out trick-or-treating for candy in the early-morning hours of Nov. 1. Cops are searching for four while males wanted in connection with the...
- LAPD hunts man in Halloween rape, acid attackChannel 8 San Diego9 hours ago
Associated Press - November 11, 2009 2:54 PM ET LOS ANGELES (AP) - Police are seeking a man they say tortured, raped and poured battery acid on the face of his girlfriend during a Halloween...
- Downtown Los Angeles Goes Crazy for Halloween This YearLos Angeles Downtown News7 hours ago
DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES – People had a heck of a good time this Halloween, according to L.A. Downtown News Photographer Gary Leonard, who was all over town this weekend taking pictures. In his own words: “I was at five different places celebrating Halloween this weekend. I went to Day of the Dead on Olvera Steet. It started Saturday and ends today, Monday. They celebrated both Halloween and Day of ...
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Patty Inglish, MS says:
13 months ago
Hilarious - I never heard most of these before!