My grandma passed away early this year.  I wasn't there with her when her time came!!  Oh, how I regret that - not being beside her to say a last goodbye, to speak to her to my heart's content, to care for her during her last days.  I wish I had known her time was coming, but alas you never know until the time comes!!  She was old and had her usual medical problems, but they always resolved and I stayed far from her, so always assumed that it is one of those things related to old age. How would I have known that this was different?  How I wish I'd somehow known this was different!  My grandfather passed away in similar circumstances - quite suddenly!!  I hadn't seen him in some years. He used to ask about me to my mom and dad when they visited him.  I always thought I'd make it to see him the next year, but that next year never came!!  Its a regret I've always had. Now, much the same thing had happened with my grandma. How cruel life is sometimes. It doesn't give second chances!!  But then, we take things for granted too - don't we?

My grandma was a very loving woman. I didn't meet her often. We stayed quite a distance away from them, but I'd meet her once a year and spend a month or two at her place. The moments I've spent at my grandma's were the most memorable ones of my life. I still remember them fondly. Grandma's just love you so much more - my grandmother sure did! My parents were very loving and caring, but my grandma was that much more to me. She was so doting and caring and nurturing. She was a strong woman - the woman I adored the most!!

Though I regret not being there with her during her last days, I do feel fortunate that I was able to share my joy of having my own little daughter with her. She was alive to see her grand-daughter and it was one of the happiest moments of my life to be able to have my grandma hold my little baby girl. Though I wish she had lived longer and seen my daughter grow up, I am happy she was there to share in my happiest moment and see her grandchild. She had started forgetting things and people, but she remembered me. I just felt so close to her!!

It is sad that as we grow older, we lose connection with our loved ones. I wish I could have done so many things differently in hindsight. I wonder if I could have taken the news of her not keeping well seriously and not dismissed it as one of the usual illness old age brings. Although, I miss her greatly and know would feel a sense of emptiness the next time I visit her place, I feel proud of her too - for the way she lived, the way she brought up her kids, for the way she loved us - her grandchildren!!

The love of a grandma is unique. God must have given grandmothers to us to liven up our lives, to make our lives more complete, to make us well rounded and better human beings. The love of a grandma is unconditional, unselfish, unending. I loved my grandma when she was alive and would love her as long as I live!!  I forget sometimes, but I try to remember all that she taught me. I would always miss her. With her passing, I've lost a piece of my existence!!

Love you grandma - You truly were a special, special woman!  You may have passed on, but your memories would always live on within me.  I am sure we'd meet some day in another world!!!