My ex-husband began to make threats of taking me to court for custody of my girls. That really frightened me, because by this time, I was living with someone else. I know he had a chance because we weren't married. At that time, he could take them due to immoral living conditions. I talked to my new guy, and expressed my fear, we got married that evening.

I wanted to believe that he really loved me, but I wouldn't have believed anything else. I did all I could to make him happy and keep him that way, even if it involved me losing myself in the process. I didn't conceed myself completely at first. I continued to be prideful in myself and maintain my self-respect.

We had to move, so I found another house, and began packing. It seemed like all I had was overshadowed with a lack of importance. Once we got moved, it was up to me alone to unpack everything with one exception, I couldn't unpack any of his things. It was one more of those red flags that I chose not to see.

He would ask me if I wanted to go dancing, which, of course, I did. I was always so excited about going out, it was a whole new world to me, and I enjoyed the music and dancing so much. He would have to run to the store and be right back, while I finished getting ready to go. I wanted everything to be right. So I curled my hair and made it look just right. After all, I wanted him to be proud to be seen with me. Makeup had to be just perfect too.

I would be ready to go and found myself waiting for him to return until the next day. He had gone without me. I was his wife, and he stood me up. The feelings that were sparked in my heart were so jumbled up and confused, but the hurt was clear. I was embarrassed, humiliated and my self esteem took a hard hit. This happened several times. The only explanation I was offered was, "Don't worry about it." He had business to take care of or he got stuck. To this day, I know of no mudholes at the grocery store.

My life went from insecure and afraid of life to being totally mortified to leave home. I stayed home all the time. I was not worth being seen out in public and people I knew were noticing it. I simply told them I had been very busy. It worked, or at least I thought it did.

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