1. Someone always has to check on the noise.

Think about it: if you were alone especially at night and you heard something in the basement would you grab a flashlight and slowly tiptoe your way downstair to check where the noise was coming from like they always did in the movies? I won't. I would lock myself in my room like a coward, grab an object in my hand and pretty much doze back to sleep. Okay, let's say if you really are one of those noise checker, well, you idiot! Come on, you never seen a horror movie in your life? Not even a typical scary movie? The character and usually the actress always get killed because she went to see what the noise was! Do not even be checking noises in real life because I have seen a case in "Forensic Files" where a veteran who survived World War II but he went to check on the noise coming from the first floor of his house one night and when he was half down the stair the burglar shot him dead. Think about it: all his years of dodging bullets if he had learned from horror movies and hid in his room the burglars would have finish their business and quickly leave. Lesson to be learn from horror movies: avoid unnecessry confrontation. Never check noises.

2. They don't stay put and wait it out.

You know the scene: a group of people knows they are in trouble, someone or something had killed one of them and it is coming for more. Then one idiot in the movie would always suggest that they have to go here or there in order to survive this thing. BS, excuse me, they always die one by one as they were trying to reach this place. I say barricade right where they are, position each person their perimeter, take turn sleeping until rescue comes. Haven't you seen "The Day After Tomorrow"? Those people who left the library all froze to death. Heck, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. Staying put guarantees you know which hole the monster will come out off so you can beat on it everytime like you do in the arcade. Hehehe...

3. They have to split up.

Again probably the same idiot would also suggest that the group split up to do this and that. Unless its "The Happening" where splitting up is the only way to live then what the heck?! Scary Movie made me see the funny point about this. In the movie when someone suggested that they split up, Brenda Meeks played by the hilarious Regina Hall protested to some affect, "Uh-uh, why do we have to split up?! Haven't you seen enough scary movie to know that somebody always gets kill when you split up?" LOL Funny insight yet applicable to real life because an army of ten is harder to defeat than an army of two...no matter where you have to go.

4. It's obvious who's going to die.

Even M. Night Shyamalan who made his mark as an unpredictable scary movie writer as in "The Sixth Sense" had finally managed to be predictable in the it's-obvious-who's-going-to die sense with the movie "The Happening." Right from the beginning I told my hubby that the child's father is going to die. The best friend always has to die so that the main character has something to grieve about. Then I saw the two young boys running with Mark Wahlberg in the field and I knew these characters were written solely to die. Very rarely do characters that's not the main focus of the movie survived anything with the exception of the movie "Deep Blue Sea" where LL Cool J survived the continious attrack of the shark while Samuel Jackson and the leading lady surprizingly perished. Kudos to the writers. Next time I would like to be surprized by the victory of an unknown actor playing the small role like in Alien III.

5. Monsters need to eat us for survival or enjoyment.

I can't recall what famous horror movie base its plot on this but it doesn't make sense to me either way. Think how funny it would be if our own human survival is depended upon the consumption of E.T. Yikes! Plus no doubt we will become extinct because aside from the government I don't know where we can find aliens to eat. And I've watched horror movies were the monsters would hunt and devour humans seemingly out of enjoyment like we do eating a piece of juicy steak. But this didn't make sense to me either cause if I landed on Mars I won't be hunting down the green monsters to eat them for dinner or something. I would not even go near them and would most likely hide or run for my life. I don't know maybe these monsters they portray are like sharks, the mindless killing machines.