This is a recipe I developed for myself two years before I met my husband and got married, they are a few lessons I learned following the disappointing break-up of a five-year relationship and what I learned on the single scene.

1. In the beginning there was no sex. God didn’t create people on the first day, so why should you have sex on the first date? Give yourself a chance to get to know each other before you share your bodies. Men, you know damn well that women cannot separate sex & emotions... so STOP playing! Women, why torture yourself? We hold all the cards from the moment we schedule the date & when you give it up, you’re really giving him the upper hand to control the situation, leaving you a clingy, needy, bitch. Rome wasn't built in a day, so don't think for a minute that you've created a relationship on the first date, relationships take time, anything more is just a reflection of your own psychosis. Learn how to play the game if you’re going to subject yourself to a player. Ultimately, the game gets old and at some point you have to step it up & do the right thing. Why would a man step-up when you're giving up the goodies for free? Ever hear of STD’s? Yeah, they suck! Here’s a mental picture: imagine yourself taking a shower and washing your ‘stuff,’ all of a sudden, you notice a little bump. What could it be? An ingrown hair? Genital Warts? Herpes? Your guess is as good as mine! Consider all the possible treatments for this bump. Would you like a laser to remove it or would you prefer some acid? Maybe have it frozen so you could just wonder how long it will take to ‘fall-off’ and just think of where it will end up once it shrivels up and dies-that’s the fun part! Better yet, what if it is herpes? You get to keep those for life. Talk about commitment! Who wants to be the Valtrex girl?

The good news is that some STD's, now called STI's (Sexually Transmitted Infections) are treatable and you will eventually get through it. The bad news is that you could be having sex with some random person and feel completely normal and all of a sudden... you guessed it! You caught something! Your love may not cost a thing, but recovering from an STD, having to deal with it, or catching something that will never go away, could cost you your life. The next time you’re having sex with a stranger, right before you orgasm, think about which STD you’d like to catch that night. Think about the speech that you’ll have to give to let your partner know you got something and they might have it too. How should you start off? How do you set the mood? Start off on the right foot and protect yourself... do not give yourself away easily because you never know what you’ll get in return. Think about all your one night stands... what if your don't know who your baby’s daddy is, or equally as fun, you can always guess who you got that STI from.There are some STD's/STI's that you can still catch with the use of a condom, do a little research, even if you don't think so, I think you're worth it!

2. Never stop talking! When the conversation slows down, so will the potency of your relationship. To endure good strong roots for your family tree... share as much with your new ‘friend’ as possible, just limit the nasty details. Conversation is what clears the vision in your loved one’s eyes to truly enlighten their soul, and gives them the opportunity to see the REAL you. There is nothing better then being able to tell your partner anything and everything, but make sure they are sharing as much as you are. Secrets only lead to mistrust and they can never be kept, one way or another... it WILL come out. If there is no trust your seed of love will not grow with good strong roots, thus, there is no room for growth in this relationship. You should know the basics and some of the complexities about this person before any commitments are decided. I would say that 3 months of conversation and activities would give you both plenty of time to get to know each other. I wouldn’t meet their friends or family members just yet; that will come later.

Even though you won’t be meeting any of your new beau’s family and friends, make sure you know as much as possible about them before you meet them later. All the little facts and funny stories will come in useful when you’re trying to be yourself and impress them because it gives you a sense of how important they are to your new mate and it gives you a heads up on their different personalities. Make sure your beau doesn’t have any unresolved issues with anyone before being introduced, that will only lead to an awkward moment. Also, it is wise to give, and get, a few details about the people in their lives, as they say when you marry someone... you’re marrying their family. As for their friends, you have to get along with them because the really important ones are never going to go away. If you’re going to bring him/her around your friends, use caution when you introduce them to someone with whom you’ve previously had an interest or sexual encounter... you have two options, don't mention it and make sure everyone you know is on the same page OR confess your sins sweetheart! For the record, I would suggest cutting those people out of your life, they will only bring uneasiness to your relationship and you don't want the new person in your life to think you might run-off and do something with an old flame. Avoid digging up the past, you're not an archaeologist digging up the remnants of your dating past. Sometimes, honesty is the best policy, no matter how much it hurts, but other times, it's best to leave things in the past so they don't stir up any emotional garbage. Being honest does allow your partner to have the choice of either walking away or sticking it out. Now if you’re the one that has to stick it out, then make sure you don’t throw that in your partner’s face later... when it came out of the closet, that was your opportunity to split!

Things they don't need to know about you:

1. The exact number of people you've slept with
2. What a whore-bag you used to be
3. Your first grade teacher's name
4. What STD's your friends have/had
5. Everything there is to know about your ex-lovers and why it ended.
6. How many times you've cheated or been cheated on

The reason they don't need to know these things is either because it is irrelevant to your relationship or personality, OR it can be used as ammo to be used against you. If they ask about any of these personal questions, plead the fifth or give a vague answer.

3. Be yourself even when you’re with someone else. Do not allow yourself to get sucked in to transforming into what you think the other person wants you to be. Continue hanging-out with your family and friends like normal, as though you’re not seeing anyone in particular. You don’t want to blab to the world you found Mr. or Mrs. Right until you know for sure, and be absolutely sure. You don;t want to bring random people around your circle, especially around family and the young ones that look up to you. Men, if you’re into sports, keep it up, I always encourage both parties to continue exercising and staying in shape. Don’t get too comfortable because once you gain weight and get all depressed about it, it will only make you insecure in the relationship. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about! You should always strive to look your best when you're TOGETHER, or NOT. If your thing is going to the gym then do it. Ladies, if your man likes to play video games, let him. “Idle hands are the devil’s tools.” Personally, I’d rather have my man at home playing video games then up some chick’s skirt because he’s pissed at me for nagging him about his stupid games. At the same time, fellas... you really have to have some sense of control of how many countless hours you spend on that thing! When we’re nagging, its just because we miss you and need your intimacy and attention, take a break and break her off!

Women, not only should you let him play his video games, you should also let him watch sports on TV. If you don’t like it, get another TV and watch your shows there or us that time to do the things you enjoy doing. Compromising is important to avoid petty fights over what to watch on TV and other dumb stuff. Men like to escape into video games and sports, so we should use the same time to do our own thing, get your hair, feet and nails done. Maybe even pick up your niece, nephew, or God-child to spend some quality time together. Lay-out in the sun, go to Starbucks and have a latte and read a good book. Basically... let him do what he likes to do and you can just do YOU!

If you have kids, use this time to bond with them one on one, take them out somewhere. Fathers, be sure to bond with your kids during your free-times as well, you should want you daughter to be your little cheerleader and your son can learn how to be a good guy. Remember, keep your own identity.

4. Keep it Bonnie & Clyde Style. When you’re in a relationship, you’re in it together till the very end. That’s the way its supposed to be anyway. Keep in mind, it doesn’t really matter how things LOOK, it’s how they really ARE that matters. Don’t have a phony relationship because it will only end in disaster. Be real with each other. Be gangster about it! The one thing I admire most about gangsters is their loyalty to one another, always having one another’s back, having a sense of security and knowing that some else is looking out for you. Everyone needs someone they can depend on, no be co-dependent on. Actions definitely speak louder then words, and as Ice Cube put it... “don’t talk about it, be about it...” You have to be willing to ride or die with your partner. When it really comes down to it, you will not only have a loyal partner, but a life long one at that. Not only did Bonnie and Clyde go out with a bang, they went out together.

In a good relationship you will go together like peanut butter and jelly. I don’t condone substance abuse, but if you want the relationship to be satisfying, you have to be into the same things. If you have to sneak around to get high, then you should be ashamed of yourself. You should be able to do your own business in front of your partner instead of being snakelike. Being yourself means you can be yourself in their presence; if you’re a stoner, I suggest you get with another stoner. If you smoke cigarettes, get with another chain smoker. If you know you have a problem and need help, get it before you get into a relationship because you don't want anyone that has to go through the twelve-step process with you, it's something you need to get through on your own because they are your demons to fight, no one can fix it or make it better except you. It is not fair to bring someone else down just because you got issues!

5. If you have children, you should lead by example. Teach your children how to be supportive to one another and to take care of each other. They shouldn’t gang up on each other or tattle unless it’s a life or death situation (i.e. drugs, sex, crimes, etc.). Make sure you teach them honesty and respect. Do not hit each other in front of them. Its ok to disagree, but to get physical and break things or hit each other is not ok. If you hit your partner, you are teaching your kids that its ok to hit or be hit in a relationship. In the same respect, you should not disrespect or verbally abuse your partner in front of them or at all. I do not condone drug use in front of or around children.

If your daughter grows up watching her father hit her mother, then they make up, but they smack each other around all the time, she will think it's ok to be hit by her future boyfriends or stay clear of them. If your son witnesses the same behavior, he will either grow up demeaning women or have empathy for his mother and never lay a finger on a woman. The truth is, it is all in their perception of your example as a parent.

6. If you feel like you have spent too much time together, put them on ICE! A friend of mine taught me this concept of how a woman can keep a guy on his toes. If the chick is always readily available to the man she is making herself too predictable, and may earn herself the title of "old reliable." If you don't want to be a bootie call, make him wait! Tell him you're going out with your girlfriends or having dinner with your family, and tell him YOU will call him back (but don't). The longer you wait, the more likely he will call you again, and you can say you've been busy with work or school, but that you miss him and you'll give him a call back when you're not so busy. He will probably call you again, but try to call him before he calls you. This has worked for me a million times! I used to always drop everything when a guy called just so I can get some action until my good friend told me this little secret. I used it in my husband and it only made him want me more! The longer they have to wait, the more they want you all to themselves.

7. Keep the romance in full swing. Men tend to butter us up in the beginning, they give flowers, sing songs, write poems, give us cute little greeting cards or presents, and take us to romantic dinners or getaways. Women tend to give too much too soon, we do the card thing, we make them dinner, we start doing little chores around their house, we baby them when they're sick, and before you know it, we are their mother-maid-nurse-lover girlfriend instead of their wife. Women are so nurturing and giving, that is just our human nature, but men, men will milk it until we feel so unappreciated that we leave them! Trust me, that stuff gets old! What is the point of doing all that work for a man if he isn't willing to commit to a relationship or marriage? Men, you already know that if she is willing to do all that without a ring, you don't want it to stop when she finally gets one. Most of the time men take us for granted, they get so used to all the little things we do that they don't realize how much we're putting our whole little hearts into them. The only advice I have for the women is to give it to them in small doses, not all at once, and not ALL the time. Men, if you see that your woman is taking care of you, appreciate it, because when she gets up and leaves you, ya might not find anyone who will take care of you like that the next time around so remember to say thank you and do special things for her in return. Ladies and Gentlemen: Don't be GREEDY or SPOILED!