5 Signs That You're Clingy
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Most men hate clingy women (although I suspect it strongly reinforces some of the narcissistic types who will happily string a clingy woman along) and it's difficult to hold this against them -- clinginess is annoying and, in some relationships, can be exhausting for both parties. Of course, women aren't the only ones who get clingy; men can be clingy as well, and it's every bit as much of a turn off. Therefore, this article isn't being written as a guide for females; it's a guide for anyone who finds themselves acting in this manner. If you've been called clingy, take a look at the list below; if any of that sounds like you, you're probably a bit clingy!
You always call him or her first -- and you call all the time.
Sometimes before you've even gotten out of bed in the morning. And then loads of other times during the day. The love of your life can't call you first, because you always beat them to it. Not to mention, you call them so frequently that they could guess it was you calling and be right 98% of the time. Yo -- you're obsessed. Put the phone down for 5 minutes!
You have no life of your own.
Do you spend every bit of your free time with your man? Do you spend most of your day thinking about your next date with your woman? Do you put your friends and hobbies on hold unless your man announces that he's going out with the boys? Unless you've just met this person and are riding that "new love" high, you're being clingy. And obsessed.
You're constantly worried about getting dumped.
Insecurity is at the heart of clinginess, so if you're experiencing this one, you need to think about why. It's this fear that makes you want to constantly be around the other person, so you can reassure yourself that they are still there and haven't dumped you.
You're willing to be bored out of your mind just to spend time with them.
If he tells you that he'll be spending the weekend reading Dr. Zhivago and won't be able to talk much, do you then ask if you can drop by to watch him read it? Or maybe you're more clever than that; maybe you just offer to clean his watch so you can watch him without seeming as obsessed as you apparently are.
You're not happy on the inside.
Clinginess is a big mix of insecurity, obsession and other self-esteem issues. Men and women who are clingy are rarely happy for more than the initial few moments when they see the person they're obsessing over, because they immediately start to worry about how they're going to feel when the date is over.
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Comments
Ashwin -- It sounds like she likes that, so I wouldn't stop now. Especially not if you've been doing it for 7 years. If you stop now, she might think something is wrong. What you're doing doesn't really sound clingy, anyway. Sounds kind of sweet, really. ;) I'm talking more about people who call constantly, all day.
but how can i know whether she enjoyed it or she endured it for the past 7 yrs??? i just carried on doing it since i started it taking for granted she will like the gesture. but i have to check it out Isabella, When i sms tonight and she gives me a call back asking why the change in routine i know all is in order, if not :=(.. i will keep you posted tomorrow what happens
All true points. And then there's the very narcissistic person who's clingy as a means to make sure it's "all about them, all the time."
Thumbs up!
I always enjoy reading your hubs. Fortunately I am not clingy...........would say more but I have to call my honey to see if she has had a nice nap.
I have a similar situation now with a raher clingy man- it was cute at first, but now it's kind of annoying
Good one.
Thanks for sharing :)
this is so true! women need to get a life of her own. spend time with her friends, have her own hobby. this makes your partner more interested in you.
Being consistent, and by nature sweet is not at all being Clingy .. well, in my opinion. I guess just like alcohol, the difference lies in the quantity?
Excellent Subject. Great Hub.
I know a lot of people here in HOng Kong who are exactly like this. Great article!
My former bf of five years used to call me several times during the day, and before dawn on those mornings that I had slept in my own place, just to say Hi, to wish me a nice day/afternoon, and so on.
We fought one evening, because I didn't check my cell phone's voice mail one day. He was very angry. What if it had been an emergency? So I checked the message, and all he said was, "Hi!" and hung up.
It was all some kind of test, I think. After five years, I couldn't take it anymore.
Now I'm dating someone new, I have very strong feelings for him, and I'm feeing very clingy, and it takes all of my strength not to act on it, but I just won't.
That was excellent and true, my clinginess ruins alot of my relationships. At first I keep distance and thats what makes the guy like me even more, but as soon as I feel something for the guy I begin calling and yearning to be with them every second of the day. My father left me when I was one, my cousin molested me. and my stepfather physically and emotionally abused my brother and I so I have issues with self esteem and self worth. This article helped me realized my issues even further.
good list. what i was wondering though - was really about the 'new love' high - can you tell during that stage if someone is going to be clingy or not later - its so hard to tell..
ashwin - why don't you ask your fiancee??
how true. i am guilty of it all. i know at the back of my mind that i am... and when i kept demanding for a reason why i dont get treated the way i deserve to, and kept demanding for an explanation why i am the 1st gf he ever took the initiative to break up with, why all his other ex gfs did less than what i did for him yet he loved them so much more (he cheated on me and i took him back :| ) . and his blunt ans was "they are not as clingy as you and i myself am kind of bored of you". ... great.great oh well.
I see a lot of this in my current bf, for a while i found it nice to have him around all the time, we usually spend most of the day (and occassionally nights) together but its starting to suffocate me. I really love him and enjoy spending time with him but i need to have a breather every now and then, ive communicated this to him a couple times and the last time i did he thought it was an excuse to go see my ex boyfriend which i recently just got out of a relationship with.
I think it may be from insecurity issues that he needs to be around me all the time, (sometimes he even follows me around the house when im doing my own thing) i'm starting to see it as a problem now and not as a 'sweet' thing he is doing because he cherishes me.
I've just started seeing a guy and we've been emailing back and forth. 80% of the time I send the first message or text. we have a short chat about once a day.... today I decided to not send the first message... and I haven't heard anything from him. my clingy (scared to get dumped) side is coming out and I have to really hold back to not contact him. I'm afraid I might have made him head for the hills..... does it sound too clingy?
MY GIRL ALWAYS WANT TO BE WITH ME EVERY WHERE I GO EVEN ON MY OFF DAYS SHE ALWAYS WITH ME I NEVER HAVE TIME FOR MYSELF WE R LIVING TOGETHER AND HAVE THE SAME DAYS OFF BUT WHEN I GO HANG WITH MY FRIENDS SHE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT
when i found out that my guy that i have been seriously datig for the past three months was still hanging out with his ex i didnt think anything of it until i got a hold of his phone and i found out hes been telling her that he doesn't have another women in his life...tells her to come over and sleep with him in bed when shes down because shes losing her mother and he tells her things like i miss u babe n they watch movies at his house... i was pissed n freak out becuz he told me that she knows about us...so after that i started not to trust him n when he hangs up the phone with me n calls me rite back i start to question him everytime n then we would get into an fight...after two weeks i started to get better cuz he told me nothing is going on btw them but then he stoped calling me n said i was clingy... i don't no how cuz everything you wrote up there is not me other than sometimes i would feel insecure... How was i being clingy?
This article is right on the nose! I myself have been a clingy person, and it DOES come from insecurity--never mind that I'm cute, intelligent, and a great catch. When I date someone, I want to check in with them all the time. I used to tell myself it was sweet, or that I just wanted to hear their voice, but eventually I realized that deep down, I was checking in to make sure they still like me.
The guy I'm seeing now actually told me after a week that he didn't want to see me anymore, because I "wanted a more serious relationship than he did." That wasn't really true--but it WAS a clue to me that I was being clingy. When he told me a couple weeks later that he missed me and had made a mistake (Ha! I win!), I decided right then and there to make a change in my behavior (for my *own* happiness, not to please him).
Now, I force myself not to call or text as often as I might like. It does feel artificial sometimes, like I'm playing a game, but the fact is, sometimes you have to "fake it 'til you make it." This "game" is paying off, because every time I let him call me first, I feel GREAT because he missed me enough to call me, instead of just "calling me back!" This reassures me that he's interested far more than calling him up ever could. We've been dating (re-dating?) about a month now, and I can already see the difference.
I think the biggest lesson out of this, for me, has been that when I was being clingy, I was focusing on the wrong thing. I was always concerned about whether HE liked ME. Now I see that the most important thing I need to worry about is whether I like HIM. I can just live my life, and enjoy his company, and not stress about it. Hey, I'm learning! =^D
ASHWINSPGA says:
16 months ago
I always have been calling my fiancee up every single morning just to hear her voice and before we both hit the bed to last hear her voice for the past 7 yrs. i thought it was romantic..gosh... how would my girl have felt? i will just stick to smsing tonight and see what happens. thanks for the eye opener Isabella. hit me like a thunderbolt