Obviously the dont,s are better than the do,s

If you dont have a heart attack, dont get blocked arteries, dont get angina, dont get over weight, dont smoke etc then you will not need to know anything about the do,s at all, they will all just pass you by on your way to getting cancer or quietly, slowly going mad with altzimers or something nasty

If you do have a heart attack, do get blocked arteries, do get angina and are a fat bastard, do smoke and sit on your backside all of the time, then you really need to know as much about what is going to happen to you as you possibly can.

I didnt want to know, I was quite happy being treated for a sore shoulder when my stupid doctor should have been treating me for angina, the angina that was giving me an aching shoulder that is. I didnt want to know when I was obviously running out of breath climbing a couple of flights of stairs, or walking to the car park and back. I really didnt want to know when a blood test revealed that I had become diabetic and needed to take tablets and keep stabbing myself to check my blood sugar levels.

I didnt want to know when it was me and not the wife who was declining sexual activities or refusing to do any gardening, decorating what have you ( I secretly prefered the decorating to the bedroom activities anyway )

When the heart attack came and the ambulance was taking me away, i didnt want to know what they were going to do to me, they would ask if I wanted to know, i didnt, I just wanted it all to go away, I wanted my mum even though I was fifty years old, she had been warning me about my weight and genetic make up for the past thirty years and if I told her now, she probably wouldnt want to know.

I kept my eyes closed all of the time while they carried out an angiogram, had a good look around my heart via a catheter inserted in my leg, after several of these I would begin to wonder if the hair would ever grow back on my balls, they shaved me as naked as a new born every time, I didnt want to know when the consultant told me that there was nothing that they could do for me, that i would need extensive quadruple by pass grafts, open heart surgery.

After lots and lots of investigations and blood conditioning it was my turn for surgery and when the consultant sat on the end of my bed and said "any questions" I told him that i didnt really want to know, I would look forward to having a question and answer session later, when it was all over, he didnt want to know, he was going on holiday.

When i eventually woke up, day eight after the operation I really wanted to know. I had lost my memory while in an induced coma and really wanted to know lots of things. I wanted to know my name, I wanted to know where I was, I wanted to know what in hells name they had done to me and why, I wanted to know why I couldnt remember anything, anyone

I was soon to findout some more do,s and donts, dont cough unless you want tears, dont move unless you like tears, dont try to go to the lavatory unless you really like tears.

Do hold yours chest tight by crossing your arms when you cough, you will cough, you will cough quite a lot. Do stay still for the first day or so, even if they try to get you out of bed, refuse and stay still, there will be less tears, Do remember that you do not smoke anymore, do not over eat anymore and do prefer bedroom activities to decorating

Do pay attention when the nurse is going to pull the catheter from your penis, it will make your eyes water but takes your mind off of your increasingly painful chest. Do try to go to the lavatory before your back passage heals up, or so it will seem. Do get up and about before you lose all of the muscles in your legs, or you will walk like you did get the altzimers after all. Do eat solid food as soon as you can, chewing will be the only exercise that you get.

I couldnt eat solid food, couldnt go to the bathroom, couldnt walk or for that matter do anything else because i had a stroke during my operation and forgot how to breath among other things and had to stay on life support for more than a week, so, dont have a stroke

If the unthinkable does happen to you, do survive the operation and dont go back to your old ways

AK