Its 6:08 AM; will have my entrance exam at 7:30 AM. A bit nervous but excited the thought of a new focus somehow gave me new hope. A friend said how come you dont have a direction when you’re working, guess she never understood after all the things that am going through. Made me reevaluate the friendship I shared with her, bad as it may seem but the moment she said that it made me see her as someone shallow.

Gave up hope of taking a programming course, maybe that one isnt just for me. I’ve known all along that being practical is whats gonna allow me to survive this dreary reality but being the stubborn person that I am, at a point I cling to the vain hope that my passion would see me through. Well guess not, I dont have plans of staying in the company for years. As of now, waking up has already been such a drag for me, I dread the thought of going to work and taking those call, saying the same spiel over and over seeing people I dont really wanna see, the only reason am staying is coz of the pay (guess that much goes with everyone else) and coz of mom’s condition.

A colleague mentioned to me once that the last date of examination is this week, made up my mind to give it a shot. Otherwise I’ll be stuck and would waste another 6 months. I’ve wasted enough already and its high time to change that. Mom said you’ve missed so many opportunities already coz of me, dont want to be the reason why none of your plans would push through. I assured her she’s not and that everything I did and will do is a matter of choice.

Lets see what have I missed, China last Feb., Palau last May, Maldives last June, and Hong Kong s’posedly this month. But thats bound to change now, way back then mom’s condition discouraged me from working any further on my papers, her encouragement now made me reconsider my other options. Dont want to have another missed opportunity, all along I’ve known there’s nothing in the company for me. My very first team lead asked me to apply for trainor even when I was not a regular yet and way before I got my license, told him will do when I passed the board exams, after I passed the board and was a regular employee, he prompted me again. Told him will do when I have a tenure of one year. I guess he knew all along that I was never interested, he stopped then and there but every now and then would keep on telling me that my license was a waste.

Its not, dont believe in that crap. Its part of who I am and its something I take with me wherever I go, my fallback I should say when all else fails.

Would enroll in Masters of Education - Special Ed. major in Mental Retardation; something I should have done way back when TJ told me bout it. We could’ve been classmates for all I know not that it matters but I envy him he’s probably almost done, oh well no room for regrets here.

This was something Wafa and I planned months ago but being the fickle-minded gals that we are it became another “archived” plan. But now its not at least for me, being the almost married gal that she is, her focus and her priorities has changed. Cant blame her and seeing that she’s happy is all that matters for me.

Now I gotta end this ranting or rambling or whatever … otherwise I’d be late for my exam. Wonder if I’ll pass dont have a clue on what the exam would be like…. heheheh

Goodluck to me!!!!