You are not as undisciplined as what you said, I am sure. You need to have something ahead. For that 'something', I will not call it as a burden, but your station.

What do you do if you arrive at a bus station after a long, tiring, boring, soporific journey? Every human, for that case, will want to ask for a rest first before continuing their journey, if they haven't reached their destinations yet. However, most people fail in doing so because it is most people's habit to do things at last minute. Thus, their journeys are always "last-minutely" late. Before even they have the time to rest when they reach the station, they have no alternative but to, rather, continue their fatigued journey. This is exhausting.

I noticed, from your home's working desk few years ago, a paper featuring the trips your family plan to have at that time. There were quite a number of packages of different trips. I was amazed at that time that it was too soon to plan for that, as the trip, as indicated in the paper, was dated in the end of 2006. You see, once you have come to a decision in making something, the next 'station' you will absolutely go is 'preparation station.' To know further about it, there is a story I am pleased to share with you.

James was a student, studying electronic engineering in a college. Despite being enrolled in the field of engineering, he would rather spare his free time practicing, learning, sharing and composing music. His music talent was very cool yet not much people were aware of it. James has been dreaming day in, day out, seeing himself standing at the stage, singing and showing off his electric guitar techniques, with his 'crazy' fans soaring high for him. He dreamt and yearned for that beseechingly. Yet, he always told himself that dreams remained dreams.

James had a good friend, named Kate, who knew of his dreams and problems. Kate was a highly successful student yet not a nerd, she was. Cooking, dancing, singing, sports, debating and so on were her interests. Despite she had been a novice in one of her interests, Kate coped it easily, well and fast. One day, Kate came to ask James, "What's hindering you from moving towards your dreams?"

"You know, dreams are always something…er…cool which add spice to our boring, seemingly unrealistic reality."

"Well, James. Don't be so down. I've seen you doing all these things, as if you are preparing yourself for your tomorrow's concert. Don't you think so? You're so cool. I mean you work harder than other singers out there. So, what's stopping you right now?"

"Honestly speaking, I'm a student right now. Can I be like Ricky Martin, having his world soaring for him when he sings in few years to come?"

"Sure!"

"What?!" James was surprised, thinking that Kate was joking. "Be realistic, Kate. I mean…"

"See," Interrupted Kate, "When do you want to be like Ricky Martin? Make a decision that is believable to you."

"Ok, then. 5 years."

"Ok, at the fifth year, you will be a very well known singer. Then what do you think you will be busy for in the fourth year?"

"A year before? Ha! That must be getting an agent who helps to sell my album."

"What about the third year?"

"By that time, I need to finish my recordings and album."

"Second year?"

"Having several completed songs and practicing my band-mates while seeking for music publishers."

"During the first year? I mean this year?"

"Oh..composing songs. Must be almost completed by the end of this year."

"Then, next week?"

Suddenly, James was disillusioned. He realized what he should do already, and promptly, he replied, "Start to compose my songs, of course!"

Kate smiled with great gratification.

After six years, James's album hits the national billboard. But, Kate was nowhere near him, but seeing with streaming tears on the television at his previous best friend, waving in front of the TV. James needed six years as he had to complete his study before graduation.

Well, this is the story I recalled from my memory. I read it somewhere. Anyway, I hope you understand how planning should be made. That is/are the "preparation station(s)" which is/are pivotal to reach your end(s).

What I did and do during my studies here is to have a checklist for every subject concerned. Before the term start, I will gain the syllabus and list them on a paper. Then, according to the academic timetable, I will set appropriate dates for each chapter to be revised. Other things I add are like fortnight revision, final revision before final exam, daily 20-questions practice and so on. Once I fill them in the paper, I will be happy and without any doubt to do the things I like in the remaining time! I need to keep a promise and a true promise always needs work. The work I do always is to constantly follow the plan. I think it will be more efficient than timetable.

You can embark on listing what you want to accomplish starting from this: "Going back to Malaysia and rejoin my family!" Then, descend one year by one year until to your current time frame, like the James and Kate case. Not only your study, you can and have to have plans for every aspect of your life. It seems painful at the beginning. But once you plan, you don't need to be afraid of your future as you have taken your future into deep consideration. You can easily have your happy life thereafter. Without plan, you have more things to be worried and at the end, you find life is boring and unhappy at all. The pain is more painful than the momentary pain that you have to endure at the outset. That's the reward of discipline. Be friend with "discipline" as it helps to reduce pain in your life. Believe me for believing that!

To ease your work in your studies, I recommend you to have mind-maps for your subjects. Initially, not only you, I thought that it was, you know, for kids. We don't need it. After taking a course, Thinking Skills, here, I learn that it indeed is very very helpful. The result was: in the recent final examination, I could reach my target of 1 day 1 total revision for each subject while others needed about 4-5 days to revise one subject. I couldn't myself believe that but that's what mind maps did for me. It has been helping me continuously for 3 semesters and the results were always pleasing! Of course, you need to have some basic skills for drawing an effective mind map, like you need different colors in a mind map. Actually, discipline was involved too. Every time after the lecture, I will draw a mind map. I needed to do like that constantly. Yes, it's quite "painful" at the beginning but eventually, this discipline is really helpful. If you want to know more, please google such keywords "Tony Buzan and mind maps"

Please look at yourself as bright as moon. Don't be overwhelmed by your emotions, those clouds who attempt to cover the moon. Because everyone, like you, is initially bright!

It's already too late a night for me. Sorry if I have mistyped or misled you in the texts I typed. And ohya…if you have got time, please read The Road Less Travelled. It has changed my perspectives of life, somehow, really positively. Good luck!