It's that time of year again where we get into the spirit of the season of Peace and Goodwill to all men, and women too of course.

If you belong to a typical family like I do then the only times that you actualy get to see what is left of your family is at weddings, funerals and at Christmas time.

Family reunions always start off in the same way a shake of the hand, a kiss on the cheek a little small talk and finding out what each other has been up to since the last time we all got together.

They always seem to end the same way too, rather abruptly after a bit of rowing and sometimes even fisticuffs.

Each family Christmas brings empty spaces and new faces, great uncle George and Aunt Phyliss passed on to a better place this year and there will be an empty space at the table in respect for each of them and a toast will be offered as a sign that we do not forget them and a tear or 2 will be shed as we remember the good times that we shared with them (usualy at weddings funerals and at Christmas time).

Little Rebecca will be welcomed into the family at only 3 months old she is the precious offspring of Cousin Julie and her husband Kevin  and if you were to listen to them all day you would realise that Rebecca is a gifted child who will be a classical musician or a mathamatician by the time she reaches 2 years old, she is a pretty little thing though so perhaps she will be a supermodel.

We will drink a toast to little Rebecca as the future of our family, welcome her into the world and wish her a prosperous future.

 There is no signal or warning nor even a set time but at some point during the day every woman in the room suddenly rise from their seats as a unit and head for the kitchen to help with the dinner, I have never actually found out what they do in there but a few bottles of wine dissapear with them. 10-15 women in a small kitchen must get in each others way as they cut and slice chop and dice the masterpiece that will be placed on the table for everyone to share.

The men left alone start to come out of their shells, football, politics, women, and sex are discussed in no particular order dirty jokes are shared and the consumption of a truckload of alcohol really gets them into the spirit of Christmas and things begin to liven up a little.

At 2.55 pm the ladies reappear and the room goes silent as the TV is switched on The Queens Christmas Day Speech to the nation is at 3pm and woe betide anyone in my family who doesn't sit quietly to listen to Her Majesty.

After the speech we all head to the dining room For our Christmas Dinner

Christmas Dinner is the beginning of the end of the Family reunion, perhaps it is the amount of alcohol consumed or perhaps it is just the fact that deep down we really hate the ground that each other walks on but what ever it is it has become a family tradition at all family attended occasions that we end the night with a good old fight that will clear the air between us until the next reunion.

Christmas Dinner is a fantastic meal it looks great starting with good old Scotch Broth, then turkey with all the trimmings and chocolate gateau to finish.

But during Christmas dinner People start talking to each other, and raking up past events or making fun of other members of the family and eventually things get a bit heated as tempers flare and fists start flying. strangly though we always finish the dinner pull crackers with each other put on the silly hats read the corny jokes and more importantly drink some more alcohol before the real fighting begins.

The fighting lacks any real malice though and the people involved are often too drunk to cause any real damage to each other, maybe aunt alice will break a fingernail or uncle paul will break wind but apart from the odd ornament that is all that will get broken but when the males of the family start squaring up to each other the females gather their belongings grab their particular man and drag them home away from the mellee, blaming the husbands side of the family who always start it of course "that side of the family are all the same".

The next day all is forgotten as we phone round each other offering our appologies for our silly behaviour and planning to get together soon, knowing it will never happen until next Christmas unless there is a wedding or a funeral to go to.

I love Christmas dont you?