Children&Discipline
72Please note: I am in no way condoning spanking your child at the drop of a hat. Your child is yours to raise as you see fit. I, myself, do not have children, so this is written from the outside looking in at parenting. If you have a discipline that works, by all means, stick to it and good for you. However, I feel not all parents are giving any discipline whatsoever. I have written this article from only my perspective. When I am lucky enough, I hope my child can respect me as a parent enough as not to have to receive spankings much, hopefully at all.
Everybody's business...
Should it be every body's business whether or not I want to spank my child? I certainly don't think it should be. But one person opinion doesn't count for much, does it? I remember when I was a child my school had a paddle, imagine that, and yes, on occasion I was subjected to said paddle. My parents had given permission for the school to do so, it was within their rights to do so. Heaven forbid that happen in today's society. Paddles have since been banned from all public and private schools. Now it's "time-outs" or getting "grounded", which could be as simple as taking a favorite video game away. Wow. Somehow this doesn't seem like effective parenting to me. Children can adjust to having things "taken" away, I certainly did. Of course, this is only my opinion and seen only thru my eyes.
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Invasion of privacy...
Unfortunately, it's not just parents that are being ineffectual. In a sense, parents are having their hands ties. Our government has laws against spanking your child in public. This being the case, I will explain how I feel about that. Simply, children are like puppies, in the affect that if you wait to reprimand a puppy, they have forgotten, they just think you are bing mean. I think the same is true with children. If your child is acting an a$$ in a store, embarrassing or breaking things, I am of the opinion that a good swift whack on the behind is in order to get the situation back into your control, parental control. However, since the video of a mother spanking her child in her own car surfaced, I am certain Child Protective Services would be on the scene or at your house shortly thereafter. Here I was thinking it was a free country and we were allowed to raise our children how we, as parents, saw fit. Silly me.
Report Acts of Violence
- Don't be blind, help a child.
DreamCatchers for children
Do not NOT misunderstand...
I am in NO way condoning beating your child. I am appalled that there are literally millions of children getting brutally beaten daily just because they were there, or because they talked back, or because one or both of their parents is a violent drunk. I am also of the opinion that if you feel a child within your family, a friendship, or even a neighbor, is being severely punished or beaten you should notify the proper authorities immediately. I certainly would and I have, for that matter. No child deserves to live in fear and horror because of their parent(s) or their situation in life. It is not fair to that child for you to remain silent. Children often don't know they can speak for themselves, be the voice for that child.
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In conclusion...
I am trying to convey the simple philosiphy, spare the rod, spoil the child. I have witnessed many a child acting a fool and then pitching a bissy fit when put in "time out". I have also witnessed parents of said children give in to said child, where exactly is the discipline in this method? It seems to me the child is running the parent, not the other way around as it needs to be. Parents need to take control of the children before their children are too big for their britches. If not we are likely to have a nation filled with tantrum-throwing, whiny, back talking adults.
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Comments
Thank you for the comment habee. And yes I agree with you, that is one of the reasons I wrote the article.
I say spank the crap out of them!
lmao, thank you for sharing drej :D
Thorny subject you've raised here, mistywild. Each child is different, and very sensitive children might not respond positively to spanking, whatever the definition of that word is. On the other hand, for wayward children, time-out punishments might be ineffective. I agree with you that for the sake of society, and for their own sakes later in later life, children need to learn early on that their behaviour has consequences. I'm not against issuing a gentle 'smack' in the last resort provided the child understands why the punishment is being administered. Continual smacking would simply cease to work. Parenting is not easy!
Thanks for the comment and for sharing your ideas. I see your point of view clearly. I wrote this article thru the eyes of someone who does not have children. as I do not. However, I know parenting is hard work, that is why I am researching and writing about how I think I would raise my child, nothing more, nothing less.
It's a good idea to research parenting before you launch yourself into it. I've been through it and emerged the other end. I didn't think to do any research before I started, and made lots of mistakes along the way. I don't know if any amount of research could have prepared me for the reality though. One of my mistakes was being too lenient at times. But there is no foolproof system for raising a child. Basically I would say the most important thing is that the child knows it is loved. As a parent, you will know your own child better than anyone. You just have to trust your instincts and do what you think is right. Thanks for raising such an interesting and important topic. It's good to discuss these things.
Thanks for the comment paddy. I appreciate your input.
It has always seemed to me that in this area my father got it right. From as young as I can remember, and probably well before that, my father made sure I knew he was in charge. There were very few spankings as they were not necessary. When he said jump my only question could be "how far" In my teen years he then said "you know my standards, I will no longer be in control but if you blow it do not expect me to fix it." For me that work very well, as it did for my children and I see them doing much the same with their children.
thank you for the comment, it is appreciated, I believe I need to go back and clarify exactly your point. I got 1 spanking in my life, that was enough. I am in no way saying you should spank your child at every whim. I will add a note to that effect on the page.
parenting is a hard course and i guess it's only God that can help. laws against beating ur child is there because some parent do abuse instead of correct the child. We have good examples of that in a country like mine (Nigeria) where there is no law against beating your child and training the child is more of a community responsibility and not the individual responsiblity of the parents. however too much of every thing is bad. those laws ahould be a little more accomodating and countries with no law should put something in place to help the children being abused by their parent in the name of training.
Thank you for your comment. As I stated I believe beating your child is a completely different subject matter altoghter and should be addressed properly. I appreciate your input.
i don't need to comment right? lol
lol, I got our views from the forum. Thanks for "commenting".
I have two small children and I did quite a bit of research on this topic because I was of the opinion that I was spanked and I'm fine so why can't I do it to my kids? Well, there are some very good reasons not to spank. First, it has been shown to hurt a child's self-esteem. Confidence is a huge factor in having a successful life. Much more so than raw intelligence. Second, your child can equate violence as an acceptable way to settle disputes. Guess what? - it isn't. I think spanking a child is the lazy way out. It's easy. But you are harming your child whether you realize it or not. There are far more effective ways to discipline children that allow them to learn from their mistakes while keeping everyones' dignity intact. Kids are worth the effort. Resorting to the hand (or the wooden spoon in my case)is not something to be proud of. I'm sure that offends some people. I listen to psychologists who I think are pretty much of the same opinion.
EJF, I appreciate your comments. Again, I am not conding spanking your child for every reason under the sun. I am simply stating it could be helpful in the discipline process. I was spanked once as a child. That was enough for me.
Your words are so good.My pleasure to introduce uggs to you.
I feel strongly enough about it to wade in here. My experience is only that of having been a child and having numerous much-loved nephews and nieces. like mistywild, however, it does give you a chance to stand back and observe. I am not in favour of violence as any sort of solution. However, I think it is vital for a child to learn about boundaries and in exchange for a temporary loss in self-esteem a child gains a lifelong understanding and coaching in self-discipline. I can remember very few incidents of being smacked but am very grateful my parents believed in it. Has anybody measured the effects of the psychological abuse in 'timeouts' 'bottom of the stair', etc, ?
I say Bravo!!! If the child gets a spanking maybe RESPECT will be restored. Most children learn they can get away with it, then push the envelope. I would love to have time out. Spare the rod.....they learn no conscience. A little respect for authority right? Not beatings, just spanking. I did and my son......tows the line...yes mam and all. Good hub MistyWild
For those that never spank -- For a 12-month-old that walks very well but does not talk -- He bites people, draws blood, and then laughs. What discipline is appropriate? Can he understand time out? He won;t stay put in a chair in the corner or in a room. Maybe back to the crib for time out instead of using his bed?
Jim- Thank you for the comment.
Anne P- thank your for your comments, I too was only spanked once, but know that my parents would and could, was enough for me.
Doris E- Thank you for your comment. I am sure your son is a very good man. And that's what the name of the game is, RESPECT.
INTERESTED- this is a delicate situation, if the child does not understand why they are being spanked it is ineffectual and your child will view it as just plain mean, however, it appears to me that some kind of discipline needs to be in affect. It seems to me he is not aware that "time out" is a punishment since he has the means to escape. I think the crib idea is a good one, it shows "boundaries". Please let me know how this works out for you and if I was helpful. And thank you for the comment.
Interested: One of the problems with timeouts is that I'm not sure that a child understands the concept at 12 months. I think you are supposed to wait until they are at least over 3. Timeouts are loosing favor apparently these days. I'm not sure that he would understand a spanking either at that age. My boy does the same thing - thought it was funny to bite his sister and he bit because he was frustrated that he couldn't speak, I'm sure. I just yank him away and and say "NO!" and while he may laugh, I have never hit him and now that he is starting to talk he doesn't bite anymore. My point is at that age I'm not sure he would understand the concept of "punishment" anyway. I have never spanked and I've been just fine.
Thanks mistywild. I grew up in the era in which paddling was used in school with the written consent of the parents. Also, the neighborhood moms and dads were allowed to spank you and send you home where you were spanked again your parents. What has happened to America's children is that those who were abused as children, tend to pass that abuse on to their child or children. The Bible says, "Train up a child in the way that he should go, when he is old, he will not depart from it." When they took prayer out of school, that's when Satan took over the children as well. Children today have no fear of anything like adults from my generation.
thank you for your comment gary. And yes I understand, I also know if a parent watches a parent get beat or gets beat themselves, they are likely to follow the same pattern, notice I use the word BEAT and not SPANK. There's a huge difference. I can see you point about prayer in schools, I was blessed enough to attend private school my whole life. And I was only spanked once, as I have previously mentioned, but that was enough for me to respect my parents and listen to their judgement, not that I always followed it.
I think that putting your hands on anyone, adult or otherwise shows a sign of ignorance. Ignorance meaning "not knowing" rather than "stupidity." I believe that you can reason with anyone. As for children, it amazes me that you see parents on TV or real life (IE: grocery stores) where their child is acting up and has no sense of respect for the parent. I believe it is because respect is earned, not a gift. Even for a child to a parent. By hitting your child, you are showing dissrespect and therefore deserve to not have the respect from them. Turn it around. Ever hear of cases of children abusing their parents while in nursing homes, or while taking care of the parents when they are sick? We prosecute them, if caught. But it's alright for a parent to hit a child? Explain to me how that makes sense. So the next time your child slaps you in the face because he/she doesn't know better, before you chastise them, ask yourself; did I teach them that by "swatting" them on the behind?
Sometimes my kids wish I would just spank them and get it over with, but it's about getting them ready for the real world. To understand consequences and responsiblility. If your child refuses to do their homework in school, then homeschool them. Trust me after about two or so months of that, your both ready to send your kid back to school, and the kid will practically sprint his way to first period. If your child is cussing and won't stop swearing, then take away all tv and computer and video games and buy that kid a bunch of books. Then each time they read the book, make them give a oral report. That way your child has something to talk about without using offensive language. If your teenager doesn't want to clean their room, try the glitter method. If the room is not cleaned to your specifications (because it is your home and your rules) then throw glitter and tell them to clean it all up, if not then you lose something. If they originally clean it to your specifications, then leave a gift for them by their bed overnight so that they can find it in the morning. Consequences. No spanking, no dissrespect.
thank you mark, I certainly see your point of view, however, I am not sure you are seeing mine. That is fine. I do appreciate your comment though. Thank you for speaking up about your opinion.
Wow, you are so brave to express this philosophy in the USA! I totally agree with you.
thanks for the comment chenmikehk. I am beginning to feel people are giving in to their childrens temper tantrums to easily and "time out" is completely unproductive because of that very reason.
Nice artilce!
I have heard that a good way to deal with temper tantrums is to refuse to acknowledge them. Only "hear" the child when normal voice is used. If it is in a store, take the kid to the car and wait but still refuse to converse with them during the tantrum. It is important not to "reward" tantrum behavior with your attention -- which is what they want. They will learn that they never win by throwing a tantrum. It is vital that you stay calm and don't lose your cool because they want a reaction.
EJF- thanks for the comment, very sound advice. I appreciate you pointing these tips out.
habee says:
3 weeks ago
I totally agree! Don't you think this is one reason the "youner generation" often feel no responsibility for their actions?