Okay, ranked number one on my list of dogs I want to punt like a football is the Chihuahua. I might be offending some of these little dog owners, but how can you stand that annoying yipping rat that gets under your feet?

Give me a big dog. Give me a furry dog, Hell, give me a fat diabetic cat with three legs before I will take this breed of dog. I never liked Chihuahuas, even before Taco Bell and Paris Hilton made them overplayed.

Okay, so on to some facts about Chihuahuas.

One thing that everyone agrees on is that they have no idea where they came from. Now they have found dog remains that date back pre-B.C. that could be the ancestors of the Chihuahua, but there is no real evidence. These other dogs, the Techichi, were known to exist in Mayan cultures, and much like the Chihuahuas of today, the upper class liked to carry them around as a sign of nobility. If Paris Hilton had been a Mayan, she would have had a bag made out of human skin for her Techichi and she would bring it to all the hip social events like ritual sacrifices and head rolllings.

Anyway, it is believed that when the Spanish Conquistadors came over and made everyone Spanish, they let their little Chinese dogs hump the Indian dog breeds out their heritage, too.

Chihuahuas get their great name because nobody could think of anything else to call these dogs.

“Hey look at the lil’ yipping rat? What should we call it?’

“Well where are we?”

“Chihuahua.”

“Then that is its name.”

The same guy also invented the holiday Cinco De Mayo.

So, this dog’s temperament fits its size. These are territorial yipping quick-to-bite little monsters that should not be around households with small children and ankles.

Now these dogs can be picky eaters, but that comes from being so close to the floor that they get those lil’ gems that have fallen under the refrigerator when you wake up late at night and spill the olives. If you have a houseful of cockroaches, they make great exterminators and you never have to feed them.

Just make sure they don’t get lost in the wall and you have to hear them yipping through the plasterboard.