Australians are hard enough to understand with their slang, now mix in some of these sayings and you will probably be asking yourself, "Are these guys from another planet?". Well we may sound like we are from another planet but, "try to wrap your laughing gear" (your mouth) around some of these Aussie Sayings. They are sure to offend most. Please don't be concerned, as we don't go around saying these all day long. Some of these are dated and are never used anymore. However, don't be too surprised if down at the pub (bar) on a Friday afternoon, that some of these Aussies Sayings are repeated in order to describe a particular person or thing. Usually from bloke to bloke (male to male):

Please enjoy, sorry if I offend you, but you were warned:

1. As flat as a ducks instep

2. As black as a dogs guts

3. More pricks than a second hand dart board

4. As full as a doctors wallet

5. As bold as brass

6. As cold as a witches tit

7. As cold as a mother-in laws kiss

8. More moves than a steam driven stopwatch

9. As sharp as a sugarbag full of wet spaghetti

10. About as subtle as a smack in the chops

11. Vanished like a fart in a fan factory

12. Lower than a snakes belly in a wheel rut.

13. As funny as a hat full of arseholes

14. As slippery as an eel in a bucket full of snot

15. As happy as a pig in shit

16. As tight as a camels arse in a sandstorm

17. As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market

18. As useful as a one-armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse

19. As nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs

20. Cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey

21. Flat out like a lizard drinking

22. As full as a state school hat rack

23. Dropped him like a sack of spuds

24. He had a head on him like a half-chewed mango

25. Jumpy as a cat on a hot tin roof

26. As flat as a shit carter's hat

27. As tight as a fishes arse

28. As sharp as a tack

29. Higher than Joe Cocker

30. As loose as a goose

31. As silly as a wheel

32. As full as a bull's bum.

33. He's as sharp as a billiard ball

34. As silly as a cut snake

35. As mad as a meat axe

36. As dry as a dead dingo's donger

37. As busy as a one-armed paper hanger

38. Busier than a one armed bricklayer in Beirut

39. Hung like a mallee bull

40. As thick as two short planks

41. As thick as a brick

42. Slower than a wet week

43. Dumber than dog shit

44. As silly as a dog with two dicks

45. Busier than a one legged man in a bum kicking competition

46. As strong as an ox

47. Got a head on her like a robbers dog

48. Colder than a nuns nasty

49. Off like a bride’s nightie

50. Off like a prawn in the hot sun

51. As useful as an ashtray on a motor bike

52. As useful as a hip pocket in a singlet

53. As happy as Larry

54. Sticks out like the back wheels on a dog

55. As useless as a spare prick on a wedding night

56. As useless as a half opened pocket-knife

57. As shaky as a shit house rat

58. Up and down like a whores drawers

59. Had more pricks than a pair of rental trousers

60. Had more pricks than a second hand dart board

61. As toey as a roman sandal

62. Seen better heads hanging over a piss trough

63. Got a head like a kicked in shit bin

64. Got a face like a dried up buffalo turd

65. As tough as boarding house steak

66. As crook as rook wood

67. As useful as a chocolate teapot

68. She could eat an apple through a tennis racquet

69. Got a head on her like a twisted sand shoe

70. As full as a fairies phonebook

71. Harder than the hobs of hell

72. As popular as dandruff

73. About as bright as a hurricane lantern

74. As busy as a one-armed pickpocket at a kangaroos' convention

75. As much use as an ashtray on a windsurfer

76. As flash as a rat with a gold tooth

77. Done up like a pox-doctor's clerk

78. More degrees than a thermometer

79. Older than Methuselah

80. As popular as a pork chop in a synagogue

81. About as sharp as a bowling ball

82. As hard as a bulls head

83. As bright as a box of budgies

84. As blind as a welders dog

85. Whines like the wife on payday

86. As ugly as a mud fence

87. As poor as church mice

88. As awkward as a cow with a musket.

89. As dry as a nuns nasty

90. Got a face like a smashed crab

91. Busier that a $2 hooker on half price night

92. As weak as piss

93. Couldn't pull two dogs apart

94. Couldn't pull the skin off a rice pudding

95. Couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag

96. As rare as rocking horse shit

97. As scares as hens teeth

98. Like a rat up a drain pipe

99. Running around like a blue arsed fly

100. As greasy as a butchers dick

101. I could eat the fork out of a wetsuit

102. Strong enough to tear the fork out of a nightie

103. Fart like a torn tent

104. As useful as a blow up dartboard

105. As weak as a wet blanket

106. As cold as charity

107. Couldn't win a chicken raffle if he had all the tickets

108. You could fit a Mack truck sideways through that

109. Like a kangaroo caught in a Mack truck headlights

110. Built like a brick shit house

.

Here are a few more if you think i've repeated some of the above:

.

1. Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades.

2. As black as the ace of spades

3. It's as dark as six foot down a cows guts

4. Hot enough to give a jelly fish a horn