Unfortunately I have no life changing advice for you on this subject, as I am still going through the job dating game myself. I do how ever have some thoughts for you; that may change the way that you look at your job, boss, or working environment.

I have been working for 15 years now; and have held quite a few jobs ranging from insurance agent, to dog trainer, to teacher, and quite a few more. I started out when I was young trying to pursue what I wanted to do, then switched to what I thought I should do. What might be better for me financially, and more secure. I have stayed for too long in many jobs that have not only not payed enough, but have caused me to question my self worth.

Needless to say, due to a current stint of unemployment I have had time to reflect on my jobs and attitude toward them. Jobs are like relationships, there have been good ones (or good for a while at least), bad ones, and manipulative jobs that make you feel bad about yourself.

Unfortunately as far as the good jobs go I have not always realized that they were good until I had taken them for granted, after I had already moved on (I have done that with a few relationships). Bad ones, well maybe I just stayed at a bad job or two for a while due to self esteem issues (I felt like that was the best I could do). In retrospect I know that I felt a poor paying unrewarding job, was better than no job at all.

Then there are those manipulative jobs that make you feel bad about yourself, they certainly posses the maybe it's the best I can do aspect of the bad job mentioned above. There is more to it than that however, for instance my last job was the job that I had given my all, and poured my heart and soul into. This job had such great potential, and I could really see myself there long term. It had good parts; the parts that kept me coming in to work, and bad parts that were eventually the deal breaker. The good parts were the relationships I formed, I felt like I was really getting through to and helping some people. The bad part; was made up of many parts, not just of one person or situation. To begin with, I was made offers that were untrue and later denied in regard to what I would be making, and what benefits may become available. They also gave a less than accurate description of what my work would consist of,stating that things were already all set up, and I would just have to step in and follow the program. This was very inaccurate, there was only a shoddy skeleton of a plan put together that needed much filling in.Our customers I loved, but I felt manipulated and unappreciated by my bosses. As I have said I gave this job my all, spending many hours a day of my time at home to plan and research, I progressed a lot with my performance due to such efforts. I was never observed, or evaluated by my higher ups, and only rated by what my peers assessments were. Some of their assessments were fair and some were not. At most meetings held to discuss my performance, my shortcomings were dwelt on, and nary a mention of my progress. This was my first time working in this field, so I took everything that was said to heart. There were many times I thought I just might quit, but then somehow I would mount more effort and try even harder (my thinking was that it would eventually get easier, and eventually someone might notice and appreciate my efforts). I even talked to one of my bosses near the end of my employment there, and told her about my problems, how I felt overwhelmed, and spent an extraordinary amount of my home time working on things for work. She offered no advice, other than that I should work on these issues, and that she hoped I would stay. I finally gave notice; more than the usual two weeks, more time and training than that was needed to fill my position. Though I could barely make myself go in to work after that, I finished as I said I would. I had kept all of the promises I made.

I felt as though I had been in a mentally abusive relationship (I have been in such relationships in the past). I felt manipulated, and used. I provided much benefit for them financially by being there, and doing my job. All that I wanted in return as an employee was my promised salary, and some support in performing a difficult job. Much as an mentally abusive relationship with a husband or boyfriend would have been, so went the job. I was always available and involved in the relationship, and he was only there when he wanted something (as well as the way both he and the job could make me feel inadequate).

I have left relationships like these in the past, and I am in a very fulfilling one now. So, I am determined to do the same with the jobs that are like those mentioned above. I am as valuable an employee as I am a spouse, I work hard at jobs and relationships, I am there when I say I will be, and I put my heart into everything I do. I am now struggling to find my niche in the working world, but I am comforted in knowing I will no longer take abuse. Life is too short, and most of us spend too much of it at work to be miserable.