Bad sex can kill a first date. There is nothing worse than dropping $8.95 at Red Lobster only to find out that your date is as sexually stimulating as a the towel isle at Walmart. In today's society there is no excuse for bad sex as there are countless products aimed at improving sex and satisfying both your partner(s) and yourself. Selfish sex has been trademarked by us men so please back off.

Women are sensual. Men could care less about candles, mood lighting, music or your name. A great example of this is showering. Women get the water just right, lay a towel down and slowly draw the curtain back. Gingerly they step in and rinse themselves then apply a scented body wash with a scrunchy followed by several thousand other skin exfoliates, polishers, buffers and tighteners. Between stages they find time to apply the thirteen steps of their hair care program and finally finish off by shaving , moisturizing and closing the shower curtain before drying off. total time: 34.86 minutes.

Only during sex are men aware of their senses. Only during the heat of passion are we actually listening to you and hoping you will say something. It is in the throws of Ecstasy that we appreciate what you wear, or how you smell or how soft your skin is. We hope that you display all of the dramatic sensation here that you do when we accidentally shut your finger in the car door. Over stimulation with little contact keeps our attention on you and not on what we are missing on The Greatest Catch. Appeal to our senses and passion will ignite. Make us feel like pleasing you is actually pleasing us and we will be more apt to contribute to your enjoyment.

Men like to oogle at women and fantasize. We act like we only are attracted to supermodels but the truth is we get turned on by hedges if they have nice curves. Women do not need to look like they just walked off a runway but they should avoid looking like they just finished cleaning the oven. A woman body is beautiful and should be flaunted.

Be verbal, be nasty, be loud. This is the perfect opportunity to call us the names that you hold back when we forget you at the airport. All you have to do is string along some adjective and verbs in front of a noun, we don't care if it makes sense or not. Want to learn what to say? Watch porn like we do. Except for the insertion, everything else about sex is learned. There is no primal instinct that makes us want to cover you in vanilla, it was something we saw in a porno. Go download a few raunchy videos and listen to what the girls say and jot them down. Practice saying them out loud to the dog or cat or postman.

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Smell is the strongest sense. This is why perfume is important almost as much as Summers Eve. We would prefer no smell to bad smell during sex. Many aphrodisiacs produce their effects by traveling through the nose of the intended target. While your Bath and Bodyworks pumpkin candle may make the room smell nice, it is not a scent men associate with sex. Liquid Trust is a spray oxytocin that promotes bonding and releases the neurotransmitters associated with sex. This is important in that you can make him feel like he has already had sex even before he takes off his overalls

It is an age old argument: is the penis too small or the vagina too big? It was long thought that genital size was permanent but an undetered scientist ( most likely with a little penis) in a lab somewhere in Asia began a new sexual revolution which lead to products that closed the gap.

The Kegelmaster is a device that helps a woman tighten her vaginal muscles. If you are too lazy to even exercise them, you can get "The Gripper" The Gripper promises to tighten your vagina for one week, kind of like a time machine back to 1984

See "The Griper" here.