A Bushman’s Tail.

Some years ago I was in travelling in Australia when the opportunity arose for me and my travelling buddies to do some wildflower picking in “the bush“. For those of you who have never been to Oz and haven’t experienced the bush, it is a landscape like no other; half desert - half jungle, easy to get lost, plenty of poisonous creepy things, man eating crocs, and snakes that will chase you for a mile if you piss them off.

Lucky for us though, we had our very own hardy bushman to guide us safely through these uncharted wastelands. Big Nick was our man and for the length of the 500k trip to our chosen patch of bush he regaled us with tales of daring-do in the outback. This was no picnic. Wildflower exports is big money in Oz and if you are prepared to go bush to find them at source and pick in bulk then the rewards can be great.

Nick gave us the low down as we settled in for our first days picking. He talked us through what to pick and how to pick it, how to bundle up 20-25kg of bunched up tea-tree sprigs and carry it on our shoulders safely through the bush.

The one thing we had all heard about was the dreaded Tiger snake. This is a snake with a deadly venom and attitude to match. Big Nick told us of someone who had run a Tiger snake over, got out of the car to see if there was any damage and got chased down the highway for half a mile by the injured reptile. We were all listening intently as Big Nick told us the bushmans way of avoiding the attentions of the famous Western Australian Tiger snake. “Most important, is DO NOT PANIC” he drawled, nodding slowly and narrowing his sharp blue eyes as he scanned us all for signs of levity. “This is the real thing out here and if you get bit then chances are we’ll be burying you out here, so listen up”. He took us through a mock snake encounter with an old sock standing in for a deadly invertebrate. We all snuck around like ninja once old smelly had been uncovered, sneaking away slowly, scanning the ground as we silently avoided natures wrath by bushmans stealth. We remained dutifully solemn and grateful for the sage advice and training in dealing with lethal hosiery; Big Nick stuck his stubbly chin out and nodded again. We were ready.

We had been in the bush for about two hours and it was time to load up the trailer before driving on a bit more. We all had our bundles on our shoulders as we trailed steadily behind our guide and protector, Big Nick.

Nick put his hand up and we all stopped. We waited, not moving, ready to melt into the bush on command. Suddenly Big Nick leapt into the air letting out a blood curdling shriek. He flung the bundle off his shoulder, grabbed his hat and leapt again shrieking like a madman. We watched in amazement as our mentor vaulted over small bushes in one bound screaming and waving his arms about. He made it about 50 yards before turning around breathlessly to check that nothing was chasing him.

We didn’t ride Big Nick too hard about it. After all there had actually been a Tiger snake a few yards from him. He managed to convince some of us that it was all meant as a decoy to draw the snake away from us, but I am not so sure.

I do know one thing, the sight of our rough and ready bush guide leaping around like a deranged ballerina will remain etched in my memory always. Priceless.

http://wolskii.org/zoe.aspx -picture source