Okay, so I started looking around at different dogs and I came across the American Staffordshire Terrier. The name sounds long and dignified, but it is just a public relations spin on the good old Pit Bull. Yeah to those dog aficionados down at the American Kennel club, they have registered the American Staffordshire Terrier, Amstaff for short, as the show strain and the American Pit Bull as the fighting strain.

Personally, I don’t get it. I mean how do I know when I get bit which dog is which. Does the Staffordshire Terrier have a more dignified approach to taking a chunk of skin out of my hide than the Pit Bull?

“Hey, Killer, why’d you bite me?”

“Rather unfortunate business, I would say, master. Your buttocks reminded me a nice juicy ham I once had the opportunity of knowing.”

Or could it be . . .

“Officer, that Pit Bull just attacked me. I want it put down?”

“Are you talking about Mr. Killer, there? Why, he is not a Pit Bull. No no, he’s an American Staffordshire Terrier. “

I doesn’t matter what they call the Staffordshire Terrier, because under any breed-specific ban law, the Amstaff is classified no differently than the American Pit Bulls.

So back in England during the nineteenth century, they were a bit bored and would try to get almost any animal to fight another.

Bulls against bulls, bears against bears, Scottish against Irish.

Well, due to the Human Ethics Act, they had to do away with these shenanigans. So did they listen?

Nah, they just started using small animals for rat fights and dog battles because it was easier to hide these fights from the authorities. Not happy with rodents and wiry terriers, they began to do some crossbreeding. So they started mixing dogs together and came up with a great combination with the strength and jaw of a bulldog and willingness to play the game of an English white terrier.

Think of it as mixing Mankind with Stone Cold Steve Austin and you end up with the American Staffordshire Terrier.

So, remember the next time you are attacked by a Pit Bull, ask if it is the renowned show dog strain first before you crack its head with a bat. You don’t want to mess up its pretty face if it has a show coming up.