50 Funny Facebook Status Ideas
97
I have to admit it, to my eternal shame, I have actually sat in front of facebook and spent a good five minutes trying to think of something funny to say..... and then failed miserably, so turned to google for assistance. I also know, through doing so, that some of my friends have done this too. At least it seems that thousands of other people also lack the creativity gene and to make up for my failings, I present to you the 50 funniest Facebook status / status's / statuses / stati....?!? All of these status updates are genuinely real, but for the benefit of this article, my subjects need to have a names, so lets call them Dave and Katie - just to place that little bit of extra emphasis my complete lack of creativity. It's not really appropriate to give people's real names, but the 'Daves' were male, and the 'Katies' were female.......
The Funny Status Updates......
Dave feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes.
Katie used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything.
Dave is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube... This could take a while...
Katie dreams of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned :0)
Dave says my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Katie is cle'a]ni.ng he'r ke]yb29oa;rd
Dave is wondering why his daughter's diaper holds no where near the 22-37 pounds it promises.
Katie is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Dave doesn't suffer from insanity... he enjoys every minute of it.
Katie ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
Dave is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
Katie thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single"
Dave before you use the bathroom in someones house make sure you check they have toilet paper!!
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Funny Facebook Updates Continued.....
Dave Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper
Katie "Good morning...I see the assassins have failed."
Dave is cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.
Katie Be nice to nerds, Chances are you will be working for them.
Dave is normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
Katie is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf's a minute
Dave just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
Katie would rather check her facebook than face her checkbook.
Dave believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
Katie ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
Dave Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with "according to the prophecy"
Katie is Loading ████████████ 99%
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Hilarious Facebook Updates by Darkside
The following 25 were contributed by fellow hubber Darkside via the comments box, to help take the page up to the promised big five-o, and they are great so have a giggle:-
Dave People reckon I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).
Katie Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
Dave I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case.
Katie It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.
Dave How To Be A Hero tip: When destroying the enemy be sure to kill all the criminals in reverse order of importance before confronting the kingpin himself.
Katie went to the book store earlier to buy a 'Where's Wally' book. When I got there, I couldn't find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
Dave Don't waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", think of another song you like and hum that instead.
Katie What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it?... Next week.
Dave My wife said I'm too immature and if I don't grow up it's going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
Katie Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy.
Dave Hi, my name is Damimeve. The 'mime' is silent.
Katie got her test results back this morning and is shocked to find that she's been diagnosed with OCD. She's rung the doctors nine times to check if they're correct.
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Hilarious Facebook Status Updates Continued....
Dave reckons anti-wrinkle cream doesn't work. If it did, women wouldn't have any fingerprints.
Katie will one day get even... with all the people that have helped him.
Dave Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Katie People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
Dave Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Katie Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
Dave I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
Katie I just read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them...
Dave I've always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
Katie TEIAM - problem solved
Dave never questions authority, he annoys authority. More effect, less effort.
Katie never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
Dave Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "what do you need?"
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Comments
Cheers for your comment :D..... I just used:
Ryan is Loading ???????????? 99%
Ooopps.... it didnt let me put that in the comment, I used the Loading one!
I have actually seen some of my friends use these for their status... well well well, now they are not as funny as I thought.
these are great i just got into face book and just may use some of these thanks for shareing
Haha these are amazing! Thanks!
Wow ! really funny :)I had a good laugh!Thank you!
Really funny!Thanks!
Yeah, I admit it actually happened :)
before you use the bathroom in someones house make sure you check they have toilet paper!!
Very funny - especially since I always lose to paper...
Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper
Great hub! Chuckles and smiles all around :-) I might actually use some of these and see what happenes - LOL.
Rock on!
hey this is really kool and funny!!
thanks a lot for !deas!
brilliant..... heard on the radio yesterday.... a robber broke into a house, and before he left he logged into face book...... idiot forgot to log off ha ha
This is great And I enjoyed reading it immensely. Thanks for the laugh! I'll sign off here like I sign my Facebook status: Delaney Boling - Because not everyone can know a rock star...
hey, this is really cool!
I used is overloaded ?????????????? 107%
:)
I like to post outlandish things that everyone who knows me would know are bogus, like "at Starbucks having a latte with Barack Obama" or "texting while driving his Maserati."
Funny! I might actually use some of these!
I haven't seen these before! Very funny!!
hilarious!! i copy pasted already one .wow now i can finally update my fb status more often!!
((?? ??(??C??r??a??y??o??l????a??( ???((>
People reckon I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case.
All good ones there Darkside, honoured to have you grace my pages ;)
It's a fun hub. I'll see if I can help get it from the 25 Funny Facebook Status Ideas in the title to the 50-Funny-Facebook-Status-Ideas in the URL :D
It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.
went to the book store earlier to buy a 'Where's Wally' book. When I got there, I couldn't find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
How To Be A Hero tip: When destroying the enemy be sure to kill all the criminals in reverse order of importance before confronting the kingpin himself.
Ryan: Your status is updated. And your talent waisted.
+
Dave: My new TV is tuned to the snow channel. What's digital?
Veronika: My cousin is wearing my lipstick. He's also wearing my panties.
Josephine: My i-Pod cable is killing me. No really ...
Don't waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", think of another song you like and hum that instead.
What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it?... Next week.
My wife said I'm too immature and if I don't grow up it's going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
These are all great!
Hi, my name is Rymimean. The 'mime' is silent.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy.
got his test results back this morning and is shocked to find that he's been diagnosed with OCD. He's rung the doctors nine times to check if they're correct.
reckons anti-wrinkle cream doesn't work. If it did, women wouldn't have any fingerprints.
will one day get even... with all the people that have helped him.
You should have done your own hub Darkside! Very very funny stuff though. Are you actually going to let me use it to get to 50?
All great ones including what Darkside has added :D
why did he take over your hub...........
Im not sure, but I think he wants to help me get it to 50 -look at the URL ;) It's all good though, it's funny stuff!
well he don't join in my hubs, maybe he likes yer, ha ha funny it is though
First time he has been on mine, hes a busy lad, so all good in my eyes! Like your new pic by the way peotlorraine, you are looking very good for a Grandmother!
I'm not OCD but that URL was really bugging me :D Feel free to copy and paste them into the hub itself.
Here's another:
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
These are ones I've found around the net and have used as my own Facebook status updates. I felt I had to pay something back seeing that I've stolen about a dozen off here to post on mine for the next couple of weeks.
Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
Brilliant, it wasnt bugging me until you reminded me of it, so its all good that your finishing the hub for me :D. Perhaps the smartest thing for you to do would have been to stick 25 funny facebook status updates on a hub with the URL '25 funny facebook status updates' to steal my (very impressive) traffic! I have been thinking of a way to repay you, so I have backlinked to Startpoint in my new blog (you never know, it might be of value one day), and will credit you in this hub and link to your profile ;)
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
I just read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them...
I've always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
ROFL, very very funny. It seems that i'm also among the thousands of people that lack the creativity gene. :p
all great!
This is awesome, i'm a steal some of them, thanks! :) haha
TEIAM - problem solved
Ryan never questions authority, he annoys authority. More effect, less effort.
Ryan never judges a book by its cover. He uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
Ryan's Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "what do you need?"
Wow! You and Darkside make quite a team! That is some funny stuff. My favorite is the one about the relationship status, "It's Complicated."
I think I'd probably get into less trouble by using these rather than telling the FaceBook community about my husband doing the laundry naked.
Thanks for the laughs.
XOXO
Cheeky
They're really good. I wish I could remember any of the hundred's I know. Oh oh, I can remember one ... everyone's heard it though:
"Jen tried sniffing Coke but the ice cubes got stuck in her nose!"
My favourite of those is the one about 6 out of 7 dwarfs not being happy!
Jack and Jill, went up the hill...they came tumbling down the hill coz i pushed them..which kid's is having a problem with that.. Send them up the hill.
@Rahul Kumar - That was crap.
This my fav.
"I was BORN CooL but GlobaL WarminG made me HOT"
Great !
Was tht gr8 fr me. Please i give me one. cuz i need one. actually give me five :)
Really Good !
got a rolex for his birthday from the lesbians next door. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
These are hilarious! I just became a fan, and I love what I've read so far.
OMG! These were great! How did you write upside down?
very funny my freind has used a couple allready
xxx
is this the same darkside that provides me with all my music and films via bit comet
What is 'bit comet'?
I hope that answers your question peaches.
Just out of curiosity Ryan, do these short sentences trip HubPages duplicate filter?
@dotchianni - I actually have a hub called 'How To Write Upside Down On Facebook', have a search for it ;)
@darkside - nope they don't, I find on my 'quotes' hubs that I have to search for many of my quotes in the deepest depths of google, as lists get replicated and are too generic. But if it is tripped, a little bit of tweeking can normally get rid of it anyway.
Hehe the chicken one cracks me up!
Halarious! im So Going To Use Some Of These:)
think about it. the first man to milk a cow, what was he doing?
LOL Funny! Thank for this!
I love the new facebook. Keeps recommending that I poke my friend's mum.
Hysterical!
hilarious! I especially enjoyed the one about the jigsaw puzzle.
nick is searching for child molesters on facebook..
nick's bathroom scale can go to 0 to 215 in 3 seconds flat!
nick is a proud member of the "he man woman haters club"
nick is searching for the love of his life: mailorderbrides.com
nick says sometimes it doesn't matter where u take a #2..
nick just relized glade plug-ins last longer than his relatioships
gr8..
n funny...
How many non-events can one writer report?
The Facebook trackers page was enough to prompt me to investigate.
I now realize I am in the presence of a master.
The space above is my humble stab at imitation- which is the sincerest form of flattery.
three words...
laughed out loud....
Now this was a hilarious post. I don't quite like to go to facebook, even though it is kind of a part of everyday professional life as well. You can read about it here in my post: http://av8erprince.pilotology.com/2009/10/17/the-u Once again, a great read and made my evening!
my mouse have become a Ouija planchette...G.......O......B...A.............C.....K......T........O........B.......E........D...ohh scary, okay WILL do oh great spirit of the internet
creative minds reside here..! keep it up!
This was HILARIOUS! Thanks for Sharing!!
haha nicee
"experiencing life at a rate of several wtf's a minute"
My favorite of these. Good one, Ryan! Thumbs up.
funny as!
ah haan...really nice hub... i like it..
Good to know y'al on facebook.. i am using one status already,.. aight
This was enjoyable!!! I used the, is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark!!! LOL
cool...like it...A+++++
These are great! Please add more!!
Been there, done that, bought the T Shirt.
Loved it!
"Geometry can kiss my Angle-Side-Side"
hehe
is having hardware issues... with her human interface device... bollacks
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Lily Rose says:
3 months ago
Hilarious - thanks for making me laugh! I may use some of these some day...