After I divorced my first husband, I was very vulnerable and scared. I was in a town that I didn't know many people in, and I was all alone. Alcohol became my comfort.

I would cash my paychecks at the liquor store. I tried to kill the pain and intimidate the fear. I was drunk more than I was sober throughout the week.

I met this guy. He was a pretty handsome fella, and I was a little taken by his attention. We spent some time talking, and soon we were dating. He took me dancing in a club. He was the first person to ever take me dancing. He was all for my heavy drinking and encouraged it. He began to pull away emotionally from me, and I just figured it was because he had been hurt so many times before. I should have paid attention to that as a sign of trouble.

After a few weeks, it felt like I was having to argue with him all the time just for his time. I interpreted his distance and lack of time for me for being afraid instead of what it really was. It should have told me that this is what my life was going to be with him.

I found that food was missing from my house, and he was the only one there, but denied knowing anything about it. I saw a friend of his one day and she was wearing a necklace that was mine! She said he gave it to her, but returned it to me anyway. When I asked him about it, he said that he had purchased it a long time ago. I figured he thought that my ex-husband had bought it for me, and it would be better gone from my very limited collection. The fact was that I bought it myself, and he had no right to make those decisions for me.

I remember one time, we had a date and he drove my car to the club to go dancing. We drove back and forth for what seemed like forever. He finally parked and had the nerve to borrow a dollar from me and then told me to go home. I was furious and hurt! Once again, I should have seen, but my vision was so blurred with what i thought was love, I couldn't see past it. I saw him with another girl in his truck a few days later, and as always, he denied it. Things progressed like this for the duration of our dating. He always said the right things and made everything all better. When I look back now, I wish I had not allowed myself to be so blinded to reality.

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