A women's problem. by Mad Me!
65A women's problem. by Mad Me!
Maybe this should have been a topic that I should have put a request out on. I find myself wondering why it is that we do the things we do and why do we put up with things just for the sake of peace. Does this sound familiar. I find myself in a situation where I have allowed my son to get away with murder and now that he has crossed the LINE I suppose I only have myself to blame. My reasons are always quite convincing and I suppose like any mom we can always talk our way out of things instead of putting up with the bit of turbulence in the beginning and sorting out the issues. We always just want to hang in there for a bit longer and we are sure that things will come right - I as maybe you do to need a wake up - its not going to happen and most of the time we find it actually getting worse instead of better. So one day we say enough is enough however we now have to deal with a confrontation that maybe could have been avoided if only we had dealt with it at the beginning however we find ourselves overruled by our hearts and let things slide. Now I must admit I have a major issue to deal with and I suppose my son being a man is not going to get this and or like it but I have to start putting my foot down, both of them I have realized and not before time I might add. YES I DID THIS BY ALLOWING HIM TO GET AWAY WITH THINGS THAT ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE. So being responsible for this I am going to have to fix it one way or another. So like me Mom's please don't leave things and hope they will get better as surely you will realize if you put some thought behind the issue its not going to happen.
So the issue is now how to deal with the problem . Help! I would I think rather run away because my son has a temper next to none however maybe some items put down in a letter will have to do this time as to avoid a one on one confrontation whereby we will both loose it. If this does not improve things then I am going to be left with no other choice but to try and get an outside counselor in to assist with some form of mediation between us. I feel that we both are certainly not on the same page but things also cannot continue the way they are going. I am beginning to ask myself "how many years in jail will I get for premeditated murder". Thing are not going to improve and I know I am fooling myself - my son is 24 years of age and still living at home. He had total disregard for anyone but himself. So if you don't see another hub from me ever you will find me in the closest jail cell. Maybe I should go for the insanity bit and would end up in an asylum somewhere because this could only be premeditated!
And they say having children is a pleasure (well I suppose some are)!
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Tom Rubenoff says:
9 months ago
Somebody said having children is a pleasure? What liar said that? Well, it is sometimes. Often, however, it's stress and work. Now you have a tough row to hoe. You've been paying out the leash to give the growing child more freedom and he's done slipped his collar and gone running around the neighborhood were he ought not to go. You are right in saying that you got yourself here, but it is not about blame for you. You were trying to do the right thing. He wasn't.
I have some suggestions that may or may not work. Teenagers are illogical and unpredictable. Anyway, here they are.
You have the right to make the rules in your own house. Outside your house, you have to be realisitic. There is really not much you can do. But your house is your castle and you are the Queen. If you feel threatened by him physically, confide in a friend you trust to keep their mouth shut and stay out of your business unless things get ugly, and get them to stand neutrally by while you talk to your son. Or, meet with your son in a public place. Really, however, if you are afraid your son will hurt you, you need to think seriously about getting him legally out of your house.
State, clearly and without emotion, your conditions for him to continue to live in your house. Your conditions must be realistic. Think about what is most important to your sanity and pick your battle. Be confident. You are the Queen. Do not make any threats you are not fully prepared to carry out. Harden your resolve. Kids always push the envelope. Make the boundaries clear and the consequences of non-compliance concrete and irrevocable. That being the case, you must fully agree with the consequences and you must not change your mind.
If he says it's not fair, you say it doesn't have to be. It's your house and you make the rules.
Above all, keep your cool. He can shout and rant and insult you, you must be above all that. Don't let his unstable teenage BS derail your dispassionate outlining of the facts. He must come to know that being illogical and loud will no longer get him what he wants.
I wish you luck. Typically this kind of thing can divide the parents. You may actually be at an advantage as a single mom. Remember that you must be the adult because he's not ready to be one yet. Don't let him drag you down into irrationality and chaos.
I hope you find this useful and that I don't advise you wrongly. Once again, best of luck.