Are Men Provoked to Domestic Violence
80Domestic Violence - Does Women Provoke Men to Brutal Force
Domestic Violence - Does Women Provoke Men to Brutal Force is a take from a young woman's answer to the brutal relationship between Rihanna and Chris Brown. For that reason, the article is written as an answer to a comment and the woman's name has been omitted.
Thank your real and honest answer about the Rihanna and Chris Brown domestic violence situation. Until the court case is made public, It has not been determined if Rihanna made the first physical move on Chris. But if she did make the first move, that is not a reason for a man to hit a woman. By the look of the photo, however, it seemed like Chris Brown used most of the brute force and walked away without a stratch. All Rihanna left as damage to him is her bloody stains on the inside of his sports car and notoriety to his now infamous singing career.
A man should never strike a woman and a man should show self control if tempted to react to disapproval of a woman's words or actions. A woman should not have to walk on eggshells in the fear of "provoking" a man. A smart woman however would not provoke a man if she knows that he has a tendency towards violence. A smart woman would walk away from the relationship without looking back for her personal safety and social well-being.
The relationship sustained by violence should be ended because no man should put his hands on a woman in a brutal way. If you are in such a relationship and rationize that he only "hits me" when he is intoxicated, you need a wake up call. If a man hits you, he does not love you. You do not hurt someone who you love, under no circumstances. Have you ever seen a man purchase a bright shiny red sports car and then take it home only to damage it in a violent torrid of breaking windshields and denting its beautiful body. Men do not battle with who they are in love with because it just would not make sense.
The Rihanna and Chris Brown case was emotionally charged and as in most of these instances, the man did the most damage. The nature of a woman is to show anger but not in a violent way. Women are basically nuturing and men who are protectors may get carried away with their brute strength. Sometimes these men are more protective of their egos or opinions and show their protection of self with violence towards their women.
The woman who had her face redone was shot in the face by her husband. Another woman face was burned when her husband lit her up in a convenience store. Both women kept their lives but they will never look the same before the offenses by their husbands. Are you saying that these mens' actions were warranted because they may have been provoked?
These are real cases and you seem to be promoting these actions because it "must have been the woman's fault." You need to know that everything is not cause and effect. There is always the choice for the man or for both the man and the womanto walk away from an explosive argument or turbulent disagreement before physical altercations set in.
Man is the stronger of the two sexes physically and women should not have to tell their daughters to stifle what they say because their husbands may shoot them in the face or light them up.Young girls should be informed that the first time a man hits them is the first time that they leave the relationship. Only really sick women would stay in a relationship that is riddled with violence and brutality and they need professional counseling.
You are real and honest with your comments and in your honesty about feeling that it is "real" for a man show violence to women, it is hoped that you rethink your stance about violence from men. You tone down your realness about your take on violence against women because your approach seem to promote violence if provoked.. Your statement says that you will accept such actions because somehow "it was your fault." Are you smart enough not to anger a man with violent tendencies and smart enough to say "Oh, I should not have provoked him." Come on, a man's character is determined and based on how he treats women. The element of self control is most attractive on a man when he restrains himself from reacting with violence.
The old adage is true that men who treat their mothers with love will most likely make good husbands or boyfriends. It has been disclosed that Chris Brown has experienced violence against his mother and may think, like you, that his actions are okay. Violent behavior is a part of his history and since he has experienced seeing his mother victimized, why not share the experience with Rihanna. The logic does not make sense. What makes sense is that Rihanna and Chris Brown both should get professional counseling. Rihanna needs counseling for accepting such behavior as the norm and accepting him back as a friend. Chris Brown should be counseled to get over the experience he had of seeing his mother a victim of domestic violence.
Men should have the self control to walk away or solve the disagreement in other ways other than brute force.
Under no circumstances ever should a man strike a woman, ever.
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Comments
And women should not physically abuse men as that does happen as well, but men it happens to often keep quiet as it is embarassing for them.
Hawkesdream, thank you for your comment. The responder seem to be okaying the offense if provoked and I totally disagree.
Cindy, abuse should not be in a relationship at all from the viewpoint of the man or the woman. More often than not, the man will not put up with the abuse and will move on to another woman. Women, however, tend to be softer and more forgiving putting them more at risk for danger. Men usually suffer from abuse after the woman has "taken" so much and do not see a way out. The only instances known of a man being abused is when he was asleep because that way the odds are a little more even. I also know of a christian wife whose pastor husband had her to perform sexual acts that she did not want to do. I do not condone any abuse from women or men but in that particular case, she took the ultimate from him.
Women should not ever strike a man either, a woman should show self control as well...If Domestic Violence laws are ever to be fair, they need to be structured by looking at the entire picture not just taking away a man's rights because he is being accused of battering. Every situation is a special one and I'm not siding with anyone in the above case study but it does take two to tango/tangle.
joncotle, it takes two to tango but more often than not the man has the strength and the provocation most of the time to do damage to a woman. A lot of time two are not doing the tango, he is playing his drums on her as she is trying to get away or afraid to leave for fear of being harmed more.
I agree with everything you said, and you said it in such a profound way that sometimes it makes you wonder if women don't abuse the Domestic Violence Act. They know if they report if it is automatic 24-48 hours depending on where you live and what day of the he is picked up. If it is friday he has to spend the weekend in jail, no bond. Now I am very aware that there are women who are in domestic Violent relationships but the law should not be taken advantage of. Great Hub
dori
Thank you fortunerep for you comment. The detailed information about the Domestic Violence Act is appreciated and anyone involved in a relationship of such should heed the time limit to report the incidence.
If you have done charity work for an organization of this sort or any hubber who have knowledge of the toll free number related to domestic violence against women, the number will be appreciated and posted here.
Domestic violence is an act that restricts women's freedom and can cause severe emotional consequences. Most of these women have no where to go or are afraid to leave the abusive relationship for fear of the reciprocal action of their abuser.
One person as a liason can make a difference to let these women know that someone cares about the treatment of them at the hands of a husband or a boyfriend. If there is a shelter hotline for abused women in domestic violence relationship, that toll free number will be appreciated as well.
Women are caring and nuturing human beings and should not have to succumb to the anger sometimes daily of another. Please help if you can with the requested toll free numbers.
Thank you fortunerep for you comment. The detailed information about the Domestic Violence Act is appreciated and anyone involved in a relationship of such should heed the time limit to report the incidence. If you have done charity work for an organization of this sort or any hubber who have knowledge of the toll free number related to domestic violence against women, the number will be appreciated and posted here. Domestic violence is an act that restricts women's freedom and can cause severe emotional consequences. Most of these women have no where to go or are afraid to leave the abusive relationship for fear of the reciprocal action of their abuser. One person as a liason can make a difference to let these women know that someone cares about the treatment of them at the hands of a husband or a boyfriend. If there is a shelter hotline for abused women in domestic violence relationship, that toll free number will be appreciated as well. Women are caring and nuturing human beings and should not have to succumb to the anger sometimes daily of another. Please help if you can with the requested toll free numbers.
I had a friend that was killed by a shotgun blast (to the face) from a lover who she was breaking up with. Though it had been years since I had seen her, I had a flashback to her days when I was around her most. My first thought was, "I am not really surprised." I was totally shocked at that thought, but in my subconscience, I think something must have registered. She seemed to push her men to the limits, so yes, I guess that it can happen that some women provoke their men. However, this is a very sick relationship and a man who is not typically an abuser should get out fast. Provoked or not, it is never, ever okay to hit a woman.
Connie, thank you for your comment. I agree with you that it is never okay for a man to hit a woman regardless of the provocation. I do not think that the man should get out of the relationship to avoid hitting the woman because I think that men should show self control knowing that he is the stronger of the two.
I think that the relationship should be dissolved immediately because obviously the couple is not compatible and more often than not verbal disagreements preceded any physical abuse. I think that it is the responsibility of the woman to get out of the abusive relationship. As long as the abused woman stays in the relationship, she is in fact agreeing to the abusive treatment that he is giving her.
If a man hit you once, it is a known fact that he will hit you again. That fact is most prevalent in the movie "Enough" in which Jennifer Lopez starred. She was in an abusive relationship with a rich man and had a child. She ran away with her child and the abuser followed her. One day, she got tired of running with her daughter and changing into different disguises.
Jennifer Lopez decided to confront her abusive husband and to be the hunter instead of the hunted her by taking courses in self-defense. The instructor told her that if ever her abuser get her down physically, that he would not stop. Jennifer Lopez with the bravery that I would not recommend, confronted her abusive husband in the movie "Enough" without a weapon but with the training of a martial arts instructor.
Jennifer Lopez was successful in getting him to fall as she surprised him and was about to "do him in" but thoughts that he was her daughter's father got to her and she just could not do it. The abusive husband physically got back up from the fight and this time Jennifer Lopez was almost knocked unconscious. The thought of her instructor came to her thoughts in her semi conscious knocked out state: "When he see that you are down he will surely kick you."
The martial arts instructor words resonated with Jennifer Lopez and gave her the courage to get up as the abusive husband was about to "do her in" wihout a second thought. Jennifer Lopez mustered the strength and got up ducking and dodging until the abuser was weakened. Another thing that Jennifer Lopez had learned in martial artis is that a person weakens faster from missing punches than from delivering punches. Jennifer Lopez was intent on making sure that those strong blows did not land on her although fit body. In the movie "Enough" Jennifer Lopez won that battle against her abusive husband but readers should be aware that this episode was only a movie. The paramedics and the police was called as her girlfriend had been notified of the intent. The abusive husband and Jennifer Lopez's nightmare was driven away out of her life with the authorities.
In real life, do not confront your abusive husband or boyfriend regardless of any martial arts training or how fit you think you are. Men are stronger physically and will always be stronger, that is just the nature of man. The best thing to do to get out of an abusive relationship and get guidance from an agency that has the purpose of providing shelter until you can get back on your feet.
You are the only one that can make that decision. Most of the time an abusive husband or boyfriend will treat you like a possession or piece of meat and more often than not will isolate you from your friends and family members. That way he can keep you in his cave of abuse with self-depreciating thoughts if you depend on him as an attribute of your self-identification.
You must be the one to seek help. The woman who got shot in her face was like an accident waiting to happen. The abusive person was not going to help her because now he was in the habit of sounding off on her physcially for whatever reason. Who was going to stop him?
That is why if it is important to seek help from organizations who has a purpose of helping abused women. If you know that a man is provoked if you for example do not keep the house clean. Then by all means keep the house clean but then try whatever way you can possible to get out the relationship. If he is in a habit of physically abusing you, then he will find another reason to let out his frustrations and anger on you.
Do not continue to be a victim when there is a way out with a call to the nearest toll free domestice abuse hotline. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Help is available to callers 24 hours a day 365 days a week.
yes - my comment is short, but to the point.
sarmack, thank you for your comment. The question about provocation was not meant to be an open ended question. Your discussion of your answer will be appreciated but I am satisfied you answered the question.
I have a question.
Everyone knows that a man is generally stronger than a woman.
But what if a woman were to attack the man with a more damaging weapon, such as a bat. He does one thing wrong, and it doesn't have to be anything big as cheating on her. Say he actually wins an argument against her (boy don't we guys wish for that to happen).
And on top of that, he's actually faithful, because truth be told not all guys are cheating, lying dogs. Girls who think that have been going for the wrong guys from the start.
But yeah, does a woman have any reason to hit a man like the one I described? She can't do it for self-defense, because SHE'S the aggressor in this scenario.
Does she have any reason to hit a man for any reason if it's not something to warrant self-defense?
And is she even right for destroying property such as his car if he DID cheat?
Because with things as they are now, this gender bias seems to be twisting things out of hand. If anything, abuse is abuse, and the offender, MAN or WOMAN should be equally punished to the full extent of the law depending on they're actions.
Kendal, thank you for your comment. I agree with you on one statement that abuse is abuse. However if a woman tries to even the odds of strength with physical weakness with a bat or other object, she probably has taken more then enough. Women can be provoked too but the events are switched in that she probably has taken a lot and just do not want to take anymore.
Women who have reached this plateau should not result to violence either and should get out of the abusive relationship. There are shelters set up to protect women and protection is what they should seek instead of trying to fight brute with brute. The odds are against them and it is best to use intelligence and do the right thing and that is to walk away to a new and better life without the physical abuse.
I don't think you answered my question well enough, Linda.
See I'm really concerned more with the double standard of men and women.
I a man who doesn't take too kindly to another man hitting a girl, however I also don't take too kindly of a woman who thinks she has every right and reason to harm a man.
Everyone is entitled to self-defense, but it seems that a man can't do anything to protect himself if the woman just so happens to be the aggressor and the man the victim.
Society treats the man as a brute, even if he was trying to protect himself from a woman coming at him with a bat, and that's really taking things in the wrong direction. The guy can't so much as put his hands on her if she were threatening him, as she can go around and pull the abuse card on him when, in truth, he only did what he could to save his life. If he's by himself against a dangerous woman threatening to do harm to him, yet he can't so much as defend himself from bodily harm without her turning tables even more...what CAN he do.
Statistics have shown that while well over 1.5 million women have been abused by men, around 900,000 men have been abused by women. And yet domestic violence is treated more as a woman thing, don't you think?
A man shouldn't hurt a woman just because she hurt his ego. But that doesn't mean he can't do anything to protect himself when a woman is threatening to zero in and smash his face with a weapon.
It just doesn't work that way, no matter which sex is in danger.
Kendal, thank you for your response. The law is lenient with women because of the propenity of men in a relationship to speak with physical force rather than to talk it out or to just walk away. Everyone has the right to defend themselves and if a man is attacked by a woman with a bat, he has the right to defend himself.
However such a case like that is not the norm as the stresses of the world seem to fall on men and they in turn may bring the results home in a form of domestic violence. The provocation of violence is such an issue with women because most of them think that there is no way out. They are fearful of another trait of most men and that is the trait of possessiveness. If they seek protection, they may seek them out and if children are involved, the problem is magnified.
You quote statistically and your research is appreciated but you are not likely to hear about a shelter for battered men because society of norms is not set up like that. Women as the weaker and gentler sex more often than not are unjustly chastised even though they are adults if they say or do something that upsets the man in their relationship. And Kendal, most of these women are not battling their men with bats as they hide in a corner for protection without anything to protect them except themselves.
The situation can only be improved if more women stand up and independently seek help from the many public agencies available to them.
"The law is lenient with women because of the propenity of men in a relationship to speak with physical force rather than to talk it out or to just walk away."
I can understand that men tend to strike with their fist first than talk, but I just find it a bit ridiculous how the law treats women when the Aggressor/Victim role is switched and she get out with a much lenient sentence should she shoot someone than a man who would do the same.
I'm just a bit fierce on the whole "Sexual Equality" debate. Basically, if you cause bodily harm to someone, you're punished to the extent the law allows, regardless if you're a man or a woman.
"Women as the weaker and gentler sex more often than not are unjustly chastised even though they are adults if they say or do something that upsets the man in their relationship."
Now I'd argue that women are the gentler sex than I would the weaker sex, because nowadays women are just as aggressive as men are. I'd say they're even MORE aggressive than men on the count that men get the much more severe punishment than women do.
I've looked at a lot of statistic on teen dating violence, and most of the results indicate that girls are a lot more physically aggressive and violent that guys are by a 3 percent margin.
Women are the weaker sex, that's true. But they are far from gentle. They can be just as violent as a guy can, the only difference is how they do it.
For the guys, they're instinctively ready to strike with the most ready object available, which is they're fist.
Women on the other hand make up their lack of size with use of weapons to throw and to surprise the man.
Women need to stand up for themselves. However, the things regarding the law are puting things on the inverse than it is at equalizing it.
"And Kendal, most of these women are not battling their men with bats as they hide in a corner for protection without anything to protect them except themselves."
Well then those aren't the women I was talking about, silly. :P
I was switching the roles of the aggressor (which was the woman) and the victim (which was the man).
Besides, I knew that they're not fighting with bats. I was trying to break your logic when you said...
"Under no circumstances ever should a man strike a woman, ever."
...and brought out a scenario where the man just might need to something to save his life if he were the one in danger while the woman was the one purposely trying to take his life.
I get a little raged over comments like those, as I view them almost as sexist as a man saying that a woman belongs in the house. :D
Kendal, thank you for your response and for your reflections on my answer.
Your welcome! :D
Hawkesdream says:
6 months ago
A very powerful and accurate response, Linda. I quite agree with you, under no circumstances can a man justify violence toward a woman.
No circumstance whatsoever.