Becoming single again after being in a relationship for years can be rough--it's not that simple to go from being attached to be alone. If you are faced with this situation there are a few things you can do to ease the pain until you are ready and able to get back out there.

It's hard to admit that you are single not by choice, but by circumstance. You need to take some time to process what has happened, and to mourn the end of the relationship. There is a grieving process for being dumped just like there is when a loved one passes away. It's incredibly painful, and you may find yourself cycling through denial, anger and fear before you finally reach acceptance. Some people make the mistake of jumping back into the dating scene prematurely. Some make the mistake of just jumping back into the having-a-social-life scene prematurely as well. Maybe you're listening to friends who say you need to rebound immediately. Some people even call it "a healthy rebound". THERE IS NO SUCH THING. Going to a bar and/or a house party and getting drunk is not recommended for the newly single and heartbroken. Drinking, especially, is something that should be avoided at all costs during this tender time. It can lead to crazy, uncomfortable and ultimately regrettable hook-ups and uncontrollable crying fits in public. Take my advice and stay in for the first few months. Hang out with family and other loved ones who you can talk to, people who don't mind being a shoulder to cry on. If you don't already have one, starting a journal can be a great way to get your feelings out of your head and on to paper. Try to participate in sober activities to occupy yourself, take a second job even. It'll help occupation your mind as well as your time, and plus you'll be earning extra money (particularly important if you're the one who has to look for a new apartment/car/house/etc.)

Being dumped can leave one feeling unattractive, unloved, and unwanted. Once you can make it through a day without the waterworks, take yourself out. Treat yourself to a manicure pedicure, buy yourself that jacket you always wanted but couldn't get because you shared finances and your partner wouldn't approve of it, splurge on a spa treatment or a delicious meal at your favorite restaurant. Spoiling yourself for a bit isn't a bad thing. Don't worry about the cost! You deserve it. Majority of the time, it takes two to make something go bad. It's not going to do you any good to beat yourself up over it. Many people spend years feeling guilty, wondering what they could've done differently to make their significant other stay, or what they can do now or in the future to get her back. Try to keep in mind that you weren't dumped for any one specific reason. It could be that you just weren't mean to be romantically, and that the split was the best thing for the BOTH of you. You broke up because it wasn't working, that much is true, but the break up will allow you to open up to new people and places, and will pave the way for your next relationship, letting you experience different kinds of love with different kinds of people until you find the one.

Okay, let's say you've been through steps one and two and are maybe ready to start flirting a bit with the idea of going out or talking to potential candidates. My girlfriend was dumped by her ex in September of 2003 and spent the rest of that year indoors after multiple failed attempts at normalcy. She says that a drunken night out in Brooklyn with friends left her crying in her gin and tonic, and a house party with old high school buddies had her hooking up with the first person who paid attention to her. After those events she thought it better to stay away from everyone until she was able to pull it together on her own. By late January of 2004, she was starting to feel a little bit better--with the help of AOL. The internet can be a valuable tool. Finding new people to talk to (even if all you can talk about is your failed relationship) can be therapeutic, as long as they don't mind listening, or have a similar tale of heartbreak to confess. could talk to people I didn't know. Tell my side of the being dumped story to a neutral party. I thought I'd discovered the answer. Going into chat rooms, putting in your own two cents and meeting new people to communicate with. My girlfriend employed this method, and after a few days began private chats with a girl named Michelle, aka Skittles420. They got along well and exchanged phone numbers rather quickly. My g/f says she felt wanted. She felt desired. It was the feelings she had been missing and the feelings she needed before she was completely ready to take it to the streets.

Those of you who were in the "in it to win it" relationships, the lifers who spent 5+ years with the same person may not realize that the game has changed in the years you've been playing house. If you spent your early- to mid-twenties in a long term romance, you may forget that it's no longer the 1990s. Your Kurt Cobain flannel and Eddie Veder grunge-metal hair might not attract anyone in the year 2008. The sad truth is that some people tend to let themselves go once they reach complacency in a long-term relationship. Maybe you gain weight or stop wearing make up or hitting the gym. You allow your appearance to take on a life of it's own. So it's never a bad idea to give yourself a fresh, new look. It's time to shed the past and leap into the future. When Danielle was recovering from being dumped after a four year romance, she buzzed her hair off and bought a few new duds. She'd always wanted short hair but her g/f at the time loved her long curly locks. She'd always prefered boys underwear and sports bars to panties and the eighteen hour bra, but her g/f didn't. If you've been being held back in similar ways, take thie opportunity to reinvent yourself. Get in touch with your inner style and manifest it on the outside.

This is perhaps the ultimate tip, and a mistake many heartbroken people make in times of haste. I've seen many friends and family members make the mistake of jumping into another "lifer" with the first person they sleep with, or even worse, make out with. When I was newly single, I went for nearly a year without taking anyone on. I was smart enough to know that the time just after my break up was crucial for my emotional healing. When someone is attracted to you, they tend to pay little attention to the fact that your wounds are still fresh, or they make the mistake of thinking that they can heal you. Don't make the mistake of agreeing with them. It will probably just end in heartbreak--for the other person.

Breaking up is hard. Letting go is even harder. Being alone after being with someone for so long is like a hangover, the only sure cure is time, so prove to yourself that you love yourself and give yourself the space you need.