A Woman's Guide To Finding Self-Esteem
76LOW SELF ESTEEM AN EPIDEMIC
The day that you can look in the mirror and be happy with what you see, is the day that will set you free. Let's face it too often we are our own worse enemies, zoning in on our flaws, comparing ourselves to others, imagining how much better we will feel if we can only change a certain part of our bodies to what we envision is the ideal image. Often we are our worst critics, as we tend to see ourselves in a exaggerated sense opposed to how the rest of the world actually sees us. Fussing over our thighs, the size of our breasts, the not so tight skin of our abs, the shape of our nose, is a common trait in a majority of women, ranging from mild obsessions to much more serious obsessions such as major eating disorders. Poor self-esteem is a poor foundation to build the framework of our lives upon. Until we can feel happy and content with how we see ourselves, we will never reach that place where we deserve to be.
- Here are some simple truths to wake us up to the illusions that we have carried for so long;
1. THE REALITY THAT STARS ARE NOT PERFECT
Women constantly look towards the media, and often use the beauty of celebrities, to form an image inside their heads as to how the perfect woman should appear to look. Gazing at beautiful women inside the covers of women's magazines, watching gorgeous actresses grace the silver screen, can seem quite daunting at times to the average woman of the world. "If only I looked like that." The media purposely uses this world of 'so-called' perfection, to its full advantage knowing too well the effect these images have upon the public eye.
However even 'magic can be an illusion' and we need to remember that. Stars are polished, powdered, shined, buffed all to create the perfect illusion to sell movies, cars, clothes, diamonds, everything from A to Z in the modern world. Without makeup a lot of stars are ordinary looking women, many with less than perfect complexions, less than perfect bodies than what is portrayed in the world of the competitive media. Every picture that appears in glossy magazines must be edited, smoothed, to hide the wrinkles, acne, varicose veins, yellowing teeth that they don't desire us to see. With surplus money to throw away, they are nipped,cut, surgically enhanced by the finest surgeons in the world at their feet. 'What you see is so often far from what is real'.
2. THE REALITY THAT TRUE BEAUTY DOES NOT EXIST IN LOOKS ALONE
Beauty on the surface fades away with the hands of time where-as true beauty deep inside, remains for all eternity. Have you not heard the expression that even if a woman is truly beautiful on the outside, but her spirit is ugly, she therefore becomes ugly even on the outside?. We have to realise that if anything must be changed, it must first come from within. The way we see ourselves rests heavily upon a positive mind, which is the strongest asset we possess, to perceive the unique special person we really are. Men are attracted to strong confident women, it is a well known fact. Beauty alone can rarely hold someone's attention for long periods of time nor can it compensate for weak attributes that exist inside. Forget about changing what you see on the outside, until you change what is on the inside, or the outer will never be enough to satisty you.
3. THE REALITY YOU CAN EITHER BE A POOR VERSION OF SOME-ONE ELSE OR A RICH VERSION OF YOURSELF
"Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have"......
Let's face it you can never be some-one else, nor would you really want to be, as then you are robbing yourself of who you were born to be. It is so true that it is impossible to fully love some-one else until you love yourself for who you are. When you feel good about yourself, and embrace your self worth, it is so much harder for others to knock you down, push you around, hurt you with their words, as you are able to stand up for yourself, shrug off the criticisms, walk away from some-thing that is hurting you, simply by believing in yourself. Look at yourself as often as you can in front of a mirror, not at your body, but directly into your eyes,and tell yourself that you are worthy, beautiful, deserving, exactly as you are. Start to feel it, think it and believe it. Realise that in this world there is no-one exactly the same as you, appreciate the fact that you are unique upon this Earth. No-one can change the way you see yourself but you. When you have high self esteem, a positive mind, your life changes for the better drastically. Remember there is always some-one to love you for who you are, you don't have to mould yourself to some-one's ideal. If you believe in yourself then those around you will believe in you too.
4. THE REALITY THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER A PRODUCT OF YOUR PAST
"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself"...Andy Warhol
You have to realise that you do have to live as a product of your past. A painful, difficult, hurtful past is a huge contributor for guilt, anger, lack of self-worth that we carry with us, as we grow into life. The people who can can cut us into pieces the most are often the people we love the most, and often bad relationships can be a major cause for the guilt, pain and low self esteem women carry to the next relationship and so forth. A confident, self- assured woman will not tolerate a man who drags her down while a woman with holds little worth of her value, will be more likely to remain in the relationship, opposed to being alone. There are no rewards for living in misery, but there are a multitude of treasures for woman who strive to move forward.
To begin this positive journey stop putting yourself down. Some women are not even aware they are doing it. Begin by making positive statements about yourself, kick aside the negative. Don't let the criticism or rejection by others towards you take you down a peg. This is something that happens to everyone, determine the difference between constructive criticism and negative, choose what to accept and what to reject. Set yourself reasonable goals and reward yourself as you achieve them, be proud of all you achieve, be all you can be. Life sometimes does not wait..
There was a time in my life I hated myself so badly, that I ended up on death's door with anorexia. Attempting suicide was a regular occurrence in those dark days. Those days are well and truly gone as I look in the mirror with pride these days and never look back. It took time and effort to arrive where I am but boy am I proud to be here.
WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE GIVING UP
Do you know that all your future
Is yours to hold and keep?
Do you know that you can surface
When the waters are too deep?
Do you know that you are lovely?
More lovely than you know,
Release your insecurities,
Allow confidence to grow.
Have you felt sometimes like giving up
When your world starts tumbling in?,
Do you know you have the courage
To stand up strong and win?.
Do you feel the bite of solitude
Do you cry those lonely tears?
Do you know you have the inner strength
To shine throughout your years?.
Do you know that in this world
There is no one quite like you?
You are more worthy than you will ever know,
You need to see it too.
So strive and reach, battle forward,
Lift up your heart with glee,
Shout unto the world today,
I am happy to be me
© Deb Murray 2009
A Quick Little Video I Just Made To Encourage You
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Aww thanks Ixxy, yes that line just sprung from my mind, I used to have a terrible image when I was going through heaps. I have done a 360 c turn and gee it makes life incredible. Oh yes the stars, gawd you would not look twice at them in the street without all that gloss, they look so different, makes us women feel much better ROFL You are such a sweet guy you will make some woman swoon.
Guilty as charged! Sigh. Great hub.. I'll probaby be back to read it again.. at least twice, tonight alone!
Candie---you rawk. =) Your smile is purdy and your personality is wondershozen.
blonde: thanks...*bows* I try my best. ;)
What a nice hub Deb......I really liked it!!!
You are great, BP - this Hub is excellent and will be inspiration for many.
I love your poem....
And I love to be my own creation of myself...
Lol Candie I know I know, don't worry I have been guilty of all the above, always believing I was not good enough,I know now I am, I havejump from one bad relationship to another,put up with too much, never again lool x0x0x
Good on you Izzy for praising Candie up, she deserves it, she is a beautiful woman, I am glad to have her as my friend x0x0x
Hi Pach geez I must catch up soon I have been all over the place will mail you tonight x0x
Thanks so much Tatjanna you sound like a woman who is happy with herself woo hooo x0x
yes please email me...I want to talk to you too...
Absolutely wonderful and uplifting. This is really important and a great reminder to ourselves.
Very nice hub and very true too. I knoe many of us (women) will take inspiration from this hub of yours. Thanks for writing. I love the poem.
Yes Pach have done :)
Thankyou so much Triplet Mom the world looks so much brighter when our heads are held high to see it x0x0x
I really appreciate your comments AH I really really hope so :) Thankyou again
Great going with this one, blonde! I am very fond of the quote "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have". Kudos to you!
I have to agree with Elena on that...wonderful quote!
Oh thanks so much Elena isn't that quote the most beautiful thing out oh I fell in love with that :P
Yes Pach that makes us three it is such a true and wise expression love it :)
BP Dear,
Knowing that it happened to you is proof that the little demons can effect even the best of us. They may just be lurking around the corner or already nibbling away your self-esteem and you wouldn't even know. Thankyou hun for such an inspirational hub! Love ya loads ...:D ... Muwahhhzzz.
P.S. that poem came straight from your heart, it was BEAUTIFUL!
Dear Nazi, yes it certainly did. In a space of a few years in my teens, everything fell down on me, did not cope well after I was assaulted, oh it was like I was another person, I look to the poetry I wrote then and just shake my head lol.
I am so glad I pushed through, as I think of all the things I would have missed. I guess that is partly why I am so over the top, ....my life is a celebration..., boy is it what......Love ya too little pumpkin, and thanks for the praise of my poem, oh yes it shot straight out from my little ticker, bold as brass on the outside I am, but soft as a sponge inside, have a great day Nazi I always love talking to u.(hugs)xoxo
Great advice for women of any age. As for me -- I just want to be a little old lady who smiles. They know all the secrets!
Totally and utterly an amazing piece of writing, bookmarked by the BadCo and deff to be read on a regular basis, well written Poet !
Little ole lady indeed, you still look like a young trendsetter to me Teresa, love ya heaps x0x
Oh wow thankyou BC I sat up for six hours last night writing it, waiting for the right words to flow, you are the greatest x0x
Blondie. You have a pure heart ad that wil always set you apart. You are like the rubber man on a round base, no matter how hard you knock it , it will always come up. You have an irrepressible spirit coupled with that pure heart and a measure of serenity underneath all your manic activity and energy. LOL great hub.
Oh Sixty coming from you that means so much. Yes I agree with the manic activity, that describes me to a Tee, but yes, I am but a mushy mush inside, sometimes I am too soft, but I am still always learning, I still knocked many times but I am like one of those blow up punching bags I go to the ground but get back up, as I don't want to go down that road again.
You are a great friend Blonde, and it comes through in your serious writings. Now I think I need some cookies and cream ice cream
You are on fire Deb. Beautiful hub. I'm going to read it again tomorrow because it is full of gems that I need to see. Hugs.
I love it and just reading it made the Cabin Girl go all tingly, or was that my toy ; )
Aww thanks Cindy you are too although I am not always here I am in heart :) Damn that strategy I told you about did not work I just checked grrr xoxox
Aww thanks Cindy you are too although I am not always here I am in heart :) Damn that strategy I told you about did not work I just checked grrr xoxox
Oh thanks so much Jewels I could not sleep last night so I sat here writing it for over 5 hours, waiting for the right words to come lol xox
Hey Cabin Girl this one is for you as I know you have been upset lately xox
Loves you BP xox
Loves ya too CB (hugs) x0x0
Hi Blondepoet. Wow, this is a wonderful aspiring and empowing hub! The photos of the stars without makeup is a eye opening event. My favorite flower is the pink anthurum because it has it's tongue sticking out.
I like the line you can be a poor version of someone else or a rich version of yourself.
Thanks for this wonderful hub. Many Hugs! xoxoxo
Well said and beautifully written, BP! : )
Oh thankyou Raven, yes I think I invented that line at around 4.00am in the morning with a hot coffee and two black rings under my eyes. Ah I see you have a fetish for tongues haha I knew there was something admiss, hugs to you too dear Raven (hugs) xox
Thanks a million Jodi I thought I better write an endearing hub before I launch my next gut laughing bomb LMAO. (hugs) xox
I guess I was lucky to have a dad that would watch Sport's Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition and point out all the tricks the models used to make themselves look better. He always said that those girls weren't any prettier than his daughters. We didn't always believe him, because he was Dad, but it paid off in the end.
It sounds like you had a great Dad Ivorwen, that's the thing parents can do so much into building self esteem in their kids, my parents did not do anything like that, it was quite a negative enviroment when my Mum was with my Dad no-one said much at all
These are beautiful and I think that we all can use them. I know I can.
Thankyou so much RGraf, I agree with you 100%, we all need to hear how precious we are from time to time, we all need that boost, as it is so true about us as women and men. x0
If you ever feel like you're ugly...just look at your smile and eyes in the mirror and recite: I am beautiful, hear me roar. ;)
Oh dear Ixxy you got it going on !!!! Could not have described it so perfectly...I hope you do this Ix as you have every reason to, you got it going on!!
Well done BP, excellent hub!
Thanks a million Trooper it is always so nice to see you (hugs)
THE REALITY YOU CAN EITHER BE A POOR VERSION OF SOME-ONE ELSE OR A RICH VERSION OF YOURSELF <-- true!
This is a really awesome hub Deb. It can apply to (some) men, except the parts about fussing over the size of our breasts... although if we have them as men we probably do... :)
Aww thanks so much marco I really intended it for both sexes, as yes it applies to us all, I know men don't particularly fuss over their breasts but are known to fuss over other areas lol. Thanks again :)
This is such an amazing hub! You have hit every nail on the head. You have truly captured the definition of self-esteem and self-discovery. Awesome job!
Aww thanks so much I really appreciate you leaving such a terrific comment, and am wrapped that you enjoyed it. :)Everyone needs it lol...
hi BP,here's a cool true short story that illustrates what your saying(i think).fifty two years of marriage,my dad(72) eased up behind my mom(70)and said"lets fool around"(HOLY SHIT!).she said"i don't want sex anymore.why don't you find a pretty young prostitute?I'll even pay for it"(HOLY SHIT AGAIN!).here's the knock out punch BP ,he said"no, your my wife,your beautiful,and i want you".well, i left at that point cause the image of my elderly parents bumping there love toys kinda creep-ed me out...peace...
Oh wow cheaptrick, oh that has to be the nicest story I have heard for a long time. Aww 72, bless your Dad's little cotton picking socks, that is such a beautiful story, and such a beautiful compliment to your Mom. If only all couples were like this, after even 5 - 10 years of marriage. Your parents sound like absolute gems. xox
I agree completely. Women are beautiful because of far more than their looks. I hate it when I see and kind, sweet girl looking down on herself because she doesn't think she's pretty enough. This is a great hub. And I like your poem a lot as well. You covered it all. Thanks!
Oh Benjimester I have always thought you are an exceptional male, you were the first fan I ever had. Gee if only more men had a heart like you. Thank you so much for coming by, I really appreciate your comments xox
'The worst phase of your life is.....when you don't understand yourself.' An amazing observation. So true. We always tend to see ourselves from the eyes of those around us which is so wrong. I'm so glad I stumbled on this hub. I would have missed a great deal otherwise. BTW I couldn't believe the picture of katie Holmes. Such a huge difference on and off screen. A brilliant hub. Thats all I can say.
Thankyou so much anjalichugh I am so happy you came by to read it, everyone needs to know that they are truly beautiful, and have so much to offer, lol, yes Katie, I know, I was actually amazed when I first saw that pic. Is it not amazing the art of makeup. xoxox
There is no illusion about the beauty you have inside you. To express what you have in this hub shows that even blonde's can be very deep and thoughtful, :)
All kidding aside, it is very refreshing to read such profundity. I guess I should not be suprised, given your proclivity for caring.
BTW, I am blonde as well. :)
Really Logic, you are blonde? Where are you from? You really leave such gorgeous comments. I should have guessed it was coming from another blonde.....thanks Logic (hugs)
I know a lot of women who meet the criteria of superficial beauty and yet when it comes to intellect, drive and goals, they fall short woefully. They call it 'beauty without brains'. As for me, I like a woman with confidence. A woman who knows what she wants and how to get it. Good one, fieryblonde. *thumbs up*
Yes Fiery I do too, what a waste of beauty I always say lol. I agree 100% woman need to know what they want and go for it. Too many women put themselves down or shrug off compliments, which is wrong, they need to embrace them. (hugs)
Blonde, or Deb, what a lovely, heart felt hub. I hope tons of people read this and take something from it - beautifully written, it's like a hug for all of us. Hugs to you, dear. Thanks for the encouragement.
Aww thank-you Dolores for such a beautiful comment, very much appreciated. Have a bonza day (hugs)
I love this hub. How can it possibly not make anyone feel better about themselves and the world?
You write to break people of cynicism and apathy in their own lives. Absolutely wonderful. I will have to show this to some of my friends.
Thanks for sharing.
Aww thank-you so much LittleLepoard I am thrilled this made you feel good and so honoured that you are sharing it with your friends. May your beauty forever shine. (hugs)
Blonde, you are da bomb!
And Cindy you are de super bomb, truly. Love ya heaps buddy. xox
Woohooo! Blondepoet you rock! Hope you get better real soon! If I'm shouting it's only because it's great to hear from you.
We miss Blondie! All hail Blondepoet!
The crowd cheers.
"Blondepoet!"
Roses flung high in the air oh the air never smelled so sweet.
Blondepoet, this is a great hub. More women need to read this. When i was much younger i didnt feel too confident about myself, and the parents didnt help much. However, when i became a full grown adult, i decided to have much more confidence in myself. Began to diet, lost a lot of weight and had better skin. I started praising myself for any little achievement or accomplishment, and not wait for anyone to compliment me, or cheer me on.
Now that im much (much) older, i feel cool with myself, and never really give a toss as to what people feel, as long as my human relations is great and i dont step on toes.
Life is too short to waste it on low self esteem.
BTW you're kidding me! do those people in the photos look really like that without make-up? LOL
Aww Raven you are the bees knees. I actually was diagnosed with swine flu, I feel much better but still a horrible lethargy I am fighting, to be able to do anything. Your words have lifted me higher than any mountain my dear friend. Love ya heaps. xoxox
Dear viryabo I cannot thank you enough again. You are the sweetest of the sweetest. I am much like you as a teenager I despised myself, and as I came into adulthood I finally stopped fighting and picking on things I felt I should have and never had. It wore me out to get to the place too, where I now realise my worth and if people dont like it, it is now fine by me. Im thrilled you are too. Doesn't it make life so much easier and happier? Lol yes they look like that, haha, isn't that so comforting to us mere civilians. xoxoxox
very nice hub thanks
Thankyou Lgali you rock!!!
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lxxy says:
5 months ago
Thats right...
"The day that you can look in the mirror and be happy with what you see, is the day that will set you free."
I love that line, Blondie. =)
Stars aren't perfect, but their personalities make therm great on the stage--it's called photoshop and post-shoot editing. We're living in a dreamland of plastic expectations.
If I ever settle down with a woman, who will be a person first, it'll be because of her achievements and personality...not her looks. Those change, and are easily malleable.