I know the television-producers target younger audiences, but I don't quite know why.

We oldsters are a huge group and have more money, on the whole, than younger people. I keep hearing that and reading it, yet I see younger and younger people on television, in shows with plots that make me yawn.

Give us something. A game show, at least. There must be a game show for geriatrics just waiting to be invented.

Hello! This is Art LeBeck, and welcome to "Retiree!"

I don't think it would be too hard to create a simple game show that would entertain a bunch of people who came of age in the Sixties. Model it after the game shows that were on TV then. They weren't all that sophisticated. Just add a few accessibility features. The large-print game screen could be a nice, soothing shade of green. The contestants would receive an audio feed through earpieces so the host wouldn't have to shout and the buzzers wouldn't have to be turned to mega-volume. And nobody would be expected to stand through the whole game; the contestants would be given their choice of easy chair or geri-chair. Or they could just sit in the audience and use a remote-control game buzzer.

Given the age group involved, the show's writers could use many questions about the Sixties. As the game screen populates, category titles like "Activism Didn't Mean AARP Then," "Long-Haired Hippies--You Bet Your Bippies," and "Beatles, Stones, and Stoned in Beetles" will appear. The contestants will each choose a category in which they profess to be experts and will have to answer all of the questions that pop up. They'll win progressively larger amounts of money with each correct answer. But as somebody who knew what he was talking about once said, "If you can remember Woodstock, you weren't there." Since this might apply to any of the questions in this category, all of the contestants might just end up as dead broke as when the game started.

The rules would be simple (they'd have to be, or all the contestants would need cheat sheets, their bifocals to read them, cleaning cloths to wipe the lenses first, some eyedrops and--oh, could you dim all that bright light a bit, please? It's glaring off the paper.) Art LeBeck will just tell them to everybody before the show starts. 

Okay, folks. Here's Rule #1:: When it's your turn, just answer the question. Some of the topics might bring back a lot of memories, but there won't be time enough for you to talk about the year you spent in a commune or how you learned to play the sitar after George inspired you.

And Rule #2: If you can't hit the buzzer in time, just yell "Joan Baez!"

Here's Rule #3:  No talking among yourselves. We'd have to decide who was responsible for the answer and we don't want to get that involved.

Rule #4: When the game's over, go home. Take this as a metaphor, or not.