“Why don’t you just transfer me to someone else, that’s all you’re good for.”

“I’m doing my best ma’am, you have a very extensive billing history, this will just take a moment longer.”

Hit mute. “Stupid fucking bitch, go fuck yourself!”

“Yes ma’am, I’m still here, just looking to see where the charge originated. Okay, I think I’ve found it!”

“You can think??? I’m impressed!”

“With all due respect ma’am, I can do without the sarcasm.”

“Let me speak to your manager.”

“I can help you with any inquiries or requests you have.”

“I want to speak to your manager...now!”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible, ma’am.”

“Transfer me to your manager, what did you say your name was? Robert?”

Hit mute. “Fuck, fuck, fuck...”

“I cannot transfer you to my manager, I can help you with any request you have.”

“Excuse me, I’m a customer and I want to talk to a manager or a supervisor!”

“I don’t have a supervisor, ma’am.”

“What?!?! So, you’re telling me that no one is in charge there??? You’re telling me that you don’t have a supervisor??? That’s bullshit! Transfer me now!”

“Ma’am, as I’ve explained, I cannot transfer you to a supervisor, I am responsible for this call and I will help you with anything that you request. I’ve found the error in your bill for September and I’ve given you a credit that will show up on your next bill. Is there anything else that I can help you with today?”

“Yes! I want to speak to your manager or whoever is in charge there, there must be someone in charge, a supervisor, a manager, someone with more authority! You’ve been rude, slow and I’m not at all impressed with the level of service that I’ve received from you, that after waiting ten minutes on hold and having to put up with that damn automated phone system! Find me a manager now!!!”

Hit mute. It looks nice out tonight, late summer, love it.

“May I put you on hold for a moment, ma’am and I’ll see if I can find someone to speak with you.”

“That would be fine. I thought you said you don’t have a supervisor though!”

“Yes, ma’am, please hold.”

Hit mute. No sense running up my call time. Now she’s complaining to her husband about me, is that all she can do, whine and bitch?? Sounds like they’re watching The Price Is Right or some game show on TV. What the hell.

“Ma’am, I was unable to find a supervisor for you as this is the evening shift. However, I can offer you a great deal on a theme pack that offers classic TV shows, movies and nature shows!”

“What!!! Are you really that stupid??? Do you think I’m that stupid??? You get your supervisor on the phone now or I’ll cancel my entire account!!!”

“Yes ma’am, may I place you hold again?”

“Yes!!!”

Put her on hold. Fuck this. Add three extra theme packs to her account, document it as being per client’s request. Hang up on bitch, make her go through system again. Take off headset, pack my stuff up in backpack, grab my jacket, leave swipe card and headset on Richard’s desk, hit the big red button to open the door, down three flights of escalators, grin and wave to Mohammed the security guard and out the door.

Free.

Again.

The headset buzzes.

“Thank you for calling Bell TV, my name is Robert, how may I help you today?”