Job searching is torturous; the unemployed play the role of the slaves and the employer the role of the white man. What’s wrong with these employers? They run around in sweat pants and a shirt with a mustard stain and they think they are better than you because they actually have a job. You stupid motherfrs. I run around for ya for 3 weeks waiting for a phone call, I get an interview, then I get to wait for another phone call and another interview. 4 fu**ing times I do this, answering your dumb questions like…

 Have you ever stolen from your employer?

 Even if I had why the hell would I admit to that you stupid b*tch!

Why did you choose our company?

Um... because you were hiring.

 Do you prefer working by yourself or with a team?

I don’t fu**ing care give me a fu**ing job!

And the most asked question…

Why do you feel you are the best for the job?

Because, you stupid wh*re, I’m fucking good so just give me the damb job and I’ll show you.

Then I have to take a fu**ing personality test. WTF! Answering even more dumb questions.

Have you ever been drunk at work?

Really? I should slap whoever made this question for being a dumb b*tch. Yeah, I like to have a few shots of Tequila before I go to work. It would make looking at your stupid face a lot easier right now though.

So, after all that in my 4^th and last interview they have concerns because my personality test showed that money did not motivate me. I mean come on! You’re telling me that you are so stupid that you need someone to flaunt money at you to fu**ing get you to do something you lazy bi*ch. Is that how your husband gets you to f*ck him? Maybe he should pay you to workout you fat wh*re. Come on! If you want someone to be motivated by money why don’t you just get a fu**ing prostitute? Idiot!

So, another employer has me drive 20 minutes to take a piss test and I don’t even have the fu**ing job yet. What is wrong with you? You just wasted not only my fu**ing gas but my fu**ing time.

So I piss on the f’n cup and I have to carry this open container of piss to the lazy lab lady who has me practically do everything. What happened to just piss on a cup, put a lid on it and move on. Nope, I have to date and sign the piss, and then I have to walk to the bathroom again with the open piss container and pour it out. How about you do this lab lady, you’re the one getting paid you lazy b*tch. I don’t even like looking at my own poop why the fuck do I want to walk around with my piss at hand?

So, after this there is still a possibility of not getting the job. I fu**ing run around for ya like a puppet and and I might just get shit out of it. F*ck you!

How about I charge you for the gas I spend running around for your fucking interviews, the time I spend sitting around the office waiting for you to fucking call my name, and the time I spend waiting for a call with your response. How about that?

How about If I don’t get the job I charge you extra for making me do research on your b*tch ass company and for every time you ask a dumb ass question and make me act like I’m fu**ing interested in you.  How about that? I bet you would hire me then, huh?

I mean don’t get me wrong I understand that you want to make sure you hire the right people because you invest money on their training but there’s a fucking line and you can take it way too far. These people have no fucking sense.

Stop wasting my time and I salute you by pulling down my pants and showing you my pretty ass, followed by my middle finger.