I must address a subject that I fear is long over due. One that is touchy! The subject of Mothers and Fathers-in-Law.

I have been married twice, the first time for three years, this time for twenty-three years and I believe I have enough experience to write about the subject.

I have spent my entire married life trying to please my Parents-in-Law. I am sorry to say that no matter how hard I try, It seems that I always fail, my children always dissatisfy, and my husband always disappoints them. We are constantly slapped in the face with their disapproval shown both in their words and deeds.

I have come to discover their standards are simply too high to meet! At least the ones they have set for us.

My purpose in writing this article is to tell Parents-in-Law what kind of damage they do to their children when they mistreat their child's spouse and children. And what kind of damage it does to their relationship with their child and their grandchildren. I do this in the hope that I can prevent this damage from being done to someone else. It is too late for our family.

Dearest Parents-in Law,
You want only the best for your children. You want them to grow into adults who are capable of making choices for themselves. This means you need to let them make those choices.This includes whom they fall in love with and decide to  marry. Life is a learning experience. If they fail at something, then they will learn a lesson from that experience! You can not shelter them and expect them to grow at the same time.

Sometimes the choices they make are not the same ones you would choose for them. They are not supposed to be your choices and you need to wish them happiness and be emotionally supportive of them. That means you do not interfere. You do not instigate, you do not demean the spouse, you do not pass right by that child's house and go onto another child's–play favorite's. You give your love and you let the chips fall where they may.

If your child and their spouse love each other and are happy with their relationship and their life together, do not try and find things wrong that just are not there! Be happy for them! It is okay to be wrong! So you never thought you would like the spouse, you never thought they would change into a person you could like! That does not matter, your child is happy and you may be blinded by something you should have let go of a long time ago!

Do not treat the children of your child's that you don't like the spouse of differently than that of your other children's kid's. Big hint–The kids who are treated differently know! And they do not understand why! It is hard to have to explain to your child, "Honey, I'm sorry but grandma and grandpa have never liked me, they didn't want your dad to marry me so they treat you differently," when your children want to know why grandma and grandpa treats them so differently! Grandparents, it is wrong to put your grandchildren in the middle.

I have thick skin, which is good, because my leather face has been slapped for all of my married life. But my husband is hurt. So I must presume that many children are hurt because of the way their spouse is treated. You place your children in a horrible position, between their spouse and you. This is wrong on so many different levels. If you love your children, as I am sure you do. Please do not do this. I don't know how many times my husband has had that knife in the heart look when he has apologized for his parents behavior towards me and our children. If they could only see that look! He won't show it to them though. He won't even let them know he is upset. I take the hits like a good and loving wife would and keep on going time after time. Because I do love him, respect him and would NEVER disrespect his parents. It is hard to do sometimes, especially when I see my children cry, and my husband in pain. All I can do is cry myself!

If we spouses are so bad, then why are so many of us silent sufferers? Why do we take the hits that keep on coming? It is because we love those children of yours.

Please let us!